MY CALL:  More cute and funny than gory, and boasting zero scares, this is more a RomCom Zombedy than horror. It’s breezy and entertaining, but nothing I’d recommend buying unless you’re a big Yelchin or Daddario fan. MORE MOVIES LIKE Burying the Ex:  Death Becomes Her (1992) is the first thing that comes to mind. For more solidly gross horror comedy in general try Critters (1986), Leprechaun (1993), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), Piranha 3D (2010), Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010), Final Destination 5 (2011), Piranha 3DD (2012), The Cabin in the Woods (2012), Warm Bodies (2013), Smothered (2014), Housebound (2014), Zombeavers (2014), The Voices (2014),  He Never Died (2015), Cooties (2015), Ava’s Possessions (2015), The Final Girls (2015), What We Do in the Shadows (2015), Krampus (2015; not exactly comedy, but occasionally hilarious), Love in the Time of Monsters (2015), Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015), Deathgasm (2015) and The Greasy Strangler (2016).

Max (Anton Yelchin; Fright Night, Odd Thomas, Green Room) is an omnivorous horror fan living with his girlfriend Evelyn (Ashley Greene; The Apparition, The Twilight Saga) who seems to be his polar opposite, a vegan ecophile who thinks horror is a waste of time.  So, imagine our glee when she dies!

But what’s worse than moving in with the wrong girl?  Well, for Max it’s wishing you’ll always be together in front of some Monkey Paw-ing relic.

Director Joe Dante (Gremlins 1-2, Piranha, The Howling) has mixed horror and comedy before, but now he brings us more of a HorrorRomCom (…HorRomCom?) following the Death Becomes Her (1992) playbook as Max finds himself caught between his recently undead girlfriend and a lovely horror-themed ice cream parlor owner (Alexandra Daddario; Texas Chainsaw 3D, True Detective).

I wish the dialogue was better, but the cast faired rather well with it anyway. Yelchin is likable as always, Daddario is a bubbly meet-cute delight, Oliver Cooper (Project X) delivers the comic relief and Greene seems to embrace her quirky, decaying role.

As RomCom-y as this gets, we still have some gross moments: the embalming fluid projectile vomit, a wicked neck break, some putridly gooey kiss slime and, of course, some zombie attacks.  The zombie attacks are few, but they are awesome fun with some gory flare.

Just be aware, this HorRomCom (…or is it a Zombedy, or a HorRomZomedy?) is more about the humor and story than it is about anything horrorific.  Loads of cute giggles, not much gore.

MY CALL:  Not the worst of the franchise, but nearly so. Yet this remains watchable for those seeking some guilty pleasures in the form of boobs, gore and uninspired kills. Watch this for fun, not for “horror.”  MORE MOVIES LIKE Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines:  Well, of course, you need to go back to Wrong Turn (2003; the best one), maybe Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007; more silly but fun), but probably skip Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009) and go straight to Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011; the best of the sequels).  More to try include The Hills Have Eyes 1-2 (1977, 1984, 2006, 2007), Just Before Dawn (1981), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Hatchet (2006) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) will all continue to satisfy the hillbilly horror subgenre, and then maybe Cabin Fever 1-3 (2002-2014) for the gore hounds.

Director Declan O’Brien (Cyclops, Sharktopus, Wrong Turn 3-5) returns for his third Wrong Turn sequel featuring our favorite inbred hillbilly cannibals: Three Finger (Borislav Iliev; Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead), One Eye (Radoslav Parvanov; Undisputed 2-3, Wrong Turn 6) and Sawtooth (George Karlukovski; El Gringo).  We open with wretched dialogue, a graphic sex scene, and an opening kill that just continues to never live up to that of Dead End (2007); basically, O’Brien’s sequel staples.

This time our cadre of horny vacationing college students are attending the Mountain Man Festival on Halloween in West Virginia. It’s quite like Burning Man, but with a bunch of buffoons dressed up as inbred, mutant, cannibal hillbillies.

The writing, story and dialogue were all pornishly bad.  And boasting 3-4 heavy-moaning sex scenes, the lecherousness makes the nudity from the Night of the Demons 1-2 (1988, 1994) almost feel classy.  Really feeling forced and rather out of nowhere is the new addition to the family.  Our cannibal brothers’ father Maynard is probably among Doug Bradley’s (Hellraiser 1-8) lesser roles.

The action/violence was terrible and the special effects were pretty weak, with most of the blood spurts being CGI.  The majority of death scenes were forgettably poor (even the electrocution, sigh), including some of the most lackluster disembowelments of the franchise—although, the Jigsaw-esque “car trap” disembowelment was pretty good, mostly for the humor of the victim’s lover trying to shove the bloody intestines back into him!  Credit would also be due for the leg-hammering scene—just brutal a la Misery (1990).  Lastly, the lawnmower death scene was okay; somewhat funny along with some good chunky-sloppy gore.

Were I to order the Wrong Turn movies from best to worst, I’d say 1-4-2-5-3, with a big gap between 4 and 2.  Somehow Declan O’Brien nailed it with part 4 (still smutty, but the best kills from parts 3-5) and just couldn’t reproduce it.  Perhaps an issue of budget…?  No clue.  I was especially disappointed by the stage-y town set design—the last third of the movie takes place in the sheriff’s office and the street outside.

The writing might be terrible, yet this sequel manages to entertain without much regret.  You’ll feel more fun (or tedium) than fear.  But this could make for a great Bad Movie Tuesday if you’re looking for some gory laughs.

MY CALL:  This (along with part III) isn’t a very good sequel; the story isn’t good and the writing sucks. But we do get MORE ADKINS AS BOYKA, and I’m pretty sure that’s all we really wanted.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Boyka: Undisputed IV:  Well, you should absolutely Undisputed (2002) and the sequels all the way through Undisputed III (2010), but part II (introducing Adkins as Boyka) was by far the best. I’d also recommend most other Adkins movies referenced herein as well as Blood and Bone (2009).

Ever since we first met Scott Adkins (Doctor Strange, Ninja: Shadow of a Tear, The Expendables 2, Universal Solder: Day of Reckoning, El Gringo, Assassination Games, Hard Target 2) and his flair for technical stunts and martial arts fight choreography, we’ve wanted to see him in more significant action movie roles.  The last several years have been kind to Adkins’ fans, but we all still wanted more of the role that truly made him famous: BOYKA!

After killing a fighter in the ring, Boyka (Scott Adkins) seeks to redeem himself by paying off his dead opponent’s widow’s (Teodora Duhovnikova) debts to a Russian gangster by agreeing to three profitable organized fights.

Director Todor Chapkanov doesn’t have much experience at the helm and it shows.  The frame rate makes Boyka look too fast to look credible (Adkins is fast enough on his own) and the photography isn’t exactly top notch. On top of that, the dialogue is terrible and loaded with soap operatic melodrama…and did you know that apparently everyone in the Ukraine and Russia speaks English all the time?  Don’t even get me started on this plot.  But what this director does right is he gives us more of Adkins as Boyka. And no matter what general filmmaking flaws surround him, Adkins knows how to please his fans!

Adkins continues to deliver his trademark stunts featured in long shots featuring upwards of ten techniques between cuts—the way martial arts should be filmed.  His fights are varied and abundant and this highly unrealistic movie builds to when Boyka is forced to fight Koshmar (Martyn Ford), a 6’8” monstrosity of tattoos, muscle and rage. Unfortunately, there’s basically no build-up to this crescendo.  It just sort of feels like “the next fight” in a series of fights—maybe with less anticipation than the other fights as well.  This “final fight” happens after what Boyka thought was the “final fight” and yet it hardly seems to matter.  Again, the writing and direction were not exactly awesome.

Waddya think? Same weight class, right?

Watching Koshmar fight is akin to Nathan Jones in The Protector (2005); a brutal, hulking, smashing menace. But the fight doesn’t last very long and his best trick seems to be being huge.  For some reason Boyka defeats this beast faster than any of his other opponents…I guess it’s because he literally had a plane to catch.

In the end, this “movie experience” paled in comparison to Undisputed 2 (2006).  Maybe it was the novelty of it all back then.  But this movie is still a lot of fun and a satisfying ride for Adkins fans. I love watching him do 540s and 720s and throwing three kicks in one jump.  I could watch it all day.

MY CALL:  Not at all a sequel, rather this reimagining relies on our love of the original Fright Night (1985) while offering a new perspective to our vamp’s origins.  Not very good, but moderately entertaining.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Fright Night 2:  Well, you should really see Fright Night (1985) and Fright Night II (1988). Maybe even the Fright Night (2011) remake, which offers a lot in the way of cast performance but little in the way of satisfying effects.

Director Eduardo Rodriguez (Stash House, El Gringo) does not get off to a promising start.  After a very “direct-to-video” opening vampire sequence, we meet a class of college students studying abroad in Romania.  Among them are Charley Brewster (Will Payne), his ex-girlfriend Amy (Sacha Parkinson), and his rude friend Evil Ed (Chris Waller; The Sleeping Room, Inbred).

