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John’s Horror Corner: House of 1000 Corpses (2003), Rob Zombie’s sick experiment in extreme cinema.

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MY CALL: This felt like a sick kid’s slapstick torture film and back when this came out I really wasn’t so excited to see what Rob Zombie would do next. Not necessarily original or clever, I view this first film to be his experiment in filmmaking. I may not have been impressed (at the time), but I’ll still call this experiment a victory and I imagine this hard-R horror and its popularity helped transform the genre as we know it today.
MORE MOVIES LIKE House of 1000 Corpses: The Devil’s Rejects (2005) for more but better of the same. Lords of Salem (2013) for a major change in pace and artistic approach.

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Written/directed by Rob Zombie (Lords of Salem, Halloween), this modernly spun 1970s throwback immediately lets you know what you’re getting into–and it’s really SOMETHING! It’s gory, in-your-face, brutal, macabre, schlocky and offensive as a gas station hold-up goes horribly awry for two bumbling criminals who are gleefully resisted by the evil clown-faced Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig; Creature, Galaxy of Terror). But this film’s greatest impact was not on the audience, but the genre itself. Dare I be the hater to say I wasn’t at all impressed with this film on its own. But far be it from me to deny how this film (among others like Wrong Turn and the TCM remake; also 2003 releases) reintroduced brutality and gore back into mainstream studio-release horror after a over a decade of soft-R and PG-13 theatrical releases. Take my word for it, the 90s weren’t awesome for fans of hard-to-watch horror. And there was almost nothing so schlocky gracing screens backed by a studio!

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A group of four friends (including Rainn Wilson; Cooties) stop by Captain Spaulding’s monster museum, go on his Murder Ride, and pick up a hitchhiker (Sheri Moon Zombie; Lords of Salem, Halloween) who wastes no time in luring one of them away from the others to her home after they get a flat tire. By the way, Rob Zombie is clearly very proud of Sheri Moon’s body (and I think so is she, and rightfully so)–a trend you’ll observe in all his movies along with her comfort with nudity and scant wardrobe.

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The gigantic, mask-wearing, mute and shy Tiny (Matthew McGrory; Big Fish) and the scraggly, stringy-haired Otis (Bill Moseley; The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, House) are clear reflections of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (parts 1-2) family and a shallow gene pool. Rounding out the crazy family of murderers is a sultry mother and a loud mouth grandfather.

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For his first feature-length film Rob Zombie does well, but still displays some beginner-level editing and camerawork that we see more honed in his subsequent movies. The same can be said for the somewhat crass writing (typical of direct-to-DVD movies starring Clint Howard) and Sheri Moon’s acting. I’m not trying to be mean, but all of these components seem far more developed in his more recent work. But, then again, this is a deliberate schlocky throwback.

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The choppy editing offers visions of malevolence, necrophilia, torture and nudity. These scenes are meant to create a twisted flavor, but the celluloid scenes also unevenly break the pacing. Flayed bodies, masks and suits of human skin, and general evil-doing may impress some viewers. But to me this is a beginner’s take on extreme horror. It had no sense of story and became more over-the-top with each subsequent scene, culminating in a most unreasonably elaborate finale in a mineshaft lair of pseudozombie ghouls, Dr. Satan’s lobotomized human experiments, and a mutant barbarian that leads us to an ending that, again, smacks of a lovechild between an R-rated acid trippy videogame and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I thought it was silly (and maybe I enjoyed it a little), but this was something horror-goers weren’t getting elsewhere, perhaps making it the hot commodity of its time.

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The violence is campy and unconvincing by current standards (again, this is schock cinema, though). This film has a reputation for brutality, but well-seasoned horror fans probably won’t see it that way today. Some may find the macabre humor, evil laughter and odd score to be more than a bit disconcerting–but I was not so affected. This felt like a sick kid’s slapstick torture film and back when this came out I was honestly not so excited to see what Rob Zombie would do next. It wasn’t original or clever and it offered little more than to demonstrate that Rob Zombie knew his way around the features on his camera. To that end, we see him trying (and learning) about alternative lighting schemes and filters (very music video-ish actually). Although it didn’t really fit well here in my opinion. I guess it was fun at times, and it’s lunacy lends itself well to drinking games. No scares to be found (nor were there meant to be), but a constant flow of bloody evil craziness.

