MY CALL:  Better written than part 2 and just as fun as both its predecessors, Extinction offers a fun thrill-ride of mutant zombie action for Millaphiles as the franchise story continues to evolve with the T-virus.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Resident Evil:  Resident Evil (2002), Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), Doom (2005), the Silent Hill movies (2006, 2012) and the Underworld franchise (2003-2017) come to mind.  For a fine ratings vs earnings comparison of the Resident Evil and Underworld franchises check this feisty article out.

So, as we enter the third installment in Alice’s (Milla Jovovich; The Fifth Element, Resident Evil 1-2, Ultraviolet) virus-geddon apocalypse saga, she strangely wakes up EXACTLY as she did in part 1, in the same shower, puts on the same dress, encounters the same death-laser hallway and some other high-tech boobie-traps…but wait…then…she dies!?!?!?!  And then Dr. Isaacs (Iain Glen; Game of Thrones, Darkness, Resident Evil: Apocalypse), in a routine tone, gives an order to dispose of the body…?

Director Russell Mulcahy (Razorback, Highlander 1-2) swings for the fences, accelerating our zombie apocalypse into the desolate wasteland phase.  Alice narrates a brief flashback introduction to catch us up with the story, which picks up a bit after where it left off in 2004—with Alice wandering the apocoscape of the now Walking Dead­-ified world in which people will do anything to survive.  Moreover, the zombie-action feels more like a zombie movie at the times when it should (i.e., the zombie aspect doesn’t suck like it did in than parts 1-2)—even the zombie “setting” felt more zombie-appropriate.  This is the first of the series to get zombies right and the swarming murder of zombie crows was a nice touch that yielded high impact.

The Resident Evil films—regardless of their lack of critical claim—consistently deliver creative shots.  Here, the grand sweeping scale of the futuristic sandy Hellscape speckled with plague-swarms of undead birds crisply contrasting the sky compounds this measure powerfully.  Watch this in HD or 4K if you can.  As our survivors combat winged pestilence with flame-throwers the beautiful crispness smacks of a less refined Mad Max: Fury Road (2015), even if only for a minute. It is a spectacle, that fire against the sky.  Comparable scenes include brilliant lighting in the laser-trap hallway (2002) and the closing scenes during Alice’s escape (2004).

New to the Zompocalypse crew, Claire (Ali Larter; House on Haunted Hill, Final Destination 1-2, Heroes) joins Carlos (Oded Fehr; The Mummy, Resident Evil: Apocalypse) and others from part 2 as a team of nomadic Zombiegeddon survivalists.  And in this third installment, the Zombiegeddon world-building is in full force. We get a solid feel for the scavenging, odd skill sets, and limiting resources very quickly.

I feel like the stunts in this sequel eclipse those of parts 1-2 (in which they felt totally phoned in). I also remain grateful for the zombie dogs which are consistently done with practical effects in parts 1-3.  The zombie dog gore was simple, but worked very well. And the superhuman jumps were less Crouching Tiger (as in slower) and more Blade II (i.e., more dynamic).

Alice has become something different than before.  We have watched he evolve from highly trained (2002) to a virus-fueled superhuman (2004), and now develop telekinetic psychic powers worthy of the X-Men.  But despite this, from her demeanor to her fight choreography, I find Alice a more credible heroine now than ever.  Perhaps helping her credibility is that in this third installment she may be naked, but she affords eager viewers no nudity this time around.  Although she does continue to wear thin shirts and no bra.  You know, just keepin’ it classy. LOL.

Our final boss bad guy in this installment is easily the most satisfying of these first three movies.  The CGI still clearly appears dated, but this creature looks far more interesting and twisted and the final fight doesn’t suck for a change. When our favorite mad scientist becomes infected and mutates, he becomes a fungus-like tentacle monster.  It’s fun.  In fact, the whole movie is.  I’m quite surprised this one gets so much flack.  I loved it.  I’ve loved rewatching the series so far and I think their entertainment value holds up quite well.

Just as each movie began where the last ended and clearly indicated that a sequel was on the way, so does Alice here announce her intentions to murderously climb up the corporate ladder for the higher-up Umbrella execs who seek her blood which is apparently the key; the next evolution of the T-virus.  Stay tuned to see how part 4 (Afterlife) holds up…

MY CALL:  Much more hokey and corny than part 1, this senselessly discontinuous sequel remains a gory, gooey B-movie pleasure.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Warlock 2:  Well, of course, Warlock (1989). Some other “part 2s” that are decidedly zanier and gooier than their predecessors include Wishmaster 2 (1999), Gremlins 2 (1990), Leprechaun 2 (1994) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988).

Director Anthony Hickox (Waxwork, Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth) opens this sequel with some on-screen text providing the exposition that the writing and direction evidently could not.  Allow me to paraphrase: “Druids have protected us from evil forever…blah, blah, blah…and once every thousand years they perform some magic ritual to prevent the birth of the son of Satan.”  In the subsequent scene these druids align their rune stones or whatever and—don’t panic…relax!  They stopped evil from overtaking the world.

But now, with another thousand years behind us, the threat resurges.  The moon eclipses as a young woman puts on a rune stone necklace preparing for a date.  Gazing at the dwindling moonlight, she is overtaken by a spectral force (as in the entirely non-consensual The Entity), her abdomen erupts in instantaneous pregnancy, and a brain-like creature is messily birthed.  The mass of slime-covered organs pulsates, kills the woman’s Pomeranian, and from it—as if from a cocoon—emerges a naked newborn witch (Julian Sands; Warlock, Gothic) fully grown, exposing his man bits, and covered in goo.  The effects remind me a bit of Wishmaster 2 (1999) or when all the gremlins are melting in Gremlins 2 (1990)—it’s awesomely gross and the most memorable part of the movie.

The medieval action scenes were so not good; boring, in fact.  But it’s just here to set the stage for present day, when things get appropriately gory.  The birth scene was pretty cool if you like sloppy gory messes—which I do!  Our male witch also inserts his hand into a woman’s head, cooks a map onto his unwilling mother’s flesh and peels it from her stomach, tears the entire scalp off a hooker, and causes some gory death scenes.  Unfortunately, most effects-driven scenes fall flat except for the birth scene.  Brief cameos by Zach Galligan (Gremlins 1-2, Waxwork 1-2) and Joanna Pacula (The Kiss, Virus) add some entertaining turns to this ride, perhaps asking some forgiveness for the weak kills.

Much as how our spellcaster sought the pages of the Grand Grimoire spread across the country in Warlock (1989), in this sequel the Devil tasks him with finding the six rune stones in six days.  Naturally we’ll need some protagonists, so Samantha (Paula Marshall; Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth, Nip/Tuck) and her boyfriend Kenny are destined to save the world.

Kenny’s father Will (Steve Kahan; Lethal Weapon 1-4, Predator 2, Demolition Man) senses that something is amiss after witnessing an omen, and gathers his local buddies (R. G. Armstrong; Children of the Corn, Predator; and Charles Hallahan; The Thing, The Twilight Zone: The Movie) who are all apparently part of some modern druid society that expected the Warlock’s arrival and has the magical cockroach-powered compass (from part 1) to hunt him.

Quite self-aware, the movie playfully mentions Merlin and Faust. But these cheeky moments, not even in combination with the aforementioned cameos, in no way compensate for all the bad that was jammed into this hokey sequel.  At times this movie is trying so hard to be serious, but more often than not it fails.  But please be reminded, as a “bad horror movie” I rather enjoyed it.

The rushed pacing diminishes the effect of many death scenes and gore.  They may draw grins, but they won’t impress (except for the opening and closing gore scenes).  Many of the kills were totally phoned in, and with no real build-up or sense of consequence.  After all, this witch intends to bring about the Armageddon.  I feel like the movie forgets this apocalyptic ambition after the first few scenes.  Warlock (1989) had a story to tell, but this sequel seems to add far more silliness than substance.  It has its gory victories, but overall this not a good film (I’d go so far as to call it a B-movie).  Quite bad actually, and more so towards the end.

Ultimately the warlock, the Armageddon and the Devil himself were thwarted with a Jeep’s floodlights (yes, I’m totally serious and it’s easily as boring as it sounds), followed by an unspeakably bad magical duel involving a CGI dagger (not exactly the most exciting way to prevent Armageddon). Lame! But at least we close on a gooey gory note as the Warlock rots and melts away.

SIDEBAR about Franchise Continuity: Did this movie completely ignore that the events of part 1 even happened!?!?!?!  They seem 100% unrelated.  The first Warlock (1989) was sent to the future to assemble a book that would provide access to Earth for Satan.  So where did this new Warlock come from?  Also another time?  Was this just a second time travel attempt from 1800s Salem that went unmentioned?  And if so, why now crystals and druids instead of the pages of the Grand Grimoire?  Or is this more like the Leprechaun franchise theory that each movie featured a completely different Leprechaun (despite being played with the same personality and by the same actor)?  Perhaps, and if so, then there are numerous different prophecies which can bring Hell on Earth and for each prophecy a Julian Sands look-alike to expedite it.  Seems farfetched.

MY CALL:  The Matrix trilogy and Guillermo del Toro’s slack-jawed tentacle-vampires meet Silent Hill in this least entertaining Resident Evil sequel.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Resident Evil:  Resident Evil (2002), Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004), Resident Evil: Extinction (2007), Doom (2005), the Silent Hill movies (2006, 2012) and the Underworld franchise (2003-2017) come to mind.  For a fine ratings vs earnings comparison of the Resident Evil and Underworld franchises check this feisty article out.

Paul W. S. Anderson (Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon, Soldier) returns to the beloved Zompocalypse franchise and, apparently, he thought he was directing a Matrix sequel. No sooner are we re-acquainted with Alice (Milla Jovovich; The Fifth Element, Resident Evil 1-3, Ultraviolet) than we see her in Blade II ninja gear running across walls and spiraling through the air dodging slow-motion machine gun fire as bullet casings rain to the ground, their chiming on the floor punctuated by the hum of her twin katanas as she minces her way through dozens of Umbrella SWAT guards.