If, at this point, you feel a glimmer of hope that this will continue the story of 2011’s Fright Night, you’d be wrong.  This is not Charley’s continued story after surviving 2011’s undead events in Las Vegas.  These are totally unrelated characters of the same names or, in alternate perspective, they are the same characters in a different universe reliving a “similar” chain of events as our much better casts did in 1985, 1988 and 2011.  In other words, this is really in no way a sequel.  More a reimagining.  And, as such, a most unwowing Peter Vincent (Sean Power) now hosts a reality Monster Hunters TV show and Gerri Dandridge (Jaime Murray; Dexter, Spartacus: Gods of the Arena) is a female Romanian professor of European Art History who engages in lesbian vampire sex scenes that feel more gratuitous than in the sexual spirit of vampirism.

This movie echoes some of the iconic scenes of the original Fright Night (1985)—e.g., Charley’s neighborly voyeurism and Ed’s encounters with the main characters. Our Gerri, much as 1985’s Chris Sarandon, also takes every opportunity to let Charley live…although I can’t surmise why until it is blatantly explained to Amy (and the audience) in the form of some needlessly elaborate “vampire blood prophecy malarkey” shoehorned through the characters’ mouths.  And speaking of malarkey, blood and boobs is the name of the game here. There are silly over-dramatizations, drippy baths of blood, a heavy dose of gratuitous nudity, some messy blood spurts, nonsensically long strip club scenes, a montage of Charley freaking out, and a vampire battle royale as our “prophecy” unfolds before our lobotomized eyes.

We learn that Bram Stoker’s Dracula was a mix of Elizabeth Bathory and Vlad the Impaler.  Gerri’s play on Bathory was obviously nothing to the historic The Countess (2009)—which was much classier than the blood-soaked boobs of this non-sequel—but Gerri (and Jaime Murray’s performance) remains the best aspect of this movie.  The coolest parts involved her abilities to shadow walk (as in Subspecies and Bram Stoker’s Dracula) and using her bat affinity for sonar (which I don’t even think I’ve seen in a vampire movie before).  She looked sleek and sexy and, not that it’s a bad thing, but her vamp style reminded of 30 Days of Night (2007) or Blade (1998). The most redeeming scene (in its entirety) of the film was actually its comic-style animation flashback explaining her origins.

Most other critical elements failed.  All dialogue in Evil Ed’s scenes were bad, the action largely sucked (and I don’t know why there were so many “fight scenes”), the CGI was obvious (an intestinal explosion and a gooey melting scene), Ed’s fake fangs were so bulky it muffled his speech, and the gore make-up (an eye gauge and Evil Ed’s melted pizza face) was really just so-so most of the time.  I guess they tried…it just wasn’t really enough for me.

Although Gerri’s final transformation was moderately entertaining…and, for some reason, the latex monster had demon boobs!  Like an alien demon beast (that could have been from any random movie)… with no clothes…and boobs!  What’s with this movie and boobs?  LOL.

Yes…like it or not, you see this thing’s boobs.

This movie had so much nudity (for a sequel to a mainstream movie, anyway), it’s trailer should have just been blood-speckled boobs and Gerri being a sleek badass.  This “non-sequel” is dumb. The premise was wasted on this reimagining and should have been used for a more serious standalone vampire film rather than a direct-to-video sequel (that really isn’t a sequel) of a remake.  And while a few scenes and depictions actually had some heart, they were surrounded by so much drivel they were easily forgotten in the wake of eye-rolling stupidity.

But, hey. Loads of boobs, blood and badness mean that you could make a solid Bad Movie Tuesday evening with your friends. To be fair, knowing this movie is awful is the best way to enjoy it.

MY CALL:  A worthy, scarier approach to Stephen King’s book delivered with a Pennywise worthy of Curry’s original performance.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Stephen King’s It:  For more movie adaptations based on Stephen King’s books and other work, try the original TV mini-series of Stephen King’s It (1990), Creepshow (1982), Cujo (1983), Needful Things (1993), The Night Flier (1997) or Pet Sematary (1989), to name a few. If it’s evil clowns you desire then there is only one absolute: Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988). If you simply enjoyed the band of young misfits facing evil, try the Netflix Original series Stranger Things. And, for those who like creepy hauntings of our inner demons, try the very dark Flatliners (1990; which also has a 2017 remake).

REMAKE SIDEBAR: Other quality horror remakes include Friday the 13^th (2009), Carrie (2013), Evil Dead (2013), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), The Hills Have Eyes (2006), The Fly (1986), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), The Thing (1982; yes, this was a remake) and The Mummy (1999; adventure genre). Those to avoid include Poltergeist (2015), The Thing (2011; a prequel/remake), Cabin Fever (2016), A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), Night of the Demons (2009), Body Snatchers (1993; the second remake), The Invasion (2007; the third remake), War of the Worlds (2005) and The Mummy (2017; total adventure-style reboot-imagining). I’m on the fence about An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), Halloween (2007) and Fright Night (2011), bad remakes but decently entertaining movies.

Attempting to step out of Tim Curry’s impassive shadow, Pennywise (Bill Skarsgård; Hemlock Grove) delivers a new level of terror.  His white-powdered menace palpably penetrates our sensibilities with every glare and smile.  The film may be littered with loud noise-based jump scares and quick-cuts, but the horror definitely doesn’t rely on such practice. Instead, these tactics only augment the twitchy malevolence of film’s best known demon clown.

For his second feature length film (and second atmospheric jumpy horror film), director Andy Muschietti brings some familiar stylings from his first film Mama (2013), while carefully sampling Alvarez’ Evil Dead (2013) remake (i.e., Bev’s bloody bathroom scene) along with some subtle echoes from A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).  Numerous scenes steer us differently from the 1990 adaptation, whereas others follow along a very familiar trajectory—both in ways I enjoyed.  And while several iconic scenes were recreated (e.g., Georgie meeting Pennywise at the sewer), they all bite harder than their television predecessor.  You’ll know what I mean when you see it.

Contemporized from the book, we follow a group of late ‘80s kids as they experience shocking loss, ensuing “hauntings”, and learn the origin of this evil.  With seasoned skill beyond their years to capture fear, dire urgency, panic, insecurity and youthful drive, this young cast outstandingly depicted Bill (Jaeden Lieberher; Midnight Special), Ben (Jeremy Ray Taylor; Ant-Man)Beverly (Sophia Lillis), Richie (Finn Wolfhard; Stranger Things), Mike (Chosen Jacobs), Eddie (Jack Dylan Grazer; Tales of Halloween), Stan (Wyatt Oleff; Guardians of the Galaxy Vols. 1-2) and…oh, poor Georgie (Jackson Robert Scott).

Taking a break from the accolades, I felt (at times) the pacing was way off.  And while no individual scene was bad, sometimes they didn’t find the right synthesis when pasted together into this feature (the “well house” scene comes to mind).  I could dwell on this, but I’d rather celebrate the film.  There: that’s my negative section.

As a fan of the book (terrorizing my youth when I read It in the early 90s) and the now-unwowing TV mini-series (likewise scarier back when it was released, when I was 9), I estimate this to be a worthy adaptation of King’s work.  It’s scary, really scary—the visuals are jaunting!  I jumped a lot. It’s creepy, really creepy—they nailed the dire atmosphere!  I was often waiting, dreading the next visual.  It’s gory, gorier than you’d expect—we finally have the right budget and the right mind behind the camera to give justice to an entity that literally feeds on fear rather than flesh.

The special effects were on point for me.  The bathroom scene—wow.  Pennywise’s twisted toothy maw—poor Georgie, and double wow!  The slide projector scene—whoa!  The final confrontation with Pennywise was odd, but neat.  There’s a lot to enjoy here, and it’ll all make you jump and wince and reel.

Because this “Part I” took a different chronology than the book or mini-series, you may feel a bit disoriented by things that these kids are doing which (in 1990) their adult counterparts did…or, sort of did.  Some liberties are taken.  Just go with it.

Back in 1990, I was thrilled to see It on-screen.  Now I’m not only thrilled to see it receiving a greater reimagining, but also that this film satisfies in more ways than just Pennywise as Curry’s performance drove the first film.  We now have the cast, the budget, the medium, the filmmaking prowess and a great Pennywise to bring this experience together!

MY CALL:  I enjoyed parts I-VII only to utterly despise this sequel.  Very bad, both as a Hellraiser sequel and as a random horror flick.  Just bad.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Hellworld:  Be sure to see Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) first, of course. Then maybe Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth (1992) and Hellraiser IV: Bloodline (1996).  Hellraiser: Inferno (2000), Hellseeker (2002) and Hellraiser: Deader (2005) are more standalone films, along with this part VIII.