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Today, by the way, my opinion on Rob Zombie has changed dramatically as he has matured as a filmmaker. I’m actually quite excited to see 31 and Halloween 3…and everything else he does. I view this first film to be his experiment in schlocky filmmaking that paved the way for heavier R-rated horror. I may not have been too impressed upon its release, but I’ll still call this experiment a solid victory.

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John’s Horror Corner: Leprechaun: Origins (2014), the story of a carnivorous Irish monster that made me miss Warwick Davis.

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MY CALL: Despite some clear efforts, this movie was largely disappointing. Sure, I was entertained…but I’m not sure my entertainment outweighed how annoying it was at times. The best part of this movie is the Irish accents. I don’t recommend this…not even as a fun B-movie. I miss Warwick Davis. MORE MOVIES LIKE Leprechaun: Origins: Want a fun B-movie with a leprechaun? Then go back and watch Leprechaun (1993). It’s bad…but it’s a delight!

Let’s engage in a thought exercise. Imagine victims being hunted by velociraptors in a field of tall grass. Looks pretty cool, doesn’t it? But now, take away all the special effects and great shots. Not as cool, is it? This is essentially how this WWE movie begins…with a weak chase scene. Presumably, this is how the story will end for our protagonists.

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Four American 20-somethings backpacking through Ireland stop in a random countryside village pub where they meet a friendly local (Garry Chalk; The Fly II, Freddy vs Jason) who gets them excited to see The Stones of the Gods, ancient stones that have been in place for centuries. Sophie (Stephanie Bennett; Grave Encounters 2), Ben (Andrew Dunbar; SGU), Jeni (Melissa Roxburgh; Sorority Murder) and David (Brendan Fletcher; The Revenant, Ginger Snaps 2-3, Freddy vs Jason) are excited for adventure and accept an invitation to stay the night in the local’s cabin. Just one problem, this quaint Irish has a secret.

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It turns out these tourists were simply lured into serving as an offering to a carnivorous leprechaun. Evidently, the townspeople once stole the leprechaun’s gold and in order to appease this creature of Irish myth, they must periodically offer it human sacrifices…basically like King Kong. I think the leprechaun likes earthy seasonings, because it loves dragging its victims. We must see about four completely gratuitous horror drags.

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The gore starts out slow, but then builds up a bit in the last 30 minutes. At first we never see things happen (e.g., lacerations and impalements), instead only seeing the gruesome aftermath. But later we get to enjoy an axe to the head and a spinal cord rip. So one can’t say this movie didn’t make an effort.

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Similarly, we never seem to see the monstrous leprechauns until the end. Before that we only ever see the beast blurred out of focus, which is really frustrating. Upon finally seeing the leprechaun I wasn’t thrilled. It looks like a demonic chimpanzee burn victim–almost like the miniature demons from The Gate (1987). Maybe that’s why it fears fire and light–a weakness that was entirely under-utilized.

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But more importantly, the Irish monster gets plenty of screen time whether you love or hate it’s malformed face. In fact, this monster more closely resembles a chupacabra or one of the albino cave dwellers from The Descent (2005) than a leprechaun.

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This may have been intended as a Leprechaun (1993) reboot, but it did no such thing. If they didn’t “tell you” this monster was a leprechaun, you’d never know it. You’d just think it was a naked goblin of sorts.

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Despite some aforementioned efforts, this movie was largely disappointing. Sure, I was entertained…but I’m not sure my entertainment outweighed how annoying it was at times. The best part about this movie, other than a hilarious axe-to-the-face scene, is the Irish accents. I don’t recommend this…not even as a fun B-movie. There’s too much else out there.

I miss Warwick Davis.

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John’s Horror Corner: Deadtime Stories (1986), a wonderfully campy horror anthology with diverse effects and dark fairy tales.

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MY CALL: Excepting the middle story, I really love this horror anthology. I loved it as a kid in the early 90s and I still love it today. It’s an excellent, cheap B-movie with fun short stories of dark fairy tales. The budget is low but the effects are diverse and the music was surprisingly interesting. MORE MOVIES LIKE Deadtime Stories: Hellraiser (1987) and Wolfcop (2014) offer better iterations of the first two short stories herein. Otherwise, try more horror anthology movies.