Coming after Wesker (Shawn Roberts; xXx: The Return of Xander Cage) at the Tokyo Umbrella headquarters, Alice has come full-force with twin Uzis, a leather and tights ensemble, and—as she promised at the end of Extinction—a whole bunch of her(s).  Despite the impressively attractive army of Jovo-clones, her plan backfires when Wesker neutralizes her T-virus; stripping her of her superpowers.

The franchise has taken us from the heart of Raccoon City to the Las Vegas desert and now we are swept to the beautiful Alaskan wilderness where the now human Alice is reacquainted with Claire (Ali Larter; House on Haunted Hill, Final Destination 1-2, Resident Evil: Extinction), and off to a dilapidated Hollywood where several survivors (including a slimy Kim Coates; Sons of Anarchy, Innocent Blood) have taken refuge in a prison besieged by zombies.

As the franchise progresses, so does the virus.  The hastened zombies now have quad-unhinging tentacle jaws (like Blade II’s vampire meets Hellboy’s Sammael; both predating Afterlife) and are joined by a giant axe-wielding hooded ogre (think Silent Hill’s pyramid head; also predating Afterlife).  It looks cool but both the film and the monsters execute poorly.

Despite all the action (and there’s a lot), the quality of the special effects seem to have dropped considerably since Extinction and I was unimpressed with the explosions and fights.  I’m not sure if this was an actual budget issue, or if Anderson dedicated so much attention to how this would look in 3-D that he never stopped to consider how it would look on a television.  Perhaps it was all much prettier with red and blue glasses on the big screen…?

Alice and Claire fight the giant ogre mutant and, outside of the monster looking cool, it bored me.  Yes, there was slow-motion giant axe-throwing, slow-motion water pipes bursting and slow-motion sliding across the wet floor by soaking wet ladies.  But I’ve got news for you, Anderson, slow-motion does not equal good.  It’s a shame, too.  Anderson clearly tried to make this a worthy rollercoaster of excitement to follow up parts 1-3…but…Alice running in slow-motion through a field of head-bursting zombies with quarter-roll buckshot just isn’t doing it for me. I miss Russell Mulcahy (Razorback, Highlander 1-2, Resident Evil: Extinction)…can we bring him back?

Dodging slow-motion bullets and sunglasses, the black leather-clad Wesker goes full-on Agent Smith, hellbent on “consuming” Alice as she is—wait for it—“the one” who can help him tame the T-virus. #MatrixEyeRoll

The highlights of this movie include the sheer fun of an army of Alices in the opening sequence, gorgeous shots of Alaska, the crisp sweeping interior shots of the ship Arcadia’s lower research decks, and the return of the weirder-than-ever zombie dogs.  The story is developed a bit and we are introduced to the Umbrella heart spiders, but nothing feels further explained; another weak point of this installment.

I have had a blast revisiting parts 1-3. However, I can comfortably say that this Zombiegeddon sequel was by far the least gratifying and least entertaining.

Resident Evil is like the Fast and Furious franchise of horror action in that they are always already planning on part 5 before part 4 hits theaters; complete with closing scenes revealing premise points with future villains.  Watch out for the Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory; Resident Evil: Apocalypse, The Time Machine) stinger at the end—as every other Resident Evil film has so far to harbinger its soon-to-come sequel.

MY CALL:  This senselessly stupid not-so-sexy hardly-a-succubus movie makes no sense. Neither the title nor any brief synopses can reveal how random this film is.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Evil Clutch:  This film created expectations of sleazy horror but failed to deliver.  So for more effective sleazy low budget horror try Breeders (1986), Evils of Night (1985), The Haunting of Morella (1990), Head of the Family (1996), Hideous! (1997), Bio Slime (2010) and Night of the Tentacles (2013). For similarly obscure horror movies that are bad but still make a notable effort on the effects try Superstition (1982), Ghosthouse (1988), Night Angel (1990) or Def By Temptation (1990).

IMDB says: “The story of a hideous monster who takes the form of a beautiful, seductive woman who in a torrent of special effects, beauty and monster transform into a climax of pure evil. For years this monster woman has cursed a small village, and to this day her deadly grasps holds the peaceful residents in fear. This ferocious, feminine fury possesses a shocking sensual appetite and she can only satisfy her lust when passion consumes her, by striking where a man is most vulnerable…. and the results are deadly!”  Right about NOW is when we should stop trusting IMDB and especially stop trusting misleading movie posters.

Written and directed by Andreas Marfori—not known at all for is not at all classic Ataga sovetskikh zombie—this super low budget 80s Italian horror movie will draw giggles only from those in search of the bad and campy.

Seduced by a strange and sultry woman, a young man is brutally gored by her hairy clawed crotch tentacle.  Yes, you read that right.  A hairy tentacle with a claw at the end, emerging from this succubus’ nether region, killed a man.  The effects are nothing to brag about, but they’re easily good enough to entertain fans of cheap horror and, hey, it tries.

Our sex-hungry murderess (who might be able to fly, not sure because the film is so poorly made) is picked up by a tourist couple (including Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni; Mother of Tears, Opera, Demons 2) who are subsequently warned about her by the weirdest possible man they could find in this tiny village among the Italian countryside.  The creepy local—who might just be the only local they find other than the crotch tentacle lady—unloads an elaborate regional history about summoning monsters.  Clearly our couple has found one.

This senselessly stupid film includes beer turning to sand, random zombie things, strange cauldrons of infectious goo, and the weirdest cuckoo clock ever.  Apparently, the demoness is trying to afflict the couple with something.  But it’s hard to understand what’s even supposed to be going on as our couple hikes into the Alps with this weird stranger.

Other than the crotch claw, the effects and events of the 50 minutes are all rather dull. In the last 30 minutes things pick up and we are bombarded by diverse weirdness.  There is more crotch tentacle, weird monstrous (maybe tree root) tentacles, clothes-on zombie love, an unseen POV Evil Dead force rushing through the forest, crusty zombie attacks, bloody dismemberment and some weak demonic transformation.  Yes, this may sound good…but it’s bad. Very, very bad. And you’ll probably only enjoy this if a bad horror movie is exactly what you were hoping to find.

The title seems quite misleading.  Our demoness implies sexuality and seduction, but never seems to consummate anything. So, I’d struggle to understand how an “evil clutch” would ever come to be…nor was any infernal offspring of hers even implied.

In summary, this movie is horrible.  It’s horrible, but it’s enjoyably horrible if you are in the mood for horrible and horrible draws laughter from you.  Whole lot of horrible, but I’ve admittedly watched, reviewed and even enjoyed far, far worse.

MY CALL:  This intellectualized mysterious autopsy film procures an outstanding premise in the first half, followed by a somewhat random second half that doesn’t measure up.  Take that for what it is, watch it anyway, and temper your expectations. It’s pretty damn neat.  MORE MOVIES LIKE The Autopsy of Jane Doe:  After.Life (2009), Unrest (2006), Deadgirl (2008).

After the mysterious body of a dead girl is found half-buried but otherwise unscathed in the basement of a brutally murdered elderly couple, the cadaver is passed to the care of father and son coroners Austin (Emile Hirsch; The Darkest Hour, Into the Wild) and Tommy (Brian Cox; Troy, Trick ‘r Treat, The Ring).

Director André Øvredal (Trollhunter) is a master of atmosphere and characters—and it shows.  The opening murder scene is calm yet dire, and we are transitioned to the playfully light-hearted father-son apprenticeship, complete with endearingly quizzical learning experiences cast over a gory burnt corpse.  These two are very close and it’s obvious. I love that. They bring a positive and dynamic energy enhanced by the film’s soundtrack.

As they begin the autopsy of their Jane Doe (Olwen Catherine Kelly), there are numerous medical anomalies; oddly small waist, curiously cloudy eyes, cold body temp but no rigor mortis, a severed tongue, bleeding…  But that’s hardly the beginning. The weirdness continues to be laid on thick as Tommy provides fleetingly thin hypotheses to explain one extremely rare oddity after another—any one of which alone would give a cadaver quite an unusual story to tell.  So, what story does Jane Doe’s body have to tell?  And why does her seemingly fresh body not externally match what is internally suggested?

There is a lot of nudity but it is not at all sultry. This is about an autopsy, after all—it’s not like they do these with the body clothed.  And not to such extent as, perhaps, a Saw film, but the gore was medically visceral.  As strange internal tissue trauma is discovered we have a front row seat to lacerated organs, flaps of tissue, and the crunching sound of cutting through a ribcage. It might make you moderately uncomfortable, but in a good way.

Theories will fire wildly in your head as you watch this.  Is she a vampire, a victim of some torture or ritual, a demon or undead thing, a vessel containing a demon…something else entirely?  You’ll wonder even more as strange things begin to happen inside the mortuary.  They are not subtle, and rouse unease.

When in doubt: burn it.

I was very entertained by this film and found the first 30-40 minutes to be absolutely outstanding. However, I cannot say the same for the ensuing hour, which felt like a very different and completely inferior film. Our once thoughtful and rational characters, all of a sudden, lost their intellect and wisdom and don’t even bat an eye at the most alarming things; they were basically written like dummies for the last 40 minutes.  Not scared people who, thus, stopped thinking straight—but dummies. I’m not really sure what happened. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hate the second half…but if you told me that an entirely different (and far less capable) director and writer did the second half of the film, I’d completely believe it.  It’s like the first 30-40 minutes was written as an exquisitely mysterious short story with a cliff hanger…and then it was forced into a feature length script that had to build another 60 pages to try and explain everything.

But for the fantastic novelty and mystery of the first half, I remain overall quite pleased and still highly recommend this.  Just temper your expectations accordingly.