Directed by Rick Bota (Haven, Hellraiser VI-VIII), this eighth installment to the Hellraiser franchise follows Inferno (2000), Hellseeker (2002) and Deader (2005) by presenting another stand-alone story.  But unlike Bota’s other sequels (VI and VII), I can comfortably say this is the only Hellraiser film I was completely unable to enjoy…although I haven’t seen part IX yet.

This direct-to-video movie feels like just that, with lousy acting, deplorable special effects and a script that doesn’t even try.  In fact, the only thing this flick delivers effectively is nudity.  Honestly, I’m a bit confused.  How and why were Bota’s other Hellraiser sequels so superior to this?

In this uninspired franchise installment, Hellworld is a popular interactive videogame and such notions as Cenobites and opening the Puzzle Box are common objectives of the game.  A group of savvy gamers (including Katheryn Winnick; The Dark Tower, Vikings and Henry Cavill; The Immortals, Red Riding Hood, Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice) find themselves invited by a mysterious host (Lance Henriksen; Pumpkinhead, Harbinger Down,The Pit and the Pendulum) to the Leviathan House for a Hellworld-themed carnal sex party.

To say this sequel was phoned in would be polite.  Nothing about this felt like a Hellraiser movie.  Pinhead (Doug Bradley; Hellraiser I-VII) was just forced into the script, the Box’s mythology isn’t developed, the Cenobites didn’t matter at all, and the kills could have been from any stupid Saw knock-off.  We didn’t even get the hooked chains!  And when someone did get killed the effects were awful (maybe “basic” would be a more fair term here).  Even the depictions of the game were aggravatingly lazy.

Despite all the dialogue about the game, it never really felt important.  Nothing did.  This film serves as an example of the complete and utter failure to contemporize a long-running horror series.  I wonder if this film’s quality had to do with it being filmed almost immediately after part VII.  Sigh…

This film is bad, both as a Hellraiser story and as a DTV horror flick.  I wouldn’t even recommend it for Hellraiser film completists.  There’s no reason to watch this except for self-abuse.

MY CALL:  Although unrelentingly gruesome at times, its gore always finds integral purpose.  This film is more about its characters than its death, and never dares to revel in its brutality in lieu of story.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Saw:  Well there are six sequels and now part VIII, Jigsaw (2017). Cube (1997) and Se7en (1995) share some of the death trap and methodical villain themes, respectively.  Subsequent torture porn for gory thrill-seekers would include Hostel I-II (2005, 2007; but not part III), Martyrs (2008; not the remake), The Human Centipede films (2009, 2011, 2015), and the I Spit on Your Grave series (1978 original, 2010-2015).  For more fun and innovative kills I’d also recommend the Final Destination films (2000-2011; but skip part 4).

Director James Wan (The Conjuring 1-2, Insidious 1-2) and writer Leigh Whannell (Insidious 1-4, Saw II-III, Cooties) don’t like to play by the standard horror rules.  This pair leaves all the guilty tropes behind and I love them for it!

Wan spins atmosphere like orb-weavers spin webs; elegantly elaborate, yet walk into it and all you’ll find is panic!  From the very start, things look hopeless as we meet Doctor Gordon (Cary Elwes; The Bride, Bram Stoker’s Dracula) and Adam (Leigh Whannell) in a filthy bathroom of a clearly long-condemned building.  The walls are painted in feces, they’re chained to rusty pipes, and the corpse of an apparent suicide lays in its own blood with a tape player in one hand and a gun in the other.  Oh, right.  And they find tapes with ominous instructions regarding their fate.  How’s that for tone?

As these two quibble over who’s to blame for how they got there, flashbacks account detectives Tapp (Danny Glover; Predator 2), Sing (Ken Leung; Lost, Red Dragon) and Kerry (Dina Meyer; Bats, Saw II-IV, Piranha 3D) busy trying to solve the string of deaths linked to the terminally ill Jigsaw Killer (Tobin Bell; Boogeyman 2-3, Saw II-VII).  Elaborate, mechanized death traps lead to frantic self-mutilation sparing Jigsaw from ever having to perform murders himself.  Among his macabre masterpieces we discover tangled webs of razor wire and the iconic jaw-breaking reverse bear trap.

This film is unrelentingly gruesome at times, yet its gore always finds integral purpose.  People desperately plunge their hands in putrefied stool or bloody tangled intestines literally searching for freedom. They grovel as they realize the horrors they must perform to survive…like sawing off their own foot or killing a fellow victim of Jigsaw’s cruel game.

Despite the occasional brutality, this film is more about its characters than its death.  Our mastermind may kill most who befall his plans, but he wants those who actually live to appreciate their lives differently.  Amanda (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw II-III/VI, The Grudge 3) is our lone survivor, and she gives a tremendous performance as a hysterical victim.  Between her, Zep (Michael Emerson; Lost), an obsessed detective and Gordon’s wife (Monica Potter; The Last House on the Left), we are up to our neck in red herrings that sort themselves out to our satisfaction.

This really set the stage for modern torture porn—although the script seems so thoughtful that the application of this subgenre feels on the verge of derogatory.  This film never dares to revel in its brutality in lieu of story. Cube (1997) and Se7en (1995) clearly colored Wan’s palate, but didn’t overly guide his brush strokes.  All resistance feels futile from the moment the set-ups are revealed, everyone dies, and evil wins with nary a silly nor ill-explained nor eye-rollingly ironic twist to be found.

Anyone who hasn’t yet seen this is in for a treat.

MY CALL:  Less tactful and more brutal, this was a very different film than part I.  Following very much the trajectory between Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), we shift from a film driven by atmosphere and characters to one of world elaboration and gorier effects.  But honestly, it’s a rather satisfying shift.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Saw:  Well, after Saw (2004) there were six sequels and now part VIII, Jigsaw (2017). Cube (1997) and Se7en (1995) share some of the death trap and methodical villain themes, respectively.  Subsequent torture porn for gory thrill-seekers would include Hostel I-II (2005, 2007; but not part III), Martyrs (2008; not the remake), The Human Centipede films (2009, 2011, 2015), and the I Spit on Your Grave series (1978 original, 2010-2015).  For more fun and innovative kills I’d also recommend the Final Destination films (2000-2011; but skip part 4).

Show me a horror sensation and I’ll show you a swiftly released sequel, and that’s exactly what happened with the Saw’s (2004) success—not that I’m complaining!  Just one year after the original’s release, James Wan (The Conjuring 1-2, Insidious 1-2) stepped back to the role of executive producer and writer Leigh Whannell (Insidious 1-4, Saw I-III, Cooties) joined director Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw III-IV, The Devil’s Carnival, Mother’s Day) for parts II and III.

At the end of Saw (2004), we watched in shock as Jigsaw (Tobin Bell; Boogeyman 2-3, Saw I-VII) stood up and strolled away after playing the unobtrusively limp centerpiece to his last death trap, leaving poor Adam (Leigh Whannell) to die in a filth-smeared bathroom.  But now with his mystique largely revealed, what will this sequel have to offer from our yet more terminally ill John Kramer (Jigsaw)?

Whereas part I was thoughtful and character-driven, this sequel replaces much of its class with crass.  More akin to a teen slasher, our victims awaken in a deadly funhouse of horrors that is more chaotically Cube (1997) than tactfully Se7en (1995). The rules are less clear, the tape player is less eerie, and our villain’s purpose is somewhat obscured. I’m not saying I don’t like it. I’m simply saying that the very elements that drew many fans to part I (its subtlety) has been rather sidelined.  However, that said, we do develop Kramer’s motive and back story.  And while many fans adored the characters of part I, others reveled more in its brutal nature.  And it’s that very brutality that gets turned up quite a bit in this sequel.

As detectives Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg; Dead Silence, Saw III-IV) and Kerry (Dina Meyer; Bats, Saw II-IV, Piranha 3D) race against time to locate Kramer’s murder house, his victims begin to turn on one another.  The aspect of choice deciding his victims’ fate is less of a driving factor, now taking a back seat to their own murderous desperation.  Adding intrigue is that the only survivor (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw I-III/VI, The Grudge 3) from part I has returned to play another deadly game.

Perhaps more mean-spirited, this sequel is more gruesomely cringe-worthy than its predecessor.  There’s much suicidal and self-mutilation imagery, wrist and throat cutting, impalement and skinning.  If anyone has an issue with needles, the “syringe scene” will make you reel.  No one even dies, yet it’s one of the most uncomfortable things one can watch.  Yikes!

Overall, this was a very different film than part I.  Following very much the trajectory between Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), we shift from a film driven by atmosphere and characters to one of world elaboration and gorier effects.  I miss James Wan’s more thoughtful influence, but honestly it remains a rather satisfying shift in style.

MY CALL:  Better than the second and highly rewatchable.  I’ve come to quite enjoy the highly different styles of these first three moves.  This is the most gruesome so far, but it still takes time to thoughtfully develop the overarching franchise story.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Saw:  Well, after Saw (2004) there were six sequels and now part VIII, Jigsaw (2017). Subsequent torture porn for gory thrill-seekers would include Hostel I-II (2005, 2007; but not part III), Martyrs (2008; not the remake), The Human Centipede films (2009, 2011, 2015), and the I Spit on Your Grave series (1978 original, 2010-2015).  For more fun and innovative kills I’d also recommend the Final Destination films (2000-2011; but skip part 4).