OTHER HORROR ANTHOLOGIESBlack Sabbath (1963), Tales from the Crypt (1972), The Vault of Horror (1973), The Uncanny (1977), Creepshow (1982), Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983), Stephen King’s Cat’s Eye (1985), Creepshow 2 (1987), Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990), Necronomicon: Book of the Dead (1993), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Campfire Tales (1997), 3 Extremes (2004), Trick ‘r Treat (2007), Chillerama (2011), Little Deaths (2011), V/H/S (2012), The Theater Bizarre (2012), The ABCs of Death (2013), V/H/S 2 (2013), The Profane Exhibit (2013), The ABCs of Death 2 (2014), V/H/S Viral (2014) and A Christmas Horror Story (2015).

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Also released as Freaky Fairy Tales, this clearly low budget film begins with a playful whimsy as the opening credits are presented as pages in an ancient storybook being turned by progressively more monstrous hands–it’s cute but it relates to nothing else in the movie. The wraparound story is quite simple: an uncle telling his nephew a series of bedtime horror stories to waylay his fears of a monster hiding in his bedroom.

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The first story is about a young boy and the witch sisters he serves. They intend to resurrect their long dead sister (another witch). This dark fairy tale is surprisingly loaded with fun special effects. They use illusions to seduce a priest and make his disembodied hand crawl asunder from his arm. They then remove the heart from the corpse of their long dead sister, apply a magical potion to restart its beating, and return it to her chest cavity. What follows is a gross, slimy, stop-motion display as tendrils of nerves and sinew emerge from the heart and envelop the skeleton in a crust of cadaverous filth, from which their sister would then emerge. The effects, however low the budget may be, had me squealing in delight as it reminded me of the Hellraiser (1987) transformation scene.

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Later, her disembodied heart would literally attack the servant boy like a facehugger organ-octopus! Which reminded me of the zombified guts in Dead-Alive (1992). I vaguely remember these two grotesque scenes from when I rented this over 20 years ago! It’s delightful!

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This trailer has glimpses of both these scenes that I love.
The transformation (in two separate parts of the clip) and the face-attacking organ.

The second tale is a werewolf version of Little Red Riding Hood and, because our story teller is a bit of a dirty uncle, our Riding Hood heroine (Nicole Picard; Ghoulies III) is a bit on the sultry side. This horror short is rather disappointing and revolves around a werewolf (Matt Mitler; Breeders, Basket Case 2) getting his prescription mixed up with grandma’s at the pharmacy. When he stops by her house to retrieve it, he wolfs out and blows her house down. It’s silly, stupid and barely entertaining. But if you enjoyed it at all I’d recommend you follow it up with Wolfcop (2014). Watch out for the goofy closing line “Grandma, what big teeth you have!”

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Our third story is about Goldi Lox (Cathryn de Prume) and the three bears. Only here our Goldi is an insane psychic/telekinetic murderer who collects the bodies of her would-be suitors in a murder house and our “bears” are the Baer family, the poppa and baby of which were recently broken out of the “Home for the Hopelessly Insane” by Momma Baer (Melissa Leo; Oblivion, Olympus Has Fallen). This one is just plain zany and mixes the macabre with the trickery of Bewitched.

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With each subsequent story, the tone goes from moderately serious, to silly, to slapstick. The writing, editing and acting are consistently horrible (yes, even Melissa Leo) and the campiness also increases later in the movie, culminating in Goldi’s gratuitous nudity-showcasing shower scene.

Excepting the middle story, I really love this horror anthology. I loved it as a kid in the early 90s and I still love it today. It’s an excellent, cheap B-movie with fun short stories of dark fairy tales.

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John’s Horror Corner: The Purge: Anarchy (2014), basically proving that Frank Grillo can even be a successful badass in a terrible sequel.

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MY CALL:
The Purge (2013) was perfection. I like what DeMonaco was “trying” to do with this sequel, but he missed the target this time–which is especially shocking when considering his mastery in capturing the atmosphere of the first. As such, I’d advise you to watch Anarchy if you’re a Frank Grillo fan more than if you’re a Purge fan. This really wasn’t a terrible movie–just not at all a good one. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Purge: Anarchy: Well you’ve got to see the original The Purge (2013). In fact, maybe just watch part 1 twice…in a row…then skip part 2 and go see part 3.

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With the Purge eliminating poverty and unemployment (presumably by “deleting” undesirables), the United States is a wonderful place in 2023. A wonderful place because of the inner demons cleansed by 12 murderous hours once a year.