MY CALL:  Complete, awesome absurdity is what we have here in this highly ambitious horror classic.  Here’s my take on the plot: a supernatural funeral director who occasionally seduces men (in the form of a young woman) employs bladed flying murder balls to kill people who interfere with his mission to create undead midgets whom he outsources as slave labor on an ultra-high gravity planet.  I shouldn’t need to explain who will like this film.  You know who you are.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Phantasm:  There is little out there that compares to this film, so I’ll just suggest Phantasm II (1988) and perhaps the subsequent sequels up to part 5.

Writer/director Don Coscarelli (The Beastmaster, Bubba Ho-Tep) sets an admirably uneasy mood.  We are thrown off guard right away with a smorgasbord of weird; dead calm shots of the mausoleum are striking and dire while beautiful and well-lit, but the marble chamber and the nearby funeral parlor are populated by diminutive evil beings (they look like Jawas) disturbing our sense of calm.

Pallbearers at his brother’s funeral, Jody (Bill Thornbury; Phantasm 2-5) and ice cream man Reggie (Reggie Bannister; Phantasm 2-5, Wishmaster) rekindle an old friendship while Jody stays in town taking care of now-orphaned teenager Michael (A. Michael Baldwin; Phantasm 2-5).

Perhaps for witnessing something he shouldn’t have seen, Michael finds himself followed by the skulking evil midgets that inhabit the funeral home and cemetery.  These malevolent sprites lead Jody and Reggie to greater other-worldly threats.  This threat and the Tall Man’s motives go largely unexplained.  He’s simply the tall, evil old man who runs the Morningside Funeral Parlor.

The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm; Phantasm 2-5, Subspecies, Wishmaster) is sufficiently gruff, supernaturally strong, and shapeshifts into a lady dressed in lavender (Kathy Lester; Phantasm III, Phantasm: Ravager) to seduce men or serve as disguise.  While we never witness them interact directly, it is implied that the evil dwarves work with him.

You can’t discuss Phantasm without mentioning the balls.  The effects were great, with the murderous chrome spheres flying throw the air (excellent and seamless rotoscoping, by the way), unsheathing blades, impaling victims, and drilling into their heads!  The gore is sufficient as blood gushes in bright red and mustard yellow. More silly than scary and an example of a cheap effect, a severed finger transforms into a furry monster beetle (for apparently no real reason at all).

If this all sounds weird, please understand we’re just getting started.  Apparently, the Tall Man is transforming dead people into his growling hooded dwarf servants and there is a portal to another dimension, to which he apparently outsources this labor force…to do…something.  Don’t expect any explanations.

These somewhat sci-fi concepts are introducing us to a greater theme that is only partially realized in this film.  As if world-building, Coscarelli is setting the stage for something of grander scale by letting us know that these things exist, without getting into the why’s.  At one point Michael visits a creepy fortune-teller and her telepathically linked granddaughter who subject him to a Dune-like “fear box” test.  But why?  Why are there truly supernatural diviners and why do they “prepare” young Michael for his future challenges (i.e., the Tall Man)?  Why does the Tall Man turn into a young woman, why always in a lavender dress, and why not someone else?

SIDEBAR with SPOILERS:  There’s a lot going on here.  The Tall Man is reanimating human corpses as evil compact dwarves so that their now denser bodies can handle the greater gravity of another planet, in which the dwarves serve as slaves.  We don’t know why, or to do what, or exactly where or for whom.  This is all somehow revealed to Michael (through a telepathic link perhaps) when he momentarily passes the portal and witnesses the harsh world on the other side.  Is it Hell, or another planet in a nearby solar system?  Are there other portals?  Is the Tall Man the head bad guy, or the equivalent of a Vegas pit boss or regional salesman/recruiter?  Who knows?  After watching this, we sure don’t!  As far as ambitious stories go, Phantasm is like the horror Avatar (2009) of the 1970s.  Unfortunately, only so much can be revealed with 88 minutes and a humble budget.
In the end, Reggie is consoling Michael that all of this (i.e., the entire movie’s events) was a bad dream, that Jody died in a car accident and that he would take care of him.  Then it ends much as A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) subsequently would, with the Tall Man inexplicably and randomly getting his due. “Booooooooooooy!”

This film felt scary when I saw it 20 years ago, but unlike The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) the scares definitely didn’t survive the test of time.  However, the eerie atmosphere, intriguing original story and special effects continue to impress me.  Also, as satisfyingly unusual as this story is, by today’s standards it feels sloppily told and haphazardly stitched together.  That said, I remain quite impressed with this original product.  This film may not feel organized, but it still has a lot of good to offer the genre and its story stands out even today.

MY CALL:  Maybe nothing special, but still worth a watch. This captivity-based psychological horror takes some unexpected and satisfying turns, but won’t wow you with reveals.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Pet:  The Gift (2015), Swimfan (2002), Dread (2009), Hunger (2009).

Rigidly awkward yet seemingly well-mannered and kind-hearted, Seth (Dominic Monaghan; Lost, The Day) works at an animal shelter and enjoys the dogs’ company as if they were his only taste of friendship. He happens upon Holly (Ksenia Solo; Black Swan, Lost Girl, Orphan Black), an old high school crush of his, and shines an interest which goes completed unreciprocated.

Unfortunately for Holly, Seth is one to fixate.  It’s a bit endearing at first as he rehearses asking her out on a date in front of the mirror, but more than a bit troubling when he studies her social media as if her affection were a test he could pass.  Seth becomes a bit obsessive, things get weird…you know how it goes.

What caught my attention was the very credible obsession that overcame Seth, who remained completely unable to understand how the object of his interest didn’t share his feelings.  I’ve seen it.  I feel, at some point, we all probably saw this happen to (or with) someone we knew.

As if Seth prayed to the Gods of Cliché Horror Convenience, the animal shelter has an abandoned wing with a cellar.  A little anesthesia and some online welding tutorials and presto—Seth has himself a caged pet he can visit during his lunch break.  He keeps Holly captive and systematically starves and conditions her to psychologically breaking her.  Here’s the thing…Seth may not be the only sick person in this relationship.  As the story progresses, the lines get a little blurred as to who is manipulating whom, who is using whom, who is torturing whom.

As director Carles Torrens (Apartment 143) guides us on our journey in this psychological thriller we find some brutal and gory scenes, some plot turns I wouldn’t have expected, and a lot of manipulation.

This film may not be anything special but it highly succeeded at entertaining me. It started a bit slow and plainly formulaic, but developed into something worthy of my time—even if I’ll never see it again since it’s more “neat” than “good.” I also enjoyed the ending—far from perfect, but endings are where most horror movies fall apart anyway, right? So let’s give credit where it’s due.

MY CALL:  This is a witty approach to the kinds of people drawn to gambling, their hot streaks and the lulls, and what happens when those two cross paths. As their relationships and superstitions unfold we find equal parts warmth and desperation in this film. I enjoyed it a lot.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Mississippi Grind:  Some other movies about people who find themselves dangerously in debt from gambling, and then gamble to pay their debts include Rounders (1998), 21 (2008) and The Gambler (2014).

Written and directed by Ryan Fleck (Half Nelson) and Anna Boden (Half Nelson), this is the kind of film that I am never really excited to see, but always satisfied after seeing it.  If you’re a fan of Ryan Reynolds or Ben Mendelsohn, that should be reason enough for you.

From their opening scenes we quickly come to understand our two unlikely cohorts.  Gerry (Ben Mendelsohn; Rogue One, Bloodline, Slow West, Animal Kingdom) is a student of the inner workings of the hustle, and the silver-tongued drifter Curtis (Ryan Reynolds; Deadpool, The Change-Up) enjoys a glib luckiness that draws Gerry’s interest.  After meeting at a poker table and enjoying a pretty damn clever joke revolving around Bourbon, Curtis and Gerry hit it off.

But Curtis seems less interested in actually winning than simply being entertained, and Gerry leans compulsively to the game.  And whereas Curtis strikes the match to make things edgy and interesting, Gerry is the powder keg for whom we worry.  You see good things always seem to happen to Curtis–but not Gerry, especially not when Curtis is gone.  But Gerry is our storyteller and we know a lot more about him than our mysterious charming drifter.

Knowing little about each other, the two embark on a journey.  We discover more about them as they do within each other.  Meanwhile we, as outsiders, gain perspective on what makes gamblers tick.  This film enjoys the superstitions of gamblers who pick winners at the dog track based on recent coincidences and desperately look for signs and lucky charms from their surroundings.

Ryan Reynolds is a more mature version of his last decade’s self.  He channels all the cutting charm that earned him our favor from Waiting (2005), Van Wilder (2002) and Buying the Cow (2002), but has now grown up…somewhat.  His charismatic drifter exudes occasional glimmers that smack of his touching performance in The Woman in Gold (2015); but most of the time he’s just Ryan being Ryan outside of the confines of his typical raunchy comedy.

Much as the temptation to stay and try your luck with one more hand, this film has a slow but powerful draw.  I’d recommend it for a quiet Sunday afternoon.

MY CALL:  If you’re in the mood for a sexy demon movie and have low to moderate expectations, this is for you!  MORE MOVIES LIKE Siren:  V/H/S (2012) and V/H/S Viral (2014) for reasons detailed in the review below. Also, note the Horror Romance Sidebar below for other suggestions.

Images (above) from Amateur Night

Based on the wildly popular “Amateur Night” segment from V/H/S (2012), director Gregg Bishop (who directed V/H/S Viral’s popular segment Dante the Great) combines our favorite actors from Dante the Great and Amateur Night in this feature length spin-off. This is exactly what we hope will happen after seeing great short films in horror anthologies.