As Saw II (2005) rolled the credits, we left Detective Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg; Dead Silence, Saw II-IV) for dead in the very same filth-painted bathroom as we opened and closed in part I, and Jigsaw (Tobin Bell; Boogeyman 2-3, Saw I-VII) escaped with his disciple Amanda (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw I-III/VI, The Grudge 3). This sequel picks up right in that very same bathroom, with its accumulated cadavers ever more decayed.  Now on the third film in as many years, director Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II-IV, The Devil’s Carnival, Mother’s Day), writer Leigh Whannell (Insidious 1-4, Saw I-III, Cooties) and executive producer James Wan (The Conjuring 1-2, Insidious 1-2) continue Jigsaw’s intestine-exposing shenanigans.

Whereas part I was character and story-driven, part II was a chaotically mean funhouse of horrors, and now part III takes yet a new approach—that of a Final Destination-style kill flick that basks in the gory glory of its death scenes.  Basically, while thoughtfully deepening the over-arching franchise story, these sequels keep getting meaner and clearly delight on transforming each subsequent release into something devastatingly harder to watch than the last.

Everything is yet more gruesome and brutal as we skip the saw and go right for bone-crushing blunt-force trauma.  The early chained victim sequence is viciously cruel, with the rib-ripping harness and the hypothermia rig follow suit.  But something else is new beyond the more abundantly showcased chunks of gore.  The camera lingers more on the suffering…  The brain surgery scene offers exactly what you expect, yet takes its time to such extent that you find yourself dreading each application of the power drill.  Paving the way for films like Evil Dead (2013) and Drag Me to Hell (2009), the offal pit offers waves of putrefied bodies frappe-blended into a slimy drowning pool and “the rack” regaled us with the sounds of slippery twisting flesh punctuated by cracking and splintering bones exposing themselves through mangled skin.  That’s right, people—don’t watch this with your grandmother.

During the offal pit scene, I was eating scrambled eggs with chunks of bacon covered in (no joke, folks) a green avocado chili sauce.  Nice timing.  LOL.

Each movie seems to have its star victim; the one with the deck stacked most against them. Gordon in part I, Detective Matthews’ son in part II, and part III follows Jeff (Angus Macfadyen; Saw IV) who encounters death trap victims at the mercy of his forgiveness.  Yes—forgiveness.  This film is about redemption.  Detective Kerry (Dina Meyer; Bats, Saw I-IV, Piranha 3D) seeks to save Matthews, Amanda is trying to save Jigsaw, Jigsaw wants to save Amanda, and Jeff is challenged to save his family.

As each film in the series advances, so advances John Kramer’s cancer.  Now near death in his work shop, Amanda continues his handy work as we explore the history of their relationship—her frailty, his hopes for her, her jealousy, his disappointment…and how much it has evolved over the course of three films.  And therein lies the elegance of the franchise—three stylistically different films with three different approaches, but all stacking the deck high.  I continue to love all three films, but this third installment is probably the most rewatchable.

MY CALL:  This franchise was always good about featuring characters in whom we invested…but this time I just didn’t care about any these characters. Easily my least favorite (and by far the most confusing) of the franchise so far (I-IV). But I’ll give credit where it’s due—the contributions to the franchise story-arc were ambitious.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Saw:  Well, after Saw (2004), Saw II (2005) and Saw III (2006) there are sequels up to part VIII, Jigsaw (2017). Subsequent torture porn for gory thrill-seekers would include Hostel I-II (2005, 2007; but not part III), Martyrs (2008; not the remake), The Human Centipede films (2009, 2011, 2015), and the I Spit on Your Grave series (1978 original, 2010-2015).  For more fun and innovative kills I’d also recommend the Final Destination films (2000-2011; but skip part 4).

The “where are we now” SIDEBAR:  When part II ended we learned that Amanda (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw I-III/VI, The Grudge 3) had been Jigsaw’s (Tobin Bell; Boogeyman 2-3, Saw I-VII) disciple throughout the entire film, and as part III developed we learned her involvement extended through the majority of events of part I!  But something else was new.  Amanda’s death traps were unbeatable; designed to kill rather than challenge their victims to live. So, Jigsaw tested her (she failed, and died).  But she wasn’t alone.  Jeff (who we just met in part IV) failed, too.  Now on the fourth film in as many years, director Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II-IV, The Devil’s Carnival, Mother’s Day) and executive producer James Wan (The Conjuring 1-2, Insidious 1-2) continue Jigsaw’s intestine-exposing shenanigans.  Much to my dismay, this is the first film of the franchise not written by Leigh Whannell (Insidious 1-4, Saw I-III, Cooties).

After Kerry’s (Dina Meyer; Bats, Saw I-III, Piranha 3D) death and so many others, Lt. Rigg (Lyriq Bent; Saw II-III, Mother’s Day) remains to be tested by Jigsaw.  And so, he must save the apparently still living Detectives Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg; Dead Silence, Saw II-IV) and the recently captured Lt Hoffman (Costas Mandylor; Saw V-VII, The Horde).  But where’s Jeff (Angus Macfadyen; Saw III) in all this?  When part III ended Kramer’s tape instructed that Jeff would have to “play a game” to save his daughter…then the credits roll.  Curious.

The extensive gore and long-scened brutality persist beginning with an enduring autopsy which recovers the tape Kramer swallowed right before our eyes in part III.  However, these gruesome scenes simply don’t hit as hard as they did in the most brutal part III.  The “see no evil, speak no evil” opener really only felt intense during the painful stitch-ripping yell, the voyeur-rapist’s demise was bloody but unsensational, and the impaled marriage packed no punch behind its cleverness (although the actors playing the victims did well).  Just about the only time I was nervous for a victim and reeling over her torment was during the scalp-tearing hair winch scene.  I can’t tell if our director has grown uninspired and lazy, perhaps over ambitious and unable to keep up with his elaborate plot, or if he’s mourning the loss of the franchise’s great writer (Leigh Whannell).

Speaking of whom, I’m really feeling Whannell’s absence.  The story and exposition in this installment feels stale—clearly a lot of thought went into it, but it didn’t seem as proficiently and thoughtfully executed as we’re accustomed to in this series.  Before we were shown how things came to be and how Kramer’s pathology formulated.  Now we have the FBI spewing explanations at us viewers as if we sit in a lecture hall.  We learn more about Kramer’s marital problems, his ex-wife Jill (Betsy Russell; Saw III-VII), and what they suffered that incited his motive and philosophy.  But, like the death scenes in this sequel, there is just no magic; no cultivated tension.  I’m not invested in any of these characters (as I once was in I-III) and I just don’t care like I once did.

It’s still pretty fun (though no longer awesome) watching the death traps unfold, but that’s all that’s fun.  The quality is just way down (except for maybe the hair winch).  Even the manner in which they are staged feels weaker, as if Riggs was just walking through a funhouse scavenger hunt, reading clues aloud, and then a judgy tape narration explains away the next death as Jigsaw tries to proselytize Riggs from the grave with mantras written on the walls in blood.  Oh, and the FBI agent (Scott Patterson; Saw V-VI) will bullet point everything in case you missed it the first time.  It’s somehow convoluted and cryptic yet simultaneously shallow.  I mean, in parts II-III we learn about Amanda’s involvement, we have no clue of Jeff’s (Angus Macfadyen; Saw III) whereabouts (even though part III ended implying he’d become Jigsaw’s new executioner), and it’s revealed that perhaps others are behind the scenes in one way or another.

There’s too much going on with too many people for me to start caring about any of them.  Dare I say it, but this may be the first of the Saw films during which I found myself just “waiting” for it to end.  It’s maybe kinda’ boring (for a Saw film, that is—not in general).  When we meet the great reveal at the end, I wasn’t exactly stunned. I absolutely didn’t see it coming (it was basically impossible to see coming), but I just didn’t have any reason to care.  That used to be a strong suit for this franchise.

This was easily my least favorite (and by far the most confusing) of the franchise so far (I-IV). But I’ll give credit where it’s due—the contributions to the franchise story-arc were ambitious.  Honestly, in hindsight I find myself “appreciating” this sequel more than I “liked” it.

MY CALL:  I was entertained, but I miss the quality of parts I-III. This was just “okay.”  The characters were lame and, despite being thoughtfully elaborated, the story was ill-executed to the point that I never really cared…and I wanted to care!  MORE MOVIES LIKE Saw:  Well, after Saw (2004), Saw II (2005), Saw III (2006) and Saw IV (2007) there are sequels up to part VIII, Jigsaw (2017). Other torture porn for gory thrill-seekers would include Hostel I-II (2005, 2007; but not part III), Martyrs (2008; not the remake), The Human Centipede films (2009, 2011, 2015), the I Spit on Your Grave series (1978 original, 2010-2015), and even the Final Destination films (2000-2011; but skip part 4).