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Writer/director James DeMonaco (The Purge, The Purge: Election Year) tries to impress us by re-introducing us to the Purge, its supporters and vocal resistance, practitioners and abstainers. Instead of unleashing the beast by laying siege to Ethan Hawke’s house, we follow some unwilling Purge participants stranded out in the streets on the most dangerous night of the year. They serendipitously end up being led by Frank Grillo (The Grey, Warrior, Mother’s Day, Captain America: The Winter Soldier), who dominates the screen and manages to make this otherwise sorry sequel watchable with his mysterious Purger-with-a-secret. But wait… he “is” out on Purge night so it begs the question…can they trust him?

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We see how the lower, middle and upper class purge. Unfortunately, we’re already quite familiar with this world from the stellar performances in the original The Purge (2013) and nothing new is really offered beyond this change in perspective.

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That’s not to say that the sociopaths preparing for the Purge, eerily waving at their soon-to-be victims wasn’t unnerving–it just lacked the degree of undiscovered menace that made its predecessor so shiny and new.

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It’s like the thrill of discovery in learning the secrets and nuance of The Matrix (1999), followed by the disenchanted reaction of revisiting its inner workings in The Matrix: Reloaded (2003). But this comparison really isn’t fair. The Matrix: Reloaded (2003) is still awesome much as the Silver or Bronze medalist at the Olympics would compare to the Gold-toting original (1999), whereas Anarchy is more like a fat guy with type-II diabetes and a sprained ankle compared to the two-time winner of the Boston Marathon that is The Purge (2013). But let me tell you how I really feel…

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Outside of our solid lead cast, the secondary actors provision the screen with stale performances. The social allegory that was once so organically powerful now feels forced and the new commentary intended to add intrigue to the story (and the social/political evolution of The Purge) is delivered in such a manner that it falls flat.

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Seeing this makes me want to go back and watch The Purge (2013) again–which I found to be perfection. I like what DeMonaco was “trying” to do with this sequel, but I fear that he missed the target this time–which is especially shocking when considering his mastery in capturing the atmosphere of the first. As such, I’d sooner advise you to watch Anarchy if you’re a Frank Grillo fan than if you’re a Purge fan–however, Purge fans won’t want to miss it as it will clearly bridge us into the third installment’s plot. But with that said, this really wasn’t a terrible movie–just not a good one and definitely doing zero justice to part one. I didn’t hate it. I won’t be buying it either… Not unless it comes at a discount in a triple movie blu-ray pack with The Purge: Election Year.

If you want a second opinion check out Mark’s review: The Purge: Anarchy: When a Bad Movie Happens to a Good Idea.

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John’s Horror Corner: Def By Temptation (1990), an entertaining B-movie about a demonic temptress.

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This movie has a ton of different movie posters and release titles.

MY CALL: If you love bad 80s horror and make yourself watch this (the whole movie), I think you’ll appreciate it for its zaniness, gore, campiness and diverse effects. But don’t watch 20 minutes and decide “this sucks” and promptly stop watching. Trust me, it’s worth it. MORE MOVIES LIKE Def By Temptation: Vamp (1986) was a quality flick about a female vampire seductress that was occasionally funny and had decent effects. Another black vampire movie would be Vampire in Brooklyn (1995). Movies that share this level of bad 80s lunacy would be Nightwish (1990), Prince of Darkness (1987), Dreamaniac (1986), Night Angel (1990), Ghosthouse (1986), Manitou (1978) and Deadly Blessing (1981). ALTERNATE TITLE: Vampire in New York and Black Vampires.

This is gory, silly, bad 80s horror fun at its best…as long as you can make it through the first hour. Featuring distractingly horrible editing and abject storytelling, this movie stars and was written/directed by James Bond III, who thankfully never directed anything else. This alone should tell you all you need to know. But, just for funsies, let’s review it anyway…

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Back in the 70s-90s horror directors seemed to think that if you add a snake to a scene it makes it creepier.  Even if someone is just holding it.  Like the Salma Hayek striptease in Dusk ’til Dawn.

This film opens introducing us to a womanizer who earns a brutal fate at the hands of a supernatural seductress (Cynthia Bond). The scenes feature full frontal male nudity as the man runs, screaming for his life. I feel like they were trying to present this to elevate the intensity, vulnerability and desperation; to set a dire tone. It worked..

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Ah, yes.  The old “blood in the shower” trick.
So this is where Blade got the idea for the blood rave.

But in subsequent scenes, things feel more campy. As if, shortly after this scene, the movie decided to stop taking itself so seriously. Unfortunately, the writing, acting, and pretty much everything else about this film is similarly inconsistent.

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I can’t speak for everyone, but it strikes me as simultaneously creepy and sexy to have someone in the room playing the saxophone while I’m having sex.