Jonah is a nice guy.  Jonah (Chase Williamson; The Guest, John Dies at the End) is having his bachelor party and his hyper-active best man Mac (Michael Aaron Milligan; Shark Lake, V/H/S Viral segment Dante the Great) naturally goes overboard and makes it all about strippers and debauchery.

The feisty nature of the early scenes help make up for the writing and acting that just aren’t there.  It’s introductory fun-spiritedness journeys us to a ho-hum strip club with unmotivated lap dances, some standard comedy set ups that might draw a smile (e.g., B-squad strippers fumbling about the stage), and some sophomoric bro chat.  Mac encounters a slick stranger at the bar who invites them to a “more serious” and rather remote venue.  And that’s when things get weird.

The opening scene brings a partial explanation of the supernatural being commandeered by Mr. Nyx (Justin Welborn; V/H/S Viral segment Dante the Great, The Final Destination, The Crazies, The Signal).  Nyx is the proprietor of the secret strip club where we find Lily (Hannah Fierman; V/H/S segment Amateur Night), who has a “hint” of her true nature (harkening back to Amateur Night for those who have seen it).  Her origin is suggestive that she is a demon from Hell—like a succubus.  Only this seductress has a Siren’s song that will weaken the minds of men.  It mashes up a couple different fabled temptress creatures (the succubus and the siren) and doesn’t really explain outside of a summoned infernal origin.

Now I liked this but I’m just gonna’ come out and say it: between the acting and writing quality this feels a lot like a direct-to-DVD movie with decent production value.  I enjoyed the film, but it did little to impress and it just doesn’t seem to deserve a theatrical release (and I don’t think it got one). But despite these shortcomings the movie is enjoyable—to men anyway, I’m sure.

You see, Lily spends most of the movie naked. Like, 100% extremely don’t-watch-this-with-your-girlfriend naked.  On top of that, and catering to my standard horror hound preferences, she ends up dowsed in the blood of her victims, her monster make-up looks cool (although the CGI bat wings and tail aren’t exactly top notch), and there is a demon sex scene.  Bloody breasts and demon sex…isn’t that what horror is all about? LOL.

Horror Romance Sidebar: There’s also something satisfying about romantic connections in horror.  In this movie and Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992), the monster desires a protagonist; in An American Werewolf in Paris (1997), Spring (2014) and Return of the Living Dead Part 3 (1993) the romantic connection is mutual; and Bride of Frankenstein (1935) is considered by many to be the greatest horror sequel of all time.

Look, this film isn’t awesome. It’s not as good as Dante the Great or Amateur Night.  But here’s what it is: a satisfying movie for horror hounds with simple taste.  People can criticize the “quality of the film.”  But that doesn’t strike me as what this was all about. This movie serviced the demand for the story behind Amateur Night’s adorable monster.  And in that, it succeeded.

MY CALL:  Despite not having much of a story, the characters and creature development breathe heavy tension into Life. It’s a satisfying rollercoaster of fun, but packs none of the moral or heroic punch of Alien (1979).  MORE MOVIES LIKE Life:  Species (1995), Mission to Mars (2000), Red Planet (2000), Apollo 18 (2011), Alien (1979), Aliens (1986), Prometheus (2012).

Orbiting Earth on a research space station, six astronauts intercept a vessel containing proof of life on Mars: a dormant, flagellate, single-celled organism.  They quarantine the life form, provide nutrients, and watch it grow in a controlled environment.  But its metamorphosis finds nothing like the “single-celled” organisms we know on Earth and the term “controlled environment” never seems to go as planned in these movies, does it?

Life (2017) features a premise we’ve obviously seen before.  There’s a major discovery of life beyond our solar system, something goes wrong, and a crew with good intentions is trapped with some sort of alien organism driven to kill them.  Whereas past movies took us deeper into space or on planetary surfaces (e.g., Mission to Mars, Red Planet, Apollo 18) and others brought the discovery to Earth (Species), this is a lot more like Alien/Aliens (1979-86).  And while some are calling this sci-horror; it’s nothing at all like Event Horizon (1997)—yes, it’s scary, but not that kind of scary.  However, it certainly boasts seat-gripping suspense.  I spent much of my movie-viewing experience feeling VERY NERVOUS in an awesome way.

What’s really wonderful about this film is that the entire cast really delivered. The stakes are high, the consequences get dire, and everyone performs excellently. Each character had their own flavor, as of course they should.  Our introductions remind me of Alien (1979) and Sunshine (2007); everyone has their own impetus, or thrill, or sense of duty, or desire for discovery; all of them with their own idiosyncratic demeanors that show us who they are without relying on senselessly expository dialogue to explain them away.

Jake Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, Nightcrawler) plays a doctor who feels more at home in zero gravity than on an over-crowded Earth, Rebecca Ferguson (Mission Impossible Rogue Nation) is our mission commander forced to make tough protocol decisions when lives are threatened, Olga Dihovichnaya brings the compassion, sci-fi favorite Hiroyuki Sanada (Sunshine, 47 Ronin, Extant, Helix) plays the engineer and family man, Ariyon Bakare (Rogue One, Jupiter Ascending) is the xenobiologist, and Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool, The Voices, RIPD) is our down-to-Earth comic relief.

Director Daniel Espinosa (Safe House) has worked with Reynolds before and knew how to use him best—capturing his snarky charm and anxiety when appropriate.  When things get iffy Reynolds’ character is the mine shaft canary.  Reynolds has recently done some less-than-celebrated films (e.g., Self/Less, Criminal, The Captive), but his fans will love him in this (think more Deadpool, Mississippi Grind).

More than any of the human characters, the creature undergoes such development!  We, the audience, are caught up in the discovery even though we saw the trailer and know things will go horribly wrong.  So, while the creature seems almost cute at first, we keep wondering when and how the “life form” will become a “monster.”  This alien is not the communal mass of single-celled organisms you learned about in biology class, nor will many find its intelligence credible.  To that I say, get over it!  Just make the submission that this is from a world we don’t know, has cellular capabilities we don’t have, and accept that this could happen.  Once you do, this creature terrifies us as it hunts crew members.

They even gave it a name: Calvin.  Of course, they named Calvin when he was much less developed and was warmly neotonous. But the personifying nature of giving it a name (“Calvin”) makes things feel more personal (e.g., OMFG where is Calvin? Calvin got him! Calvin is in the air vents.). And speaking of intense, I feel the need to remind you that this was unnervingly thrilling!  If you’re jumpy, you’ll jump a lot. If you “never scare” like me, you’ll still get startled.  Things get creepy when Calvin gets methodical.

If you’re looking for a deep plot, you won’t find it here.  The story itself is nothing special—it’s the gift wrapping, really, for the intense thrill-ride within populated by great characters and a menacing alien force.  As such I recommend this more as a fun and thrilling ride rather than a praising its merits as a film.

The ending is GREAT.  I sort of saw it coming; but I wanted this ending and I loved its execution.  Some may roll their eyes, but this ending really draws attention to how things can go so horribly wrong and unplanned when things come down to a few survivors, a heavily compromised ship, and a deadly alien stranger.  It also brings a dark poetic justice to the title—as if it refers as much to life’s discovery as life’s own drive for preservation.

I LOVED this movie.

MY CALL:  Stan Winston (Pumpkinhead) showed us how great it can be when a creature creator helms a creature feature, and here Sandy Collora wants to do the same. I was pleased with his effort and would love to see a feature length spawn from this.  MORE Indie Reviews:  Here at MFF we occasionally do horror short film and pre-release indie film reviews on request. Among recent solicited promotions are Order of the Ram (2013; short film), Love in the Time of Monsters (2014; feature length), Interior (2014; feature length), Smothered (2014; feature length), In the Dark (2015; feature length), Trailer Talk: The Void, TRAILER TALK: Blood Money, Short Film Buzz: Burn (2016; press release), Brother (2016; short film), the indie techno-horror Other Halves (2016; feature length), and Scythe (2016; short film)

Disclaimer: This review was solicited by the filmmakers after I was issued a free digital copy for supporting their Kickstarter Campaign. However, my opinion remains unbiased as I was neither hired nor paid to produce this critical review, nor do I have an investment stake in the film.

This 18-minute short film drops us at would normally be the 70-minute mark in a 90-minute movie—basically, the final segment of a feature length film.  Our final girl is being chased through the rainy forest by a monstrous bipedal amphibious humanoid; essentially a more modernly designed Creature from the Black Lagoon.  She clearly knows what she’s dealing with already and it becomes readily apparent that all her friends (or, other people in the area who could help) are all already dead.

The acting was fine but had no line-delivery—just a woman (Lisa Roumain; Avatar) desperately running scared.  But the camera work was on point, featuring great shots of our forest setting, as well as some slow-motion boob-running for, you know, the people who just enjoy some slow-motion boob-running in a wet tank top.  What I noticed most was how water (in all forms) always appeared crisply attended.

The creature effect is a rubber monster suit, which some may want to dismiss outright just upon hearing that detail.  But it is done well and it is the very purpose of this short film!  When we first get a good look at it (4:45 on the running time), we see its reptilian eye-slip covers blink and its misshapen pupil dilates. This was absolutely not half-assed! I rewound about 5 times to watch the think blink and focus its eyes. A lot of attention was also afforded to the sounds the creature would make. I liked that. It’s all in the details.  When we see the monster again we learn more about it—it has dorsal nostrils something like a whale’s blowhole atop its head.  I thought it looked great!  Dungeons and Dragons fans, I think, will especially enjoy this monster.  It reminds me of the Sahaguin or Deep Ones, appearing as aquatic lizard men with all manner of gashes, scars, coral, hooks and bits of fishnetting adorning its scale-armored body.

The filmmakers also had some fun with the gore. I was reminded of the kitchen table butchering scene in Wrong Turn (2003) at one point, and I liked the aquatic zoological touch of having fiddler crabs scavenging en masse on a brutally gored cadaver.