The “where are we now” SIDEBAR:  Part IV was a bit confusing, so let’s review.  Late in part IV we learn that during the events of part III, John Kramer (Tobin Bell; Boogeyman 2-3, Saw I-VII) had recruited the apprenticeship of Detective Hoffman (Costas Mandylor; Saw IV-VII, The Horde), unbeknownst to Amanda (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw I-III/VI, The Grudge 3).  So essentially, sometime during part III’s timeline, part IV’s timeline begins to parallel it (e.g., Detective Kerry’s death), and the two timelines actually end at the same time when Agent Strahm (Scott Patterson; Saw IV-VI) kills Jeff (Angus Macfadyen; Saw III) after Jeff kills Jigsaw and Hoffman locks Strahm in with the bodies and strolls off!

The autopsy that opened part IV actually occurred at the end of the timeline for parts III and IV, showing Detective Hoffman playing the tape (swallowed in part III) revealing that, despite Jigsaw’s death and the completion of Hoffman’s assigned tasks, that this was all “only the beginning.”  Now part V begins the very night that Hoffman trapped Strahm…

Picking up after Darren Lynn Bousman’s (Saw II-IV, The Devil’s Carnival, Mother’s Day) mid-franchise trilogy, director David Hackl (production designer on Saw II-IV) boldly continues this brutal franchise by opening with a classically-inspired pendulum death…which was conceptually basic yet satisfying in its sloppy, chunky delicious gore.  And, I’m sorry to say, this was the best death scene in the movie.

Much like part IV, I can tell that this sequel and its filmmakers are trying, and admirably so.  But somehow the execution just never hits the mark from parts I-III (when Leigh Whannell was writing).  We continue to find new bold revelations that are tactfully reverse-engineered to befit the story of the entire franchise, but I’m simply less impressed with the delivery than I am with ideas themselves.  However, let me take off my “critic’s hat” for just one moment and speak as a fan: yes, I’m glad they continue to make these movies.  There, I said it.  “Critic’s hat” back on— while enjoyed watching this the first time (in theaters years ago), this film’s rewatchability is low.

Somehow escaping Hoffman and Kramer’s machinations, Agent Strahm is one Hell of a survivor!  Not only that, but one Hell of an investigator since he readily senses Hoffman’s involvement and digs his heels deep into the case.  That’s the focal point of the film: Strahm vs Hoffman.  But every saw movie has two parallel stories; part of their charm.

As a series of flashbacks add flavor to Hoffman’s relationship with Kramer, we likewise presently follow a group of victims who, not surprisingly, serve as each other’s own worst enemy as often as ally while trying to survive one death trap “game” after another.  The group dynamic is vaguely similar to that of part II (the deadly funhouse of horrors when everyone turned on each other).  Part V’s traps strike me as uninspired (although somewhat elaborate) and not very exciting to witness.  Despite likewise uninspired traps, even part IV’s (the first noticeable drop in franchise quality) games were somewhat entertaining to watch as they gorily unfold.  Part V’s are less so.

People beat each other to death, get decapitated, succumb to improvised explosives, get crushed in enclosing walls, suffer electrocution, and buzz saw their own limbs…and you know what, none of those scenes were cool.  The kills felt comparable to a SyFy Channel movie-of-the-week, and the characters were accordingly poorly written such as to cultivate not a care in the world (on our part) that they survive.  By far the best death scene was the pendulum opener, and that should not be the case in a franchise once known for gut-punching endings.

Look, this flick is entertaining and the filmmakers are still ambitious (even if they fail to impress). But the only reason I can muster to watch this is because you just saw the mediocre part IV and intend to power through.  This can be your evening opener or a Sunday afternoon hangover movie, just don’t make it your main event of the evening.  We’ll catch up more when I review part VI next week…

MY CALL:  A fine contribution to the zombie subgenre!  Very pleased with this scientific approach to zombiism and the film’s ability to capture humanity and the Devil’s advocacy of morality.  MORE MOVIES LIKE The Girl with All the Gifts:  Well, above all others see The Returned (2013)—it tackles morality outstandingly.  Then go for 28 Days Later (2002), Children of Men (2006; not a zombie film), and maybe even World War Z (2013) and the TV series The Walking Dead (2010-present). Also sticking an emotional vein for the zombie genre was Train to Busan (2016).

Director Colm McCarthy (Peaky Blinders) doesn’t have a long filmography, but he has balls and wit—the balls to take risks and the wit to make it work. It may not be so uncommon to find new dystopian future and/or zombie movies nowadays, but the good ones are far and few between.  I’d say McCarthy’s risks paid off to our benefit here…

Introduced to a bleak world in the early stages of zombiegeddon, we find daily activities beleaguered by draconian military procedure aimed at the securing, incarceration and control of… children?  But why, one must wonder.  Warm-souled preteens are strapped down and wheeled to their seemingly routine classroom lessons at gunpoint, tended with more caution than if Hannibal Lecter himself was transported.  We know something, some otherwise normative axiom, has been quite violated in this future—and the violation clearly resides under the veil of innocence.

A school teacher to these young threats, Helen (Gemma Arterton; Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, The Voices, Byzantium) serves as our voice of compassion.  She feels for the humanity that clearly resides in them—or so she would contest.  But opposite Helen, Dr. Caldwell (Glenn Close; Fatal Instinct, Mars Attacks!) would posit these kids’ sympathetic behavior as putatively adaptive.  We are left to wonder who is right.  Or, possibly, could both correct?  I’m sure Physicist Erwin Schrödinger would be most elated by the cinematic analogy of his packaged feline paradox.

Mediating both counterpoints is Sgt Parks (Paddy Considine; Hot Fuzz, The World’s End) and his men, who adopt a “typical” military approach to the threat. And to give that threat a name, we focus on the kind-hearted Melanie (Sennia Nanua).

The most successful modern zombie movies need more than rotting animated corpses.  The zombie genre thrives on sociology, its degeneration and humanity alike.  Inevitably viewers will compare this to World War Z (2013) or The Walking Dead (2010-present) due to scenes of scrambling zombie hordes (or herds).  But that aggregating behavior predates such work and goes back to the root of all: Romero’s trilogy.  Instead, I’d compare this to the trials of TWD’s characters struggling with morality, or the empathy of the “turn” championed in The Returned (2013).

Reflecting on sympathy for the infected, consider Roger (Dawn of the Dead), afforded every minute by his fellow mall-marooned survivors to live out his humanity before his turn; or Bub (Day of the Dead), given so much compassion for the echoes of humanity hidden beneath his flesh-eating surface; or any other character altruistically ending themselves (to keep others safe) or conversely fearfully begging for every last minute after being doomed by a zombie’s bite even to the point of hiding it (a dangerous denial putting all others at risk).  Dealing with that—the infection (not the zombie)—is this film’s focus and strength.

This film digs deep and manages to garner something zombie movie fans (or film fans) haven’t quite seen before, or at least does something you may find familiar in a novel manner.  While I thought many aspects of the third act were executed suboptimally (in my opinion anyway), I was largely pleased with the overall product.  It took some interesting turns that go against our troped up expectations for the genre, and it does so with a less predictable moral grounding.  Very pleased with this one!

MY CALL:  This was a redeeming sequel, making up for the writing, character and death scene shortcomings of parts IV-V.  We’ve returned to the standard expected by Saw fans and the plot expansion was tremendously satisfying.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Saw:  Well, after Saw (2004), Saw II (2005), Saw III (2006), Saw IV (2007) and Saw V (2008) there are sequels up to part VIII, Jigsaw (2017). Other torture porn for gory thrill-seekers would include Hostel I-II (2005, 2007; but not part III), Martyrs (2008; not the remake), The Human Centipede films (2009, 2011, 2015), the I Spit on Your Grave series (1978 original, 2010-2015), and even the Final Destination films (2000-2011; but skip part 4).

The “where are we now” SIDEBAR:  Remember back when we learned that Amanda (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw I-III/VI, The Grudge 3) was Jigsaw’s (Tobin Bell; Boogeyman 2-3, Saw I-VII) apprentice since the beginning? Well, apparently, Hoffman (Costas Mandylor; Saw IV-VII, The Horde) was his other apprentice—perhaps unbeknownst to Amanda (who died in part III).  We left off (in part V) as Agent Strahm (Scott Patterson; Saw IV-VI) was being crushed to death with his blood oozing over Detective Hoffman’s escape chamber.

I must admit, after loving parts I-III, IV and V felt a bit lazy on the death trap scenes and writing (for me).  But thankfully part VI starts out strong with two victims racing (against each other) to cut off their “pound of flesh” to save their own life and watch the other die.  I really savored the frantic nature of it all.  And, as an added bonus, we see the sloppy gore that remains of Agent Strahm.  Deliciously messy!