The nature of our seductress remains a mystery for much of the movie. We don’t know how or why she kills. Just that she does. At one point I thought she was a demon or a succubus or some other manner of infernal temptress. A brief glance of a clawed (and maybe hairy?) hand made me wonder if she was later a werewolf.

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Is she a were-warthog?

As the story weakly progresses, we get glimpses of vampirism. But this movie neither follows “the rules” of vampirism nor demons nor does it clearly lay out its own new rules. She has no reflection in the mirror, walks around in daylight, holy water gives her thrashing indigestion and the right Biblical verse will make her head explode. At one point she seems pleased to have afflicted a lecherous victim with a disease and his skin forms perhaps blistering legions–but the scene is so poorly staged that I wasn’t entirely clear if it was meant to be caused by sunlight…or if it would continue until he died regardless. But then why is she not so affected? And what the Hell even happened to that guy? Did he die? We never know!

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The special effects, like most 80s and early 90s horror, is heavily biased towards the last third of the movie. Some blood here and there, wounds and skin lesions, and a clawed hand don’t make for a promising first hour. But the last 30 minutes offers someone being “eaten” by an evil TV, our succubus assumes her demon form (multiple different forms), and there are some scenes of spewing gore.

DEF BY TEMPTATION, Kadeem Hardison, 1990.

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The other element that typifies the third act is LUNACY! It’s hard to keep track of precisely what’s going on…is this a dream, an illusion from mind control, a flashback mixing with the present? It sort of turns into a fever dream. For some reason in a single scene we see our protagonist fighting the succubus in New York City, his grandmother (who lives in North Carolina) suddenly appears in New York and his dead father lectures him…again, all in one scene! And no, it wasn’t a dream nor was anything explained. But therein lies the joyous madness of bad 80s horror.

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Despite being horribly edited, I enjoyed the flashback sequence with Samuel L Jackson (The Hateful 8, Captain America: The Winter Soldier) as Joel’s minister father and Bill Nunn (Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead) who we meet as a guy with a new lie for every girl he tries to pick up at a bar…like making kung fu movies with Bruce Lee or being a race car driver. But he also turns out to be an important character and even when he’s not trying to pick up hotties, he has by far the best lines! Kadeem Hardison (White Men Can’t Jump, Vampire in Brooklyn) also has his moments…good and bad (but mostly bad). But our writer/director/star simply shits the bed with his character’s attempts to be soulful and inflexive.

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If you love bad 80s horror and make yourself watch this (the whole movie), I think you’ll appreciate it for its zaniness, gore, campiness and diverse effects. But don’t watch 20 minutes and decide “this sucks” and promptly stop watching. Trust me, it’s worth it.

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ANIME: Wicked City (1987), classic demon Anime loaded with succubi, gore and tentacles.

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MY CALL: Whether you love Tokyo Shock cinema (e.g., Tokyo Gore Police, Vampire Girl versus Frankenstein Girl), or simply love anima and generally weird shit, you should probably give this classic demon Anime a shot. I thought it was awesome 20 years ago and still think it’s pretty damn cool today! MORE MOVIES LIKE Wicked City: Demon City Shinjuku (1988), Bio Hunter (1995), Vampire Hunter D (1985), Ninja Scroll (1993), Cyber City Oedo 808 (1990 mini-series), and all manner of Tokyo Shock cinema like Tokyo Gore Police (2008) and Vampire Girl versus Frankenstein Girl (2009).

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This movie kicks off strong as our hero Taki goes home and gets lucky with a woman who turns out to be a spider demon! Maaaaaybe not so lucky. After sex she transforms, with her arms eerily elongating and her lady parts becoming a menacing toothed maw. I see where Tokyo Gore Police (2008) got the idea. Not to be confused with some pornographic hentai, this very mature Anime does feature abundant nudity and sex scenes…and “sex-like” scenes. It also manages to mix some romantic elements into this otherwise largely perverse movie.

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Our human world and the Black World, a parallel dimension, have had a treaty in place for centuries. The denizens of the Black World must use approved channels to come to our world and when they violate these rules, members of the Black Guard keep them in check–Taki is one of them. The Black Guard is a lot like the Men in Black (1997), operating in secret to protect people from the harm and even frightening knowledge of these extra-dimensional beings.