This film was almost entirely composed of typical horror tropes and I don’t care. I don’t consider this a negative criticism; only an observation. Sometimes we want something formulaic yet well-made, and that’s what this is. I’d really like to see a feature length version of this. We don’t have much out there harkening back to The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)—except for, maybe, Creature (2011) or Humanoids from the Deep (1980), which I enjoyed despite their overt badness—and I feel we could use some more!  Director and creature designer Sandy Collora has done well.

MY CALL:  One of the better zombie films I’ve seen in a while, and featuring gorgeous shots and excellent characters. This is a major win and a thrilling ride, mixing the best of 28 Days Later (2002) and World War Z (2013) with a dash of Dawn of the Dead (2004) and Snowpiercer (2013).  MORE MOVIES LIKE Train to Busan:  Other recent, popular Korean horror films include I Saw the Devil (2010), Thirst (2009) and The Wailing (2016).

Who’s ready for a serious zombie film?

The premise is simple enough: “While a zombie virus breaks out in South Korea, passengers struggle to survive on the train from Seoul to Busan (—IMDB).”  It begins when, after a chemical leak from a nearby biotech facility, we witness the startling reanimation of a road-killed deer.

Director and writer Sang-ho Yeon (The Fake, The King of Pigs) gives us time to get to know our characters: a divorced businessman and his daughter (Soo-an) whom he barely knows. Their relationship is strained and she wants to return to her mother’s house.  So, the next day they board the train to Busan.  Their timing couldn’t have been better as the city was taking fire and the wave of zombies would narrowly miss the departure of their train.  Or would they…?  It appears that one bite victim got on…

In no time the infected turns, bites another, those two infect two more, and in minutes we have a little zombie apocalypse in our train car microcosm.  The incubation period for this virus is apparently only seconds, during which the body violently convulses and thrashes, complete with joint cracking sounds and spastic movements throwing back to Raimi’s deadite stylings of the 80s.  These speedy viral zombies remind me of the bum-rushing feral undead in Dawn of the Dead (2004) and 28 Days Later (2002).  And with this peril, Soo-an (Soo-an Kim; Memories of the Sword) and her father Seok-woo (Yoo Gong; Goblin) find a reason to bond: survival!

As Soo-an’s father tries to save her, she voices her sadness that he only cares for himself.  During his fight to survive, our once selfish Seok-woo becomes a better man, makes an unlikely friend and both become unlikely heroes brave fearful mobs under mass hysteria driven by the most despicable bad guy of the year!

The special effects, physical zombie-acting and stunts are on point. From the zombie deer (CGI; in the opening sequence) to the scores of World War Z-esque (2013) zombies flooding over surfaces like a twitchy deluge, the reanimated movement was perfect and unnerving.  They fall from the sky and off buildings, then scramble towards all life with their mouths slack-jawed and their dislocated limbs wildly flailing about.  The stunt men must’ve had fun with this, but also likely found challenges with the close-quarter train car combat (think Snowpiercer, but tighter like Oldboy).

Between the hyper-scrambly zombies climbing over each other like the spilled-over denizens of a kicked ant mound and the sniveling bad guy who would soullessly do anything to survive, I found myself feistily yelling at the screen about a dozen times.  This movie has its real emotional moments (especially getting heavy at the end), but it likewise has its fun thrills!

From cityscapes and train station chase scenes, to action sequences in train yards and wide angle convergences of zombie hordes, this film is gorgeously shot.  And what a gorgeous framework for a broad cast of likable characters (with even some of the minor roles being quite memorable).

I can’t sing its praises enough, but if you want even more reassuring please check out Mark’s 5 Reasons to watch this exciting approach to zombiism that’s fresher than the very flesh it infects.  It also made Mark’s 10 Best Horror films of 2016.

Now get up and go watch this movie!

MY CALL:  This is exactly the Indonesian fantasy/action B-movie Terminator honorarium you’ve been waiting for!  Enjoy.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Lady Terminator:  For more Indonesian action/fantasy madness try The Devil’s Sword (1984).

Before we start, I think it’s critical that you understand just how classy this film is.  Because director H. Tjut Djalil (as Jalil Jackson; Mystics in Bali, Dangerous Seductress, Satan’s Bed) knows how to keep things classy.  Just listen to this IMDB synopsis: “The spirit of an ancient evil queen possesses the body of a young anthropology student, who then goes on a murderous rampage.”

Just to prove he means classy business, Djalil opens the film with a tastefully clothes-on sex scene culminating in the man dying because…well…something flesh-rending was evidently going on “down there” in her nether regions.  I’m reminded of movies like Teeth (2007), Evil Clutch (1988) and The Night of Something Strange (2016)…only this little Indonesian fantasy/Sci-Fi/action film turns out to be much more complicated. You see, her next lover “defeats” her by removing an eel from her—you know—which was evidently eating the penises of her past lovers in coitus.  He then magically turns her crotch eel into a dagger (don’t ask how, he just does it like he had been doing it for years) and she is furious about it!  So, she curses him: “In 100 years I’ll have my revenge on your great-granddaughter!”

Not much of a curse is it?  It seems to me that when you curse the descendant of a descendant of a descendant of the person who wronged you, the cursed person won’t live to see it. Not a significant punishment at all, if you ask me.  So, to prepare herself for this curse she wanders into the sea to join other evil forces or something.  Perhaps if I was more educated on Indonesian mythology, this all would have made perfect sense.

100 years later Tania (Barbara Anne Constable) finds a creepy book on the Southern Sea Queen from a creepy man in a library with a creepy taxidermy display.  She informs us of her credibility with such lines as “I’m not a lady. I’m an anthropologist.” During a routine anthropological scuba-diving expedition she is teleported to an unreasonably large bed and raped by an eel, resulting in her apparent possession. Things typically don’t go well for anthropologists in horror films (e.g., Cannibal Holocaust, The Serpent and the Rainbow) do they?

Based on the ensuing events, this film clearly becomes a cautionary tale for those who would engage in unprotected anonymous sex with strangers in the 80s.  Tania emerges from the water and does her best nude T-800 walk, even turning her head like Arnold and stiffly strolling around naked until she meets some local punks and “sexes them to death” with her intrauterine eel—FYI, that part was not stolen from Terminator.

It’s as campy as it gets. We see a lot of boobs, the blood spurts are silly, and she steals a punk’s leather jacket (just like Arnie).  Now she just needs to find Sarah Conner…errrr…that long dead cursed guy’s great-granddaughter.

I’m sure we’ve firmly established the badness of this film, but here are some additional ways we know this is a bad movie:

1. During an improvised gynecological exam, a man pulls an eel from a vagina and is, in no way, shocked.
2. With no disclaimed wizardry schooling, he straightens that eel into a dagger!
3. This film was based on the Indonesian legend/Goddess The Queen of the Southern Sea. If Terminator was also based on this, I had no idea.
4. The star actress also received top billing for make-up. Two pay checks, girl!
5. This film was also released as Nasty Hunter. Nasty Hunter = CLASSY!
6. Intrauterine eel rape and eel penis-eating.
7. Topless telekinetic mediation sessions in a sleazy hotel.
   
8. Apparently simply shooting a car in an 80s B-movie results in an explosion!
9. When killing men with sex just won’t do, Tania-nator gets an automatic weapon and shoots like 10 guys in the dick just like Kung Fury’s Triceracop!
   
10. She cuts out her eyeball with a pen knife…just to wash it off!
11. Eye lasers. She shoots laser beams from her eyes!
    
12. Oh, right! A woman kills men by having sex with them…to death!

This films begins about as original as they come, but then steers right into a Terminator copycat with a skewed premise.  Warlock (1989) was also a Terminator (1984) rip-off, although a bit less overtly so.  But you know what?  I’d highly recommend this to any B-movie fan, and this is clearly on the high end of B-movie quality.

All the way to the dumbly-dialogued action-packed finale, this movie tries really hard to give you a lot. A lot of nudity, a lot of bullets, a lot of eel bites to the dick, and a lot of zany nonsense.  This is a B-movie cult favorite for a reason.

With the release of The Fate of the Furious (2017), I felt the need to back up and appreciate that brought The Rock and high-caliber villains to the franchise…

MY CALL:  Hands down my favorite of the franchise (of parts 1-5).  This is the most fun, has the coolest plot and produces the most engaging antagonists.  High octane testosterone fun for movie-goers who like high speed chases, sweaty biceps, explosions and brawling.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Fast Five:  Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) for one. Of course, there are also a lot of other Fast and Furious films.  Personally, after the original (for the sake of historical franchise significance), I’d only recommend this fifth installment (for a second opinion check out Mark’s review of Fast Five), Fast and Furious 6 (2013) and Furious 7 (2015). However, Mark ranked the films quite differently than I did—Ranking Fast and Furious 1-6—and he’d suggest his favorite to be 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003). For yet more Fast and Furious opinions be sure to check out our Podcast on Corona, Belgian Beer, BBQ and the Fast and Furious films and Paul Walker’s 7 Best Fast and Furious Moments.

In this fifth installment in the Fast and Furious (2001-2017) franchise, we find our favorite characters in Brazil laying low from the American eyes of Johnny Law…but still jacking cars!  Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel; The Last Witch Hunter, Guardians of the Galaxy, Riddick) continues to choose bare biceps over sleeves, Brian (Paul Walker; Brick Mansions, Hours, Into the Blue) and Mia (Jordana Brewster; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Chuck, Dallas) are still an item and as close as ever, and director Justin Lin (Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious, Fast and Furious 6, Star Trek Beyond)—who helmed parts 3-6 in this worldwide franchise sensation—has become more ambitious with stunts.  God bless him for that!  We have flipping shredded prison buses, high speed plasma-cutting train heists, rocket launchers, exploding poop-launching toilets, and high speed vault dragging!