Our victims in this redeeming sequel are all connected to an insurance company oozing with slimy scams to screw over ill policy holders.  There’s something oddly satisfying in that—seeing the insurance company get their grisly comeuppance.  Our star victim is William (Peter Outerbridge; Silent Hill: Revelation, Land of the Dead, Mission to Mars), an executive behind some shady dealings who must run an obstacle course of death spanning much painful sacrifice as he decides who among other victims live or die.  The flashbacks explaining his connection to Kramer are great, and bring a new level of justification to the “game” that befalls William.

Like parts IV-V, some of the death traps were unimpressive—but some were decent, and that was a nice rebound.  The breath-vice trap was meh, the barbed wire hangman trap was morally compelling but just meh as a death scene, likewise I was unimpressed by the mechanism itself but enjoyed the mean-spirited mass hysteria of the merry-go-round roulette scene, the boiler room steam maze was exciting, and the acid death is a gooey wonder!  We even have a surprise reappearance of the reverse bear trap jawbreaker (Amanda’s test; part I).

There’s a lot going on in this sequel, and it manages to follow all ties through to a satisfying end. I was actually surprised that the same writing team was behind this (which I enjoyed) and parts IV-V (which I didn’t).  I really cared about these characters (a lot), victims and villains alike—even though ones I didn’t like in part V.  So, yes, credit is due.  There are many surprises, many reveals.  Agent Perez (Athena Karkanis; Saw IV, The Barrens) is alive and Agent Erickson (Mark Rolston; Saw V, Aliens, RoboCop 2) finds clues implicating “a new killer” behind the Jigsaw murders!

We also continue to find new bold revelations that are tactfully reverse-engineered to befit the story of the entire franchise.  This sequel continues to enrich the franchise with Kramer’s complicated history with his wife Jill (Betsy Russell; Cheerleader Camp, Chain Letter, Saw III-VII) and the mysterious box she was willed in part V.  Contrary to how things appeared in part IV (as if Amanda perhaps didn’t know about Hoffman), we learn that Kramer, Hoffman and Amanda were all working together the whole time, making a lot more sense of how such elaborate measures were accomplished.

I must extend my appreciation to director Kevin Greutert (Saw VI-VII, Jackals).  Across the board, this was a reinvigorating installment to the franchise.  The writing, direction and deaths were all stepped back up to the standard expected by Saw fans and the plot expansion was tremendously satisfying.  I haven’t said this since parts I-III, but I can’t wait to see what happens in part VII!!!!!

MY CALL:  Some weren’t fans of this intended franchise closer and, you know what, I don’t see the problem.  I thought this was a delight.  Great kills and characters, old favorites and some solid closure to a franchise spanning 7 films in as many years.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Saw:  Well, the story makes the most sense if you see Saw (2004), Saw II (2005), Saw III (2006), Saw IV (2007), Saw V (2008) and Saw VI (2009) in order, then this (part VII), and finally Jigsaw (2017; part VIII). Other torture porn for gory thrill-seekers would include Hostel I-II (2005, 2007; but not part III), Martyrs (2008; not the remake), The Human Centipede films (2009, 2011, 2015), the I Spit on Your Grave series (1978 original, 2010-2015), and even the Final Destination films (2000-2011; but skip part 4).

The “where are we now” SIDEBAR:  In Saw VI (2009) we learned that Kramer (Tobin Bell; Boogeyman 2-3, Saw I-VII) recruited his wife Jill’s interest and involvement because of his success rehabilitating Amanda (Shawnee Smith; The Blob, Saw I-III/VI, The Grudge 3).  Contrary to how things appeared in part IV, we learn that Kramer, Hoffman and Amanda were all working together the whole time, making a lot more sense of how such elaborate measures were accomplished.  But not only that, as of part V we discover that Jill (Betsy Russell; Cheerleader Camp, Chain Letter, Saw III-VII) was involved the whole time, too! MIND BLOWN!  An FBI agent, an ex-tweaker zealot, a mad scientist engineer and a medical doctor sure do form an efficient torture team—just imagine the science and street savvy, and the access to legal and medical records.  After discovering that Hoffman (Costas Mandylor; Saw IV-VII, The Horde) double-crossed Amanda, Kramer instructed Jill (in his will) to kill him.  She thought she did, but Hoffman is a survivor!

So now with Hoffman seeking revenge, Jill turns to Detective Gibson (Chad Donella; Final Destination, The X-Files).  The saga continues as Hoffman pursues Jill, Gibson pursues Hoffman, and a new game begins…

Bobby (Sean Patrick Flanery; The Devil’s Carnival, The Evil Within, Dexter) masquerades TV talk shows as a Jigsaw survivor only to become the star victim in the latest game, the victims of which are everyone who was connected to his lies that brought him fame.  I bet he’s regretting that book deal now!

There was a notable drop in death trap quality in parts IV-V that thankfully rebounded in part VI. Well, things are continuing to resume their former glory as these deaths are a joy. The lover’s triangle resulted in a buzz-saw dumping a duplicitous girl’s guts to the floor; the steam-powered blade go-kart made an exploding flesh piñata out of a human body; the tooth-pulling scene hurt like…well, pulling teeth; the oven-roasted spouse was wild; and the superglue car trap was an immense tough-to-watch pleasure. I reeled as the victim tore off his own skin and cackled as his friend’s arms and jaw were torn asunder! But my favorite had to be the fish-hooked key trap. OMFG, in now seven Saw films no trap has made me reel and wince and yell at the screen this much since part III’s needle pit!

The best story contributions (so far) to the original seem to come from parts III, IV and VI.  This franchise has always been special by not only continuing a story, but by adding to the previous movies’ stories, building the franchise into a super-elaborate yet satisfyingly followable super-plot (hence the clever movie poster for this film). Well, part VII is no exception.  Remember Gordon (Cary Elwes; Saw I/VII, Hellgate)—yeah, that’s right, the doctor who sawed off his own foot (in part I) and crawled off presumably dying of blood loss?  Well…he lived!

The most iconic device in the entire franchise has been the jawbreaker (Amanda’s test; part I).  The machination reappeared in part VI, but Hoffman survived—jamming the trap.  But in this sequel, we finally get to see it work.  It’s strangely cathartic after all this time seeing it rip a jaw open in a millisecond.  Not only that, but this sequel yet again revisits the most iconic location: the bathroom from Saw (2004).  How fitting that these fondest franchise memories find honoraria in this sequel closing a run of 7 films in 7 consecutive years (2004-2010).  I’m left to wonder…will any of these characters, places and traps find encores in Jigsaw (part VIII)?

Some weren’t fans of this intended franchise closer and, you know what, I don’t see the problem.  I thought this was a delight.  Great kills, characters that mattered, revisiting old favorites and bringing closure to a spiderweb of plots spanning seven films.  Bravo, Jigsaw.  The game is won and your puzzle is complete.

MY CALL:  Interesting and inventive, but more a “should see” than a “must see” for fans of King and Flanagan, whose horror-crafting styles are clearly present. I enjoyed this odd film.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Gerald’s Game:  Hmmm… maybe Creep (2014) or What Lies Beneath (2000), as neither turn out to be as we expect.

When Jesse (Carla Gugino; The Unborn, Sucker Punch) and Gerald (Bruce Greenwood; Disturbing Behavior, Below) head out to their quiet lake house trying to spice up their marriage, things don’t go entirely according to plan.  Jessie is left in a most precarious position when her husband suddenly dies, leaving her handcuffed to the bed…alone…with not a neighbor within earshot.

Based on a Stephen King story, this intriguing film feels a lot like a one-act play complete with narratives, flashbacks and asides.  Everything revolves around Jessie’s fear of dying, or is it her desperate fight to survive…or is it to overcome her guilt?  Things tend to get hazy and frantic when one is faced with death, a hungry feral dog, deliriously dehydration, and your dead husband is just a few feet away.

Director Mike Flanagan (Oculus, Absentia, Hush, Ouija: Origin of Evil) is no stranger to trippy psychological horror, and this little thriller is just that.  Jessie hallucinates guilt trips, narrates her actions (to herself), and manifests boogeymen.

As we witness Jessie’s desperation, we viewers feel all the moral-testing torments swirling about her psyche.  And while it touches on many uneasy psychoanalytical aspects of relationships (from control to sexual abuse), this piece is just as interesting as it is uncomfortably engaging.  We build up to visuals and concepts that test our stomach, our sensibilities and our nerves.  Watch out for some cringing scenes (and quite gory out of nowhere) worthy of a Saw film, others reminiscent of the most horrifying creepypasta (a la Insidious).

For me the third act was equal parts insanely neat and, well, just insane.  Some notions of credibility and catharsis were tested in the last 25 minutes, but not in such a way that things fell apart or harmed my enjoyment of this odd film (a Netflix original).  Fans of King and Flanagan will see many of their staples, whether they be favorite actors, story-telling styles or recurring literary themes.  But I won’t call this a “must see” for fans of either horrorsmith; rather a “should see.”  It’s interesting and inventive.