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Now that the 1851 treaty is nearing an end, a new treaty must be signed and interdimensional political turmoil ensues as Taki and a Black Guard from the other side (Makie) must team up to protect an important old man from assassination attempts by Black World demon radicals.

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All manner of weirdness can be found. Weaponized ribcages, prehensile gut tentacles and a crawling eye-stalked head are all reminiscent of The Thing (1982) and likely pay kind homage to its effects.

(go to the 3:00 minute mark for the head crawling)

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There’s also prehensile hair, strangely erotic engulfing and elongating fingernails of death. We find various succubus demons seeking to engulf their victims in various ways, demonic parasites, stone demons, the return of our web-slinging (from her crotch) spider demon, and spiky tentacle demons that regenerate. Clearly, this movie is loaded with awesomeness.

mr-shadowSHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, 1991. ©Warner Bros.

Hmmmmmmm…

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Whether you love Tokyo Shock cinema like Tokyo Gore Police (2008) and Vampire Girl versus Frankenstein Girl (2009), or simply love anima and weird shit, you should probably give this classic demon Anime a shot. I thought it was awesome 20 years ago and still think it’s pretty damn cool today!

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John’s Horror Corner: Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker (2002), a decent direct-to-DVD horror film and an “okay” Hellraiser film.

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pc1hzt0qMY CALL: Overall, I was pleased with this as a direct-to-DVD horror film, but maybe disappointed as a major Hellraiser fan. In either case, I’d still recommend it. But only AFTER seeing all of its predecessors in order. MORE MOVIES LIKE Hellseeker: Be sure to see Hellraiser (1987) and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) first, of course. Then maybe Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth (1992) and Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996). Hellraiser: Inferno (2000) is more of a standalone film.

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***************How it fits in the franchise***************

Directed by Rick Bota (Haven, Hellraiser VII-VIII), this sixth installment to the Hellraiser franchise follows in Inferno‘s (2000) footsteps by presenting another stand-alone story. Hellraiser was a dark chamber thriller fueled by lustful desire, Hellbound more of a curious exploration of Barker’s Hell-ish Labyrinth and his Cenobites, Hell on Earth was a troped-up action/horror movie chronicling Pinhead’s own escape from Hell, Bloodline was an anthology story illustrating the creation and lineage of the Puzzle Box, Inferno a crime thriller neatly packaged in the dark trappings of the Puzzle Box, and now we find yet another murder-mystery crime thriller. There is an admittedly significant drop in quality in the third and fourth films from the original two, and yet another such drop for the fifth and this sixth direct-to-video installments, but it remains comforting that we never seem to find the same story recycled and retold with different victims.

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A major fault of Hell on Earth and Bloodline was the nuisance of over-exposition. I didn’t find that to be a problem here.  But the most noticeable flaw was that this sixth franchise story is the first not to expand the Hellraiser mythology, rather operating on the same theme as Inferno. Whereas parts 1-4 revolve around the Box or Pinhead (Doug Bradley), parts 5-6 are illustrative of what experiences befall those damned souls who open the Box. As a result, we see much less of Pinhead and focus more on our curious and potentially damned soul. Trevor’s journey begins as a rational investigation fogged by amnesia, shifts to something supernatural and psychologically pervasive, and ultimately steers us into what feels like a surreal dreamscape of his life.

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Parts 1-3 of this franchise should be watched in order. After seeing them, there seems to be no consequence to 4-6 out of order aside from the fact that Bloodline is much better than 5 or 6. This film is nothing special, nor is it even a “good” Hellraiser story. But I take it for what it is and appreciate of it what I can. I didn’t regret watching it.

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***************Review***************

After suffering a car accident and losing his wife Kirsty (Ashley Laurence; Hellraiser I-II, Lurking Fear), Trevor (Dean Winters; John Wick) awakens in a hospital mostly amnesiac and, for what he can remember, his story strangely doesn’t match the police.

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That’s right. Dean Winters is the Allstate Commercial guy.

As if a mix of post-traumatic stress and disorientation, flashbacks and hallucinations occur in the form of brutally macabre surgical scenes, fond memories of his wife, scenes of infidelity and nightmare-like fever dream sequences of vomiting live lampreys, brutal beatings, murder scenes and electrocutions.

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Pleasure and lust have always had a place in Clive Barker’s Hellraiser canon but much as we saw in Inferno (2000), director Rick Bota (Haven, Hellraiser VII-VIII) takes a less inspired path to include such content in the form of affairs and intra-office trysts. It’s as if Trevor was being haunted by his mistresses although he has no memory of their exploits or drive to continue them. Voyeurism becomes a new theme as well, and long-drawn creep factors have been replaced by loud noisy jump scares that abound in the form of barking pitbulls and drowning specters in vending machines. None of them with any sense of context or build-up.