The fight choreography is getting more interesting (with each sequel), everyone has become a better martial artist, the explosions are bigger and more frequent, and cars continue to function unphased after devastating landings and hits. The action has truly been turned up to an “11” in this sequel and, after the youthful thrill of the 2001 original (I saw when I was 20 years old), this is, by far, the most entertaining and my favorite of the franchise…so far.

This film is like high octane testosterone.  There’s a lot of flexed-arm finger-pointing, flexed arm-crossing, very few shirts with sleeves, lots of yelling, lots of hard crazy-eyed stare downs, lots of large bald men in sweat-soaked overly snug shirts, and a lot of shiny biceps.  It has a lot in common with The Expendables (2010-2014) movies in that respect, only much better.

From the moment Agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson; Pain and Gain, Ballers, G I Joe: Retaliation) busts on the scene every gym bro is reminded of why he’s their man-crush.  He’s all business, he’s a straight up killing machine and…well, it’s The Rock!  And whereas we meet Hobbs as an antagonist, we also have our “real villain” Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida; Desperado), a man of the people who spins anecdotes about why Portuguese is spoken in Brazil.  He’s exactly the refined villain you like, hate, like to hate, and want to see taken down.

Whether it’s Ocean’s Eleven (2001) or Mission: Impossible (1996), ever notice how in every movie it’s always “one last job” and then they’ll retire, it’s always against the biggest baddest opponent they can find (like the crime lord who runs Rio), and they always need to “assemble a team?”

Well, a motley crew they do assemble.  They have big engines, bigger biceps, big stakes ($100 million), and the biggest team cast in the franchise so far!  They meet, greet, hug and smile as we see new friends and old friends reunite.  After Brian, Mia and Dom, there’s the long and mysterious Gisele (Gal Gadot; Fast and Furious, Dawn of Justice: Batman vs Superman, Wonder Woman), the calm and cool Han (Sung Kang; Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious, Ninja Assassin, Bullet to the Head), mouth-running Roman (Tyrese Gibson; Legion, Transformers 1-3, 2 Fast 2 Furious), tech whiz Tej (Chris Ludacris Bridges; Crash, Hustle and Flow, Gamer, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and rap performing artist), Santos (Don Omar; Fast and Furious, and performer responsible for Danza Kuduro) and Leo (Tego Calderon; Fast and Furious, Illegal Tender, and rap performing artist).  Maybe some of you thought Roman and Tej were funny characters, but Leo and Santos are show-stealing hilarious.  Nine in total, and complemented by Hobbs and Reyes.  That’s 11 stars in a “part 5” movie!

Our characters’ exploits are scored by an outstandingly energized soundtrack.  The foot chase scene is solid, filmed with numerous wide angle shots capturing the gorgeous cityscape of Rio’s rooftops.  Probably the best camerawork among the first five Fast and Furious movies.  We are also wowed by one of my favorite movie fight scenes (excluding martial arts movies).  When Hobbs and Dom go at it, it’s like two rabid junkyard dogs on steroids.  They hits are hard, frequent, and I question how many bruises the actors left the set with at the end of the day (of course, the stunt doubles had it much worse).  There weren’t enough windows and plaster walls in that entire warehouse for them to smash or throw each other through. This was a grappling, tackling, face-punch frenzy. My only gripe is that The Rock didn’t win. Not Hobbs, mind you…but The Rock.  Later, seeing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson limp is like going to SeaWorld to see a water show starring a killer whale with a captivity-rendered limp dorsal fin.  It’s just not right. LOL.

Then there was the vault chase scene…STUPENDOUS! At every turn we find so much property damage as they swing that vault across the road in their wake through crinkled cars and mangled buildings.  Oh, and they were wholesale MURDERING cop cars, smashing up more vehicles than a Bad Boys Michael Bay flick.

Winding down after their victory and reminding us that they’re all one big criminal family, is that we have such a happy conclusion.  Much like the Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-2003) we have a bunch of endings, only these are much more succinctly handled and won’t bore audiences.  Brian and Mia got a beach house to raise their child, Tej and Roman jockey for “best car in the hemisphere,” Han and Gisele go honeymooning on the autobahn, and Santas and Leo do playfully dumb things with their money in casinos…it’s all very nice.  You’ll leave this movie happy.

So go see it (again), be thrilled, and be happy.

MY CALL:  This indie horror film performs wonders with a small budget, honors your favorite concepts of 80s horror and practical effects, and honors Clive Barker, John Carpenter and H. P. Lovecraft to end.  MORE MOVIES LIKE The Void:  The Thing (1982), the prequel/remake of The Thing (2011), Harbinger Down (2015)…but also The Fly (1986), Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988).  I’d focus more on the four 80s suggestions, even if you’re young and think “older horror” isn’t your style.

I’ve been waiting for this film for a loooong time—ever since I wrote Trailer Talk: The Void, an unfinished Lovecraftian horror labor of love that needs your help.

Small town sheriff Daniel (Aaron Poole; The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh) brings an apparently drunk, injured man to a hospital.  Preparing to relocate, the hospital is running on bare essential supplies and minimal staff including Dr. Powell (Kenneth Welsh; The Exorcism of Emily Rose, TimeCop, Of Unknown Origin), nurse Allison (Kathleen Munroe; Alphas) and trainee nurse Kim (Ellen Wong; Silent Night).

Shortly after admitting the patient things get weird…fast!  A nurse kills a patient and mutilates herself, the phones and even police radio go out, murderous cultists surround the hospital, the electricity goes out, and you know the Lovecraftian sh** has hit the fan when patient zero has bloody whipping tentacles emerging from his face!

The dialogue is really just passable with equally unimpressive writing (but a great premise), but I’m going to call this a great horror film anyway!  Written and directed by Steven Kostanski (Manborg, The ABCs of Death 2 segment W is for Wish) and Jeremy Gillespie (Father’s Day)—two men reared on the creative and effects side of the camera—I am dying to see what they can do with a little more experience (now under their belt) and a bigger budget on their next project. And there better be a next project because, and I think I speak for all of us, we want more of this!  Why?  Because the effects were OUTSTANDING!!!!! Their premise was also a story I’d like to see further developed—but I can’t explain that without huge spoilers.

We graduate from some flailing face tentacles to a hulking, disfigured amalgam of human body parts and tentacles.  It’s all practical effects and it’s all glorious.  Even if clearly birthed from a humble budget, this is exactly what gorehounds want!  When the creature kills, it pumps its tentacles down its victims’ eye sockets and other orifices so as to absorb more helpless cadaver into the monster’s mass.  A head even emerges tearing its way out of the mutated body—much as The Thing (1982)—and we see lifeless, shambling mounds of reanimated undead flesh with melted mozzarella-gooiness.

The violence and gore includes loads of blood, wounds and flesh rending.  There’s even something of a metamorphosis through a messy birth scene.  But far more gratifying than the slimy masses of tentacles that await is the 80s homage to practical effects and iconic horror influences worn on its sleeve.  Not just the conceptual aspects of Lovecraft’s madness or Clive Barker’s Labyrinth (here the Abyss) and even a touch of Evil Dead (1981), but we find special effects honoraria to The Fly (1986), Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)!

This film offers a lot…but it may not be what you expected.  If you want to see something that will unnerve you and frequently make you jump—watch Life (2017).  Want something with a slower tension built up through an atmosphere of uncomfortable mystery and dread?  That’s The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016).  No…this…this atmosphere is pure weird unsease…and it’s gross!  As I hinted before on the writing, this is a passable movie…but a passable movie with outstanding special effects and an excellent premise that honors (not rips-off, but honors) all the things we love and miss about 80s horror.  The ideas brought forth by these filmmakers are exceptional and I must see more projects spawned the Abyss.

MY CALL:  This sequel seems to mostly be about “more.” We have more of everything fans love down to more fights and chase scenes. I’ll always consider part 5 the best, but part 6 is sure to please any action movie fan.  MORE MOVIES LIKE Fast & Furious 6:  Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) for one. Of course, there are also a lot of other Fast and Furious films.  Personally, after the original (for the sake of historical franchise significance), I most strongly recommend Fast Five (2011; for a second opinion check out Mark’s review of Fast Five), followed by Furious 7 (2015), and this sixth installment (for a second opinion check out Mark’s review of Fast and Furious 6). However, Mark ranked the films quite differently than I did—Ranking Fast and Furious 1-6—and he’d suggest his favorite to be 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003). For yet more Fast and Furious opinions be sure to check out our Podcast on Corona, Belgian Beer, BBQ and the Fast and Furious films, A Closer Look at the Corona Drinking in The Fast and The Furious Franchise and Paul Walker’s 7 Best Fast and Furious Moments.

Fast Five (2011) took the typical sequel path of “going global” and taking us to Brazil.  But evidently a single venue change just isn’t enough.  Now we find scenes speckled all over the globe: a crime scene in Moscow, Brian in Spain’s Canary Islands, Han and Gisele in Hong Kong, and now the crew is summoned to meet in London.

Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson; Pain and Gain, Ballers, G I Joe: Retaliation) has even greater anger management issues than in Fast Five (2011) and I couldn’t be happier about it.  I guess it’s a bit comical when, during an interrogation scene, he tosses a pretty large dude up into the ceiling and across the room into the wall.  But The Rock is such a physically tremendous person with such a bigger-than-life persona that, you know what, I’m just gonna’ give him a pass and enjoy it.

So, at the end of Fast Five (2011) Hobbs said, “I’ll see you soon.”  And here he is knocking on Dom’s door asking for some big time favors in exchange for full pardons for his crew.  What’s the deal?  Dom’s crew of international criminals need to help Hobbs catch yet another crew of international criminals that also has an affinity for highspeed precision cars.