MY CALL:  Forever a classic.  Yet I am hesitant to recommend this low budget slasher to anyone who didn’t grow up in this era.  It’s no longer exciting to me, but it holds a special significance.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Friday the 13^th:  For more classic ‘early modern’ slashers one should venture A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Sleepaway Camp (1983), The Burning (1981) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974).

The young counselor staff are stalked and murdered one by one by a mysterious killer while preparing to reopen Camp Crystal Lake which, decades earlier, was the site of a child’s drowning—Jason Voorhees.  Among our summer staff of victims are Alice (Adrienne King; Friday the 13^th Part 2, The Butterfly Room), Jack (Kevin Bacon; Hollow Man, Tremors) and Brenda (Laurie Bartram; The House of Seven Corpses).

Harbinger SIDEBAR: One of the more celebrated horror tropes has been the harbinger—the warning sign (person, symbol, legend or otherwise) suggesting you turn back now. We’ve seen inbred hillbilly attendants of near-abandoned gas stations, twitchy hitchhikers, or crazy old town criers up and down the genre saying things like “you don’t want to go down there” or “not since all those murders” or, in the case of this movie, a “death curse; you’re all doomed.”  Well, this classic has two back-to-back harbingers who garner an awful lot of screen time.  Apparently, after a 1957 drowning there were two murders in 1958 resulting in closing the camp.  So, I guess whatever teenagers take this summer job deserve to die for ignoring all the warnings.

Throughout the film we’re left to wonder just who the killer truly is.  We catch glimpses of the killer’s hand and shirt, appearing to be that of a totally normal person—no monstrous hands, tattered blood-stained garments or over-sized build.  So, when a tightly wound sheriff (Ron Millkie; A Return to Salem’s Lot) or one of our looney harbingers (Walt Gorney; Friday the 13^th Part 2 & VII) or Mrs. Voorhees (Betsy Palmer; Friday the 13^th Part 2) shows up at camp, our guard is up.

As someone who grew up on this franchise, I continue to enjoy it for what it meant at the time and my own nostalgia.  First-time viewers won’t be so impressed as the pacing is quite slow by today’s standards and the third-act confrontation (basically a long cat-and-mouse skirmish with the killer) probably won’t feel exciting compared to the fast-paced shock value so often found in modern horror.

With a humble estimated budget of $550K, director Sean S. Cunningham (DeepStar Six) brought us an iconic summer revenge slasher.  We often enjoy the killer’s POV, but the kills almost entirely occur off-camera.  Being early in the new wave of slashers, the death scenes aren’t yet overly clever. Some implied stabbings, a slit throat, an arrow through the neck (Kevin Bacon), an axe-impaled head, and a rather classic decapitation. Reminiscent of Halloween (1978), one counselor is found pin-cushioned against a door.

For older horror fans this will forever be a classic.  For younger fans…I really have no idea and am hesitant to recommend this to anyone who didn’t grow up in this era.  It’s no longer exciting to me, but it holds a special significance.

MY CALL:  Overall, this feels more like a cheap police movie than a martial arts movie.  The humor never seems to work, and the non-martial arts action is terrible.  Just fast-forward to Rothrock-Michiko fight in the end.  MOVIES LIKE City Cops:  Well, don’t watch Outside the Law (2002) or Night Vision (1997) unless you’re looking for proper Bad Movie Tuesday material.  Not Rothrock’s best work.  Instead, I’d turn to China O’Brien (1990) or better yet, Yes, Madam (1985).

Also released as Fight to Win and Miao tan shuang long, this is the quintessential Bad Movie Tuesday, complete with bad English dubbing and a paper-thin storyline. Things that don’t seem to matter constantly transpire and little ever makes any sense. We have tape recordings with damning evidence (e.g., Hard to Kill), haphazard gun fights, laughable dialogue, stolen diamonds, over-used sound effects every time someone swings a pocket knife, dirty cops, and a lot of misogyny.

Inspector Cindy (Cynthia Rothrock;  China O’Brien, Night Vision, Outside the Law, Undefeatable) is an American FBI agent working with local law enforcement in Hong Kong.  Why…?  Does it matter?  Not really.  I can’t even explain any of the three titles of this movie.

The first 35 minutes are devastatingly boring. The highlight is a completely lame bar fight that squanders Rothrock’s skills.  I’m assuming none of the stuntmen could handle basic choreography.  Thankfully the fights (and her opposition) get much better the deeper we venture into the running time.  I fear little in her filmography will measure up to her outstanding work in Yes, Madam (1985), but at least this is serviceable (in brief parts).  The sai-swordplay is good and there are some occasional decent acrobatics.

Fight Scene SIDEBAR: I’m not saying Rothrock isn’t impressive in this movie—probably not worthy of the Queen of Martial Arts moniker.  I’m just saying if she had the luxury of enjoying Tony Jaa (Ong-Bak), Iko Uwais (The Raid: Redemption) or Michael Jai White (Undisputed 2) as her opposition, she could show her full ability.  I’ve seen the same situation arise in Scott Adkins’ movies, in which he can only look as talented (or as unimpressive) as his worst stuntman (e.g., Hard Target 2).  For example, Rothrock has kicked someone like 10,000 times—so when she kicks someone the kick looks good.  But an actor that hasn’t “been kicked” too often looks like a stuntman school dropout in this movie.

We find a bunch of discount store bad guys—one has a cigarette immediately after finishing his sword practice in his office, another wears a bandana with a suit while conducting a cash briefcase transaction, others are dime-a-dozen goons that never seem to have guns when they need them.

Overall, this feels more like a police/crime action movie that happens to have some martial arts rather than a martial arts movie.  The martial arts are most satisfying during the big fight finale when Cindy faces Michiko (Michiko Nishiwaki; stunt woman).  Here the choreography captures the technique and grandeur of proper Kung Fu theater (or, close enough for this movie).

This was actually marketed as an action/crime comedy, but the humor never seems to hit—not even when you can tell it’s trying to be really clever.  Likewise, the non-martial arts action is terrible (in one scene I’m pretty sure a guy fired four times and five bad guys dropped).  The only reason to watch this is for the Rothrock-Michiko fight.  If you don’t watch this (for mockery) with friends, I’d suggest just fast-forwarding to that.

MY CALL:  More kills, more boobs and more excitement than its (honestly) slow-paced classic predecessor.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Friday the 13^th Part 2:  Obviously, Friday the 13^th (1980).  For more classic ‘early modern’ slashers one should venture A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Sleepaway Camp (1983), The Burning (1981) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974).

Part 1 SIDEBAR:  You may recall that in part 1, almost in the form of a Psycho (1960) mother-son role-reversal, Mrs. Voorhees (Betsy Palmer; Friday the 13^th) was our killer and she was taking her cues from the inner voice of her presumably deceased Jason in her head (“Kill her, mommy”).  Part 1 ended with her being decapitated (great scene) and her decaying son (perhaps a dream) pulling our final girl Alice (Adrienne King; Friday the 13^th, The Butterfly Room) into Crystal Lake.  Of course, when she awoke in the hospital, the sheriff informed he she was found in the water and there was no sign of a boy.

Director Sean S. Cunningham (DeepStar Six) brought us a low-budget ($550K) franchise opener iconic among slasher, revenge and summer camp horror.  Boldly following in his footsteps, the very capable director Steve Miner (Friday the 13^th Part III, Warlock, House, Halloween H20, Lake Placid) starts his career with twice the budget ($1.25 million) to introduce us to the franchise’s next killer: Jason.  What I find most amusing is that this movie is about Jason Voorhees avenging his mother who died avenging Jason’s death…even though he never actually died.

Halloween SIDEBAR: It’s fair (if not obvious) to say that Halloween (1978) clearly influenced subsequent slasher movies.  Someone (to me, on Facebook) recently made the claim that “Friday the 13^th was a was a direct spin-off/rip-off/carbon copy answer to Halloween.” With respect to part 1, I can’t say I agree with the extremity of the comment (e.g., “carbon copy”) when the killer was a crazy mother with nothing supernatural about her.  Even in part 2, Jason is just a man who cowers at the sight of a girl with a chainsaw and collapses after a kick in the balls—even if he does re-emerge alive after a blow that would kill anyone.  Only in later installments did Jason become the unstoppable undead menace we know today (and, in that respect, more like Myers). However, we do find a victim pegged to the wall (in part 1, with arrows; as Myers did, with a knife) and, in part 2, Jason definitely mimics the Michael Myers head tilt (after sticking the guy to the wall in the kitchen).

Mrs. Voorhees may be dead, but her son’s body was apparently never recovered and local folklore suggests Jason lives in the wilderness.  But no worries, crazy locals like Ralph (Walt Gorney; Friday the 13^th Parts 1 & VII) continue to warn all would-be campers “you’re all doomed.”