Our reintroduction to Pinhead (Doug Bradley; Exorcismus, Hellraiser I-V) is pretty fun. He emerges from an anatomy poster, pulls a pin from his head which elongates, and “acupunctures” his relaxed victim. It has an air of 90s badness to it, but 90s badness done right! And when Pinhead properly meets Trevor, the scene is a distinct throwback to the original Hellraiser (1987). Nice touch.

This sixth franchise installment links back directly to the original Hellraiser (1987) when we learn that Trevor, among his amnesia-lost past, had given a Puzzle Box to Kirsty as a gift.

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And much like part 1, Kirsty makes a deal with Pinhead to spare her. Also borrowing the style of part 1 is that in this film we see much less of the Cenobites than we did in parts 2-5, making this more about Trevor’s journey of infernal self-discovery. We only find Pinhead, a brief appearance by Chatterbox, and his four new infernal monks –one with coils of wire, one plus-sized woman, one with flash stretched over its face, one without eyelids. Only two of them are named in IMDB as , Stitch and Bound. But the Cenobites seem to hardly matter in parts 5-6 outside of Pinhead himself. <<sigh>>

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An unfortunate trend in this franchise is that the effects go from “Holy Shit Awesome” (for their 80s era and even today) in parts 1-2, to pretty good in 3-4, to typical direct-to-DVD in 5-6. But fret not, it’s all still quite entertaining and Pinhead’s tissue-rending hooked chains get their pound of flesh.

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Overall, I was pleased with this film as a direct-to-DVD horror film, but maaaaybe a tad disappointed as a major Hellraiser fan. In either case, I’d still recommend it. But only AFTER seeing all of its predecessors in order (at least 1-4).

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John’s Horror Corner: Leprechaun (1993), the wonderful 90s badness that only an evil Warwick Davis can provide.

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MY CALL: Let’s be clear. This comical horror movie is haphazardly stupid. But it’s the kind of stupid that’s sort of awesome…if you’re into that kind of thing. And, by the way, this was Jennifer Aniston’s first lead role in a theatrical release movie! MORE MOVIES LIKE Leprechaun: There are loads of sequels taking Warwick Davis from “da hood” to outer space. But whatever you do, don’t watch Leprechaun: Origins (2014)–terrible even for a direct-to-DVD B-movie.

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I felt exactly like this after watching the 2014 reboot.

Having recently suffered through the seemingly completely unrelated and failed reboot Leprechaun: Origins (2014), I felt the need to go back and revisit this old clutch favorite.

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This classic bad horror movie opens with such a pleasantly bad 90s feel as, in the very first scene mind you, we meet our Leprechaun (Warwick Davis; Willow, the Harry Potter series) coveting his pot of gold and gleefully chanting murderous limericks about those who would steal from him, all the while wearing the classic Leprechaun trappings of gold-buckled shoes and a hatted green suit. Like an R-rated children’s show, he narrates his malevolent intentions and giggles and scurries around, often toying with his victims.

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Cut to more comical 90s badness, an Irishman polishes off an entire bottle of Irish whiskey before drunkenly brandishing some stolen gold before his doubtful wife. Can anyone guess who the Leprechaun’s first victims will be??? The bad-o-meter starts reading pretty high when the drunkard brandishes a four-leaf clover to rebuke the mythological creature much as an old priest and a young priest would to ward off the demon Pazuzu.

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All this fun, bad, awesomeness transpires in the first 10 minutes, so right off the bat I’m going to recommend this to anyone who enjoys some bad 80s or 90s horror. But on with the review!

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Our cliché Valley girl Tory (Jennifer Aniston; Horrible Bosses) is reluctantly visiting her father (John Sanderford; Firestarter, The Alchemist) for the summer at his South Dakota home where the drunk Irishman had imprisoned the Leprechaun years ago in the basement.

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Helping to renovate the house is a simple-minded manchild (Mark Holton; Teen Wolf) with a penchant for telling unbelievable tall tales. So naturally, when he sees the evil leprechaun no one believes him.