The already huge cast of Fast Five (2011) grows yet stronger—like a ‘roided out bicep!  In fact, with some added muscle mass from preparing for Pain and Gain (2013), The Rock has also literally come into this sequel bigger than before!  We sadly lose the comic relief of Leo and Santos, but gain Riley (Gina Carano; Haywire, Deadpool)!  And for our new villain we have Shaw (Luke Evans; Dracula Untold, Beauty and the Beast, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies), who is far more methodical than Fast Five’s Reyes.

At 46 years old (in 2013), Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel; The Last Witch Hunter, Guardians of the Galaxy, Riddick) shows us that you’re never too old to wear a tight white tank top and continues to choose bare biceps over sleeves, Brian (Paul Walker; Brick Mansions, Hours, Into the Blue) and Mia (Jordana Brewster; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Chuck, Dallas) are starting a new family, Gisele (Gal Gadot; Fast and Furious, Dawn of Justice: Batman vs Superman, Wonder Woman), Han (Sung Kang; Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious, Ninja Assassin, Bullet to the Head), Roman (Tyrese Gibson; Legion, Transformers 1-3, 2 Fast 2 Furious), Tej (Chris Ludacris Bridges; Crash, Hustle and Flow, Gamer, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and rap performing artist) and Elsa (Elsa Pataky; Snakes on a Plane, Fast Five) return to round out our cast of heroes.  But, most importantly, everyone gets their moment to shine whether through humor or sentiment.

When we first meet Shaw he zooms from an exploding crime scene in an armored stock car aided by his accomplice Letty (Michelle Rodriguez; Resident Evil, Machete Kills, Avatar), who is actually alive and suffering from soap opera-levels of amnesia!  Shaw’s team is like the evil mirror image of our favorite drag-racing crew, down to the “white Hobbs” (Kim Kold; Star Trek Beyond, Deliver Us from Evil), wispy mysterious woman (Clara Paget; Black Sails), and Jah (Joe Taslim; The Raid: Redemption, Star Trek Beyond) among others.  This cast is humungous!

Director Justin Lin (Tokyo Drift, Fast and Furious, Fast Five, Star Trek Beyond) has brought us more than just a bigger cast, but bigger action.  Consistent with Fast Five (2011), our chase scenes are not only by car but on foot.  And one split-cut pair of chase scenes lead us to my favorite part of the movie: THE SUBWAY FIGHT.  Riley and Letty beat the ever-loving crap out of each other as if this was a UFC event while Han and Roman team up against Shaw’s wily martial artist Jah.  The fights trade scenes as the fighters trade brutal blows—I winced a few times.  The close-quarters combat choreography was excellent!  What I loved about these fights (unlike so many non-finale fight scenes in action flicks) is that no one is flawless here.  Everyone gets beaten up, and the winners scramble or limp away after being bombarded with drop-kicks, choke holds, arm bars and spin kicks.  These brawls honor the high standard set by Fast Five’s (2011) Dom-Hobbs fight, complete with rib-crunching tackles.  The fight scenes and action sequence in the finale is a blast as well.

The car-crashing, shoot’em up action is in high gear, teeny bikinis get their fair share of screen time, subtle jokes about “Samoan Thor,” a destructive high-speed tank scene, and a great soundtrack all complement this action movie favorite.  But don’t forget, it’s not just about the action.

Somehow even more than in Fast Five (2011), you’ll hear the word “family” every ten minutes just remind you that this all started with barbeques, Corona, and drag racing in the ghetto.  In fact, you’ll even see a grill in the first 15 minutes harkening back to Dom’s driveway get-togethers.  But we are far from the NO2 days of living life a quarter mile at a time. Now everyone’s a millionaire! Despite that wealth, Dom remains a romantic and his heart will always belong to Letty.

We end part six much as it all started 12 years prior with everyone sharing a barbeque, Coronas, and grace with family at the old 1327 Toretto house.  We also end exactly as part 5, “I’ll see you soon.”

MY CALL:  If Michael Bay and Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) had a baby and then exposed it to Godzilla-levels of Marvel’s Gamma radiation, you’d get this action movie.  I want to label this the most action-heavy action movie I’ve seen in years—it makes The Expendables movies feel slow and plotty. I had so much fun yelling and laughing at the screen!  MORE MOVIES LIKE The Fate of the Furious:  Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)—the only other recent film of remotely comparable levels of grand-scale action. Of course, there are also a lot of other Fast and Furious films.  Personally, after the original (for the sake of historical franchise significance), I most strongly recommend Fast Five (2011; best story and best brawl), Fast and Furious 6 (2015; best technical fight scenes), and Furious 7 (2015; most action galore). For yet more Fast and Furious opinions be sure to check out our Podcast on Corona, Belgian Beer, BBQ and the Fast and Furious films, A Closer Look at the Corona Drinking in The Fast and The Furious Franchise, Ranking Fast and Furious 1-6 and Paul Walker’s 7 Best Fast and Furious Moments.

This franchise has taken us across the globe. From Mexico (Fast and Furious), Tokyo (Tokyo Drift), Brazil (Fast Five), all over Europe (Fast and Furious 6), and even to the Middle East (Furious 7).  Every film faces Dom’s crew against bigger villains with larger-scale plans speckling massive explosions and property damage across the globe.  So, then, what can the franchise give us that we haven’t seen before, and that Dom’s crew hasn’t faced before?  The answer is Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel; The Last Witch Hunter, Guardians of the Galaxy, Riddick) himself!

After being double-crossed by Dom, Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson; Pain and Gain, Ballers, G I Joe: Retaliation) is imprisoned in an “ultra-maximum security” for crimes he didn’t commit and his only salvation is to take down Dom and his new cyber-terrorist extraordinaire boss, Cipher (Charlize Theron; Prometheus, Mad Max: Fury Road, Snow White and the Huntsman).  To do this, Hobbs is reluctantly forced to team up with fellow inmate and Furious 7’s villain Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham; The Expendables 1-3, Mechanic: Resurrection).

The Rock is a physically tremendous person with a larger-than-life personality. Yet Statham’s Shaw is so cheeky and menacing, we aren’t entirely convinced Hobbs would “beat him like a Cherokee drum” as he had threatened.  With the unreasonably insane resources of Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell; The Hateful Eight, Bone Tomahawk, Furious 7) and Dom’s crew, they get to work.

As usual, the crew brings back all of our favorite characters: Roman (Tyrese Gibson; Legion, Transformers 1-3, 2 Fast 2 Furious), Tej (Chris Ludacris Bridges; Gamer, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and rap performing artist), Elsa (Elsa Pataky; Snakes on a Plane, Fast Five), Letty (Michelle Rodriguez; Resident Evil, Machete Kills, Avatar), and hacker Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel; Game of Thrones, Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials, Fast and Furious 6).  We also find cameos by Leo and Santos, Shaw’s brother (Luke Evans; Fast and Furious 6’s villain), and even Helen Mirren (Trumbo, RED 2)!

Director F. Gary Gray (Straight Outta’ Compton, Law-Abiding Citizen) has taken a different approach than his predecessors.  Among franchise parts 5-8, The Fate of the Furious has by far the most plot holes, unexplained developments, and completely unrealistic character appearances. We also don’t enjoy the fun aspect of seeing the crew plan their heists, rescue missions and escapes. Instead of each of these things (which I do miss), we basically get more, more and even yet MORE action scenes than any Fast and Furious film has ever contained stitched together by vague explanations and hand-waiving as Mr. Nobody says “watch this…” and “here you go [pointing to 89 500hp cars in a warehouse or the most powerful surveillance device in the world].”  I’m not complaining, the action was earth-rattlingly awesome.

So much flavor breathes insane hilarious exhilarating life into this movie.  Shaw and Hobbs’ “I’m tougher than you” banter, the crazy combat prison break scene (packing some utterly brutal action for The Rock and Statham), Cuban street racing in reverse while on fire, the spectacular arctic ice-marauding submarine “chase” scene, a public service announcement regarding the dangers of self-driving cars, “Uncle” Shaw’s laughably awesome plane rescue-escape sequence, The Rock throwing a torpedo, perhaps more car crashes than I’ve ever seen in a single action movie, and so much more (truly there were so many action scenes) that I can’t even remember what else.

My one complaint about the action was that the technical combat choreography clearly received less attention and the action camerawork was overly choppy (often too close-up and way too many cuts to see what’s going on). However, despite my whining, I still LOVED the fight scenes (e.g., the prison break, submarine chase and the plane escape scenes).  As for the vehicular action scenes, WOW! If you thought the action was turned up to an “11” in parts 5-7, then now I guess we’re at a “12.”  Sure, the plot was lacking and the storytelling was weak (much like comparing The Mechanic to Mechanic: Resurrection or The Transporter to its sequels), but the action scenes here were longer and more frequent than in parts 5-7 while being every bit as grand-scale and elaborate.

These scenes could have been half as numerous and half as long and STILL this would have been a great action movie—but now it’s yet greater! We’re talking Michael Bay levels of destruction and explosions.  It may have fallen well into the deep end of physics-defiant absurdity (even compared to this already absurd franchise populated by cars with Wolverine’s Adamantium shocks and struts)… but I somehow just don’t care.  I loved it.  I can’t wait to see this again.

Beyond the fact that IMDB (Vin Diesel’s page) and movie media announcements confirm Fast and Furious films through a 9^th and 10^th installment (in 2019 and 2021; when Vin Diesel will be 54 years old), we end part 8 with the storyline wide open for a sequel for reasons that I obviously won’t spoil.

MY CALL:  This was excellent!  EXCELLENT!  Isolated, cautionary, atmospheric excellence.  MORE INDIE REVIEWS (solicited reviews):  Here at MFF we occasionally do horror short film and pre-release indie film reviews on request. Among recent solicited promotions are Order of the Ram (2013; short film), Love in the Time of Monsters (2014; feature length), Interior (2014; feature length), Smothered (2014; feature length), In the Dark (2015; feature length), Trailer Talk: The Void, The Void (2016; feature length), TRAILER TALK: Blood Money, Short Film Buzz: Burn (2016; press release), Brother (2016; short film), the indie techno-horror Other Halves (2016; feature length), Short Film Buzz: Kickstarter Campaign for Scythe (2016; press release), Scythe (2016; short film), and Shallow Waters (2017; short film).