Moving at a more brisk pace than the much slower original (although not slow-paced back in 1980), a bigger camp staff means more victims, more kills and more nudity.  Now five years after the events of part 1, Ginny (Amy Steel; April Fool’s Day), Ted (Stuart Charno; Christine, Once Bitten) and Sandra (Marta Kober; Neon Maniacs, Slumber Party Massacre III) among many others are hired to prepare to open a camp on the other side of Crystal Lake.  These summer staffers die from all manner of stabbings, slashings and barbed wire strangling (likely inspiring the Wrong Turn razor-wire scene).  My favorite death scenes were the speared lovers and the toppling wheelchair.

Much as in part 1, the glimpses we get of our killer’s hand and clothing seem very “human.” Although his breathing is a bit on the eerily heavy side and, when we see him at the end, his face is a disfigured fright.

It’s funny looking back at this movie after seeing a total of 12 franchise films which make the killer larger, more unstoppable and more supernatural with each sequel.  Watching this 1981 killer is almost humorous—like, remember when Jason (Warrington Gillette, 6’1”; Time Walker) was just a dude who actually “ran” after his victims (unheard of in later sequels), was scared of chainsaws, and was slowed down by a kick in the balls from a scared girl?  Yeah, Jason has come a long way. LOL

Playing off the nightmarish end of part 1, we close with what may or may not have been our final girl’s bad dream and the questionable notion of whether or not Jason is still alive.  Probably alive, right?  In either case, part 1 was a classic that joined Halloween in ushering in the modern slasher era. But this sequel (the first “Jason movie”) is what really ignited the franchise by offering a movie with greater rewatchability and more excitement than its predecessor.

MY CALL:  Another entertaining installment to this killer doll franchise!  In style it’s somewhere between Seed of Chucky and Curse of Chucky.  [I viewed the Unrated Version.]  MOVIES LIKE Cult of Chucky:  The other Chucky movies most worth watching are Child’s Play (1988), Child’s Play 2 (1990) and Curse of Chucky (2013).  Other quality evil doll films include The Boy (2016), Annabelle: Creation (2017), Dolly Dearest (1991), Dolls (1987) and Puppet Master (1989).

This 7^th Child’s Play installment continues Curse of Chucky’s story and offers a brief recap—but ideally one would see Curse before moving on to this.  Andy (Alex Vincent; Child’s Play 1-2, Curse of Chucky) continues to live a tortured life.  With now scores of victims in the wake of his childhood killer that has gone uncaught for over 30 years, Andy’s social life has been reduced to spending weekends chatting up and torturing the severed head of an undying Good Guy Doll that taunts him to no end.  Even with proof that Chucky (Brad Dourif; The Hazing, Dune, Curse of Chucky) is a “living” possessed doll, no one believes him, passing it off as a clever stunt.

Meanwhile, after being diagnosed a schizophrenic and electro-shocked in a mental institution for four years, Nica (Fiona Dourif; True Blood, Curse of Chucky, The Master) has been tutored by psychiatrists that Chucky was just a fantasy masking her mass murder of her family.  But her grasp on reality is taunted as Good Guy Dolls seem to improbably find their way into her psychiatric facility: appearing her group therapy sessions, mailed packages and even from a gift from a strange visitor (Jennifer Tilly; Bride of Chucky, Seed of Chucky, Curse of Chucky).

Other members of the cast include Elisabeth Rosen (The ABCs of Death, House of the Dead), Grace Lynn Kung (The Strain, Cube 2: Hypercube), Ali Tataryn (Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings, Curse of Chucky), Zak Santiago (Cult, The Eye), Michael Therriault (Hemlock Grove, Nurse 3D), Marina Stephenson Kerr (Channel Zero) and Summer H. Howell (Channel Zero, Curse of Chucky).

Unlike Curse, which demonstrated a tactful restraint before revealing Chucky, this movie dives right into the deep end using Curse as the diving board.  Because of the story continuity with Andy and Nica’s recent experiences, the mystique of the possessed doll gets skipped entirely.

Brad Dourif continues to please fans voicing Chucky (as he has for the entire franchise), and Fiona nails some good scenes (those that were written well, anyway).  Their performances along the loving direction of Don Mancini (Curse of Chucky, Seed of Chucky)—who took part in writing all of the Child’s Play franchise installments and several related short films—make this another entertaining contribution to the series after the campy Bride of Chucky (1998) and Seed of Chucky (2004).  After the outlandishly farcical events and pacing of the 4^th and 5^th movies, Curse dialed things back only for Cult to return us to insanity!  Whereas Curse boasted a serious poker face (with a reasonable story) and a return to the old-fashioned malevolence that could make homicidal dolls menacing again, Cult is reintroducing us to Chucky’s sadistic sense of humor and the franchise’s historical tendency for lunacy.

Maybe this movie is going too far off the deep end again much like Bride and Seed.  The third act is incredibly zany and the dialogue takes a very campy shift.  Many of the lines and death scenes were over the top, but I enjoyed them anyway.  My favorites were the broken glass death and the two (yes, two) extremely gory head-stomping scenes.  When things start to feel a bit silly, the gore keeps our interest.  And as with Curse, the production quality was solid, including some decent cinematography.  As for the Chucky effects, I really enjoyed the range of facial expressions (as with Curse).

Cult ties in perfectly to Curse and then leaves the potential for an infinite supply of sequels.  Although, I’m not so sure as to how many we’ll get.  Whether Mancini continues to back them or we get a big budget reboot/remake for theatrical release, I’ll be on board!

MY CALL:  This summer camp slasher is way more campy than its predecessors. I found this to be the most boring of the series so far.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Friday the 13^th Part 2:  Obviously, Friday the 13^th (1980) and Friday the 13^th Part 2 (1981).  For more classic ‘early modern’ slashers one should venture A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Sleepaway Camp (1983), The Burning (1981) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974).

Part 2 SIDEBAR:  The last movie ended as Ginny (Amy Steel; April Fool’s Day, Friday the 13^th Part 2) discovered the severed head shrine to Mrs. Voorhees (Betsy Palmer; Friday the 13^th Parts 1 & 2) and impersonated her to fool Jason. But after our relief from Jason’s defeat—SURPRISE!  He’s still alive with a machete deeply embedded in his torso!

We open by replaying the last 5 minutes of part 2 as an elaborate recap and pick up part III the very next day.  So, with part 1 occurring in “present day” (1980) and part 2 occurring 5 years later (1985), this also occurs in 1985.

Having recovered from his horrible injury from part 2 (1980), Jason (Richard Brooker, 6’3”; Deathstalker) has come back meaner and bigger (part 2’s Warrington Gillette, 6’1”) to harass more horny lakeside twentysomethings.  Oddly, these victims are neither campers no camp staff.  Some mentionables from the cast include Rachel Howard (Deep Space), Dana Kimmell (Sweet Sixteen), Kevin O’Brien (Warlock) and Catherine Parks (Looker).

Ever-tougher Jason SIDEBAR:  Jason is still clearly human (as he was in part 2).  He dresses human, acts rather human (although homicidal), dives out of the path of cars, limps when he’s hurt, and is injured by stab wounds.  He’s bigger and uglier than before, but still human.  Although, he does somehow survive being hanged—which is about as remarkable as surviving his machete-embedded torso in part 2.  He even appears to survive an axe to the head…but that was presented as perhaps a dream.

After introducing us to Jason Voorhees, Steve Miner (Friday the 13^th Part 2, Warlock, House, Halloween H20, Lake Placid) returns for his second sequel with the popularity of the franchise garnering ever-enlarging budgets ($550K in ‘80, $1.25M in ’81, and now $2.3M in ‘82).  However, despite this, I was quite underwhelmed with the movie.

This sequel is not just the campiest so far, it’s simply crass.  There are pooping sound effects (yes, pooping!), sex and shower scenes, needless punks, unexciting kills, horrendous dialogue and perhaps the lamest 3D ploys in history largely limited to simply holding things in front of the camera (e.g., passing a joint).  The death scenes were largely stale, although I almost enjoyed the spear gun kill, the handstand death provoked a stupid giggle and who doesn’t like an eye-popping head crush (the only appropriate use of 3D in the movie).

It seemed that so much attention was afforded to making (now) idiotic things 3D, that no attention went to making the movie any fun.  Despite all the 3D hullabaloo and having its moments, and I do mean only “moments”, this movie was really boring for its first 50 minutes and slightly less boring for the last 40 minutes.  I mean, we see Jason way too often (opening and shutting doors, ooooooh scaaaary) and it never seems to matter.  In the final act we see him scuffling about in lame barn skirmishes like a clumsy street fighter.

The only definitive good to come from this sequel was Jason’s discovery of the hockey mask.  As iconic as the mask is to the character, it’s a sad irony that it was founded in such a circumstantially silly manner and in such a weak movie.  The best part of the movie was the surprise ending which plays on the stylings of the previous two movies, both of which had greater impact than this.  I’ll admit this is probably more rewatchable than part 1…it’s just less significant and it pales to part 2.  This may be the worst in the series.