Disclaimer: This review was solicited by the filmmakers and/or producers who provided privileged access to the film. However, my opinion remains unbiased as I was neither hired nor paid to produce this critical review, nor do I have an investment stake in the film.

Not gonna’ lie—I really like the movie poster and tagline.  Posters and taglines are meant to hook us and can misrepresent the film’s actual content.  But I’m intrigued nonetheless…and, it turns out, this film delivers all you could have wanted.

IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6636968/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2
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Twitter: @4leaguesmedia & @greendragondan

At but a brief 12 minutes, I was captivated in minute one!  [I wrote 400 words of this review after only seeing the first minute].  Some excellent shots, even if not necessarily of “innovative” style.  But that’s not always the point, nor would flare be in this film’s style.  Consistently thoughtful, well-practiced and technically sound shots leave us at the mercy of the film’s atmosphere.  The camera lingers on a boy’s weathered face…we are taken aback by the circumstances of his existence as his mother’s harrowing voice plays on a cassette-tape recording narrating the “rules” by which the abandoned blind boy lives, tethered to a weary wooden shelter surrounded by bells and animal traps.

The acting and camerawork were exemplary; the editing…perfect, abrupt, uneasing.  The film opened powerful intrigue overlaying melancholy, with the rigid remoteness and fable-like rules beckoning memories of the finer qualities of The Village (2004), the tip-toeing isolation in The Witch (2016) or the opening shots in The Hallow (2015). The finer moments of the sound editing/mixing (e.g., the rabbit scene) really dropped me deep down the abyssal mystique of this dark woodland fantasy that all viewers, by now, fear will be a cautionary tale of dire consequence.

After you watch the entire film, rewind to this part.  0:44-0:58 (i.e., “the 1st rule”) were 14 of the best seconds of editing I’ve seen this year.  It reminded me of the pub/pint pouring excellence (the brief, quick-cut montage) of Shaun of the Dead, only harrowing!

Complete newcomers to film, the actors playing the boy (Jared Cook) and voicing the mother’s recording (Grace Mumm; whom we never see) were both outstanding.  Jared carries no lines of dialogue (well, one word, off-screen), so part of me might question his ability to carry lines. But his taciturn intensity radiates merit.  Lines or not, he acted the shit outta’ this role and Grace Munn, as his mother’s voice…again, perfect.  These two were perfect and they roped me along into their dark journey.

But what lies beyond the rope’s length?

A man appreciative of nuance, director Daniel Robinette (Samca, Drawn to Fear, The Time Will Come) breeds mood and mystery into this fantastic film—especially in those first two minutes.  He’s generated all I need to support whatever he next pursues.  Solomon’s desperation is as tattered as his clothing, and his soul-broken longing noted each time he pushes “rewind” on his mother’s departing message.

MY CALL: This trashy movie aims for discomfort, awkward hilarity and excessive disgust. If you like that, then you should like this.  MOVIES LIKE The Greasy Strangler: Movies like Street Trash (1987), Class of Nuke’em High (1986), Mutant Hunt (1987) and The Toxic Avenger (1984) come to mind. Perhaps even Manborg (2011), Turbo Kid (2015), Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991) and Kung Fury (2015).

Director Jim Hosking’s (The ABCs of Death 2 segment G is for Grandad) film is weird AF, socially awkward AF, perverted AF and gross AF. It’s important to be in the right frame of mind before venturing such deliberate filth.  The social awkwardness blares in the opening scenes during a strange (almost stale) childish exchange between father and son. It smacks of a hard-R Napoleon Dynamite (2004). The gross-out factor also tiptoes the unease of The Human Centipede (2009), except that it makes Centipede feel more mainstream while sparing us any “realistic” situations or gore.

Father and son team, Ronnie (Michael St. Michaels; The Video Dead, Another) and Breyden (Sky Elobar; Son of Zorn), share the family business. During their “walking” disco tours they lead dumbfounded tourists to mundane locations while citing stupid facts about 70s music icons.  These scenes seethe idiocy.

There’s an alarmingly heated debate over “free drinks” and, while drunkenly entertaining, this scene appropriately forecasts the bombarding lunacy to come. This belabored exchange is one of many that will induce uncomfortable “marijuana giggles.”  It’s actually painfully shocking how many times the characters repeat essentially the same inanely argumentative lines—as if to nail an awkward joke, kick a dead horse until viewers are impatiently confused or uncomfortable, and then keep kicking that horse carcass until it’s perhaps funny again.  At this point, films like Idiocracy (2006) may come to mind.  But Idiocracy (2006) was far more intelligible and way less perverse.  You know that extremely uncomfortable feeling you may have when you oversee something disturbing like a severely mentally disturbed person dry-humping a hand-rail or pooping, pants down, in the front lawn…and you just want to NOT be there?  Yeah, a lot of the scenes are like that.

Our source of conflict is discovered when a young woman attends Breyden and Ronnie’s historical disco tour. Breyden is smitten, whereas Ronnie is awash with skepticism, fear of abandonment and jealousy.

The title may suggest this to be more of a slasher/killer flick, but such concepts take a back seat to the strange father-son-love relationship. This is more of a psychologically abusive, perverted love story. The gore was limited to a few scenes and, despite an obviously low budget, included playfully rendered imploding face punches and cheap “choking until their eyes (literally) pop out” scenes. These effects are super cheap, but solidly amusing in their deliberate silliness.

This movie may not feature much gore or sex, but it remains quite graphic. We endure lots of wrinkly old man butt, old man banana hammock, chubby men in skibbies, ding dong dangling, windblown (fake) old man weenis in the numerous “car wash” scenes, and full frontal (fake) nudity. It’s hard to explain, but all of these elements are pushed to weirdly excessive limits.  For example, whereas full frontal nudity or sex scenes may make you uncomfortable watching a movie in certain company (e.g., your parents, kids or spouse), “this” full frontal nudity and “this” sex scene made me uncomfortable even though I was watching alone and free of judgment. Giant fake pubic wigs are just plain weird, especially when worn while having deadpan-straight-faced conversations about a father-son love triangle spewing dialogue fit for a 2^nd grade reading level.  Good Lord, this is weird. LOL.  Let’s not even get into the “food” scenes…which were frequent and strangely disgusting on their own.

This film is for people who love weird, raunchy and perhaps somewhat exploitative films. I often felt as if every seen was specifically designed to incite discomfort and awkward giggles, and it does so obnoxiously. But despite this, I just shook my head, smiled and somehow enjoyed it.  I enjoy a lot of weird, “extreme” cinema.

Some may find the lunacy of this film to be a rather novel flavor, others may simply find it exhausting after a while. I believe where you fall on this spectrum will depend as much on your taste as it does your expectations and mood when viewing something like this.  Loads of “fake penis” scenes and rerunning the same retarded gag over and over can take its toll on someone who isn’t in an adventurous mood when hitting the “play” button on this. Contrastingly, some people might be looking for exactly this kind of hilarious ridicule.

MY CALL: This is pretty straightforward. It’s an unsubtle, action-driven, found footage film about some vacationers who stumble across bigfoot in the woods.  MOVIES LIKE Exists: I’d actually favor Willow Creek (2013; podcast discussion) when considering found footage or bigfoot films, and it does a better job of both. Unless, you want excitement, that is. Exists delivers constant excitement with empty characters whereas Willow Creek is a character-driven super-slow burn.  For more folklore horror I’d direct you to Thale (2012), Krampus (2015; podcast discussion), Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010), Trollhunter (2010; podcast discussion), The Hallow (2015; podcast discussion), Killer Mermaid (2014) and Leprechaun Origins (2014).

Almost as soon as we push “play” things start getting weird for our protagonists after hitting “an animal of some sort” on their way to a cabin in east Texas.  This film wastes absolutely no time (or tact) with subtlety.  Just minutes deeper and we don’t just hear its howls, but we make frequent blurry sasquatch sightings.

Despite the abundant evidence of a sasquatch (or several?), this film starts out feeling rather boring.  The characters aren’t interesting, the shaky shots of bigfoot aren’t really impressive (or effective), and I just don’t find myself caring about anything going on here.

One bearded vacationer, rather certain from the start of a cryptozoological presence, remains ever prepared, filming everything in hopes of capturing evidence of this large-extremitied hominid.  Meanwhile, everyone else doesn’t care or believe—they just want to have a good time.

As things escalate in our opening act (i.e., the first 30-35 min) weak jump scares follow up lame pranks or party shenanigans, and the unsatisfying “action” is so abundant that no actual event ever really matters.

But hold on…is this film about to take a turn for the better?

Reminiscent of Ash’s twisted bridge marooning (Evil Dead 2), our bigfoot sabotages our survivors’ only way out—harpooning their car with a small tree.

Bigfoot straight up Jason-Bourne-sprints through the woods in the most satisfying scene of the film so far!  Later he gets a hold of one of the girls and it’s aggressively exciting and brutal, even if shaky and goreless, as he slams her ragdoll body around like Hulk whipping Loki.  But what’s important to note here is that I think I’m beginning to forgive the boring first 30 minutes of this movie.  After that stupid first act, this really picks up and becomes something fun!  I’m not going out of my way to recommend this, but I must admit this ended up feeling quite worthwhile.

This film toes the line between horror and Tremors (1990).  It’s not nearly as funny (nor does it try quite that hard for comedy), but it relies more on raw physicality than actual scares, terror or tension.  Things started out a bit dodgy and the characters were all weak, but director Eduardo Sanchez (The Blair Witch Project) pulled off an entertaining experience mixing feistiness and intensity.