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The acting and writing aren’t good, but they aren’t unforgivably awful either. In fact, I find the lines to be quite entertaining most of the time. But what really makes this movie work is the over-the-top performance of Warwick Davis as the monster of folklore. He maniacally laughs and does ridiculous things like death by pogo-stick, speeding in a kid’s Powerwheels car, and compulsively shining dirty shoes. Adding to the haphazard badness is that he can magically teleport, but he never seems to use it in useful ways. Instead he chases people, regular-sized people, and somehow keeps up with them with those stumpy little legs.

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The special effects are just okay in general, but the finale when they defeat the Leprechaun is deliciously slimy, gooey fun. There’s not a moment of scary in this movie, but giggles galore. This toes the line of a horror comedy.

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They just don’t make’em like this any more, do they?

Let’s be clear. This movie is stupid. But it’s the kind of stupid that’s awesome…if you’re into that kind of thing. And, by the way, this was Jennifer Aniston’s first lead role in a theatrical release movie! So watch it! Then watch a couple sequels!

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John’s Horror Corner: Girlfriend from Hell (1989), an insufferably boring Devil uses sex to consume souls and drive us to prayer for a merciful death.

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MY CALL: Insufferable boredom! This movie sucked my soul in the worst way. Don’t watch it. MORE MOVIES LIKE Girlfriend from Hell: Instead of this you should watch Night of the Demons 1-3 (1988-1997), The Hazing (2004), Night Angel (1990), Def by Temptation (1990) and the Puppet Master 1-5 (1989-1994). All have their share of sexualized death scenes without getting uncomfortably perverted, much better effects, some dirty humor, better acting/writing…better everything!

This movie is awful…maybe even annoyingly awful to the point that I’m upset to be watching it alone and without the luxury of a beer buzz. It opens on some other planet where a guy with a laser gun is hunting some glowing ball of energy that is apparently his girlfriend. This evil ball of energy then beams through space to Earth and possesses the extremely awkward twenty-something Maggie (Liane Curtis; Critters 2) who was set up on a date with the equally awkward Carl (Anthony Barrile; Friday the 13th: A New Beginning). Somehow her interstellar boyfriend follows her to Earth and the hunt continues much to our insufferable boredom.

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Just a fair warning, the lameness of the images in this review very accurately represent the quality of this movie.

Now hiding in Maggie’s body, the entity magically gives her a hot makeover. Among her misbehaving we learn that she is the Devil (and not a space alien) and she starts killing the men at a birthday party with fully clothed, lame, soul-sucking sex sessions.

A series of absurd things happen but it’s never really even funny. It’s just unendurable sad. I didn’t even enjoy one scene–and I was trying so hard to like this.  On a side note, this movie would have been way better if they had cast Jennifer Tilly as Maggie.

Everything about this movie is terrible. The acting seems unrehearsed and performed in single takes by amateurs, the writing is lobotomizingly inane and often featuring painfully long-winded exposition, and the story and editing are so choppy we never have a solid understanding of what’s going on. Watch out for James Karen (The Unborn, Poltergeist) giving his worst performance ever as Carl’s dad. Such a shame that this film even corrupted the likes of him.

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I love some pretty terrible movies, but this one was especially hard to watch. I had to watch it across two different days to avoid getting irritated. It offers so little. There’s nothing really provocative. No blood, no sex scenes (but one annoying scene with nudity), and the special effects were limited to some life-drained corpses, crackling magical electricity and laser beams.girlfriend_hell2

Evidently they couldn’t convince any of the cast to take of their tops and bare their breasts.  So they added this completely random scene in a strip club just so the movie would have nudity.  We needlessly find ourselves here when the protagonist “teleports” and “time travels” to this sleazy locale.

This movie sucked my soul in the worst way. Don’t watch it.

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The Devil’s Sword (1984), a bonkers Indonesian martial arts fantasy B-movie.

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MY CALL: The Devil’s Sword is no obvious knock off–it’s somewhat original in its own insane little microcosm. But it should be considered with caution when making a serious (or completely unserious) choice in whether or not to watch it. MORE MOVIES LIKE The Devil’s Sword: Do you like this 80s fantasy badness?  How about Flash Gordon (1980), Sorceress (1982), Kull the Conqueror (1997), Krull (1983), Conquest (1983), Deathstalker (1983), The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984) and Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (1987).  All of these movies are better than Barbarian Queen (1985) in every possible way except for amply breast-filled minutes of screen time. Like all the fantasy but don’t care for all the “bad”?  Let’s try Legend (1985), Beastmaster (1982), Conan the Barbarian (1982), Conan the Destroyer (1984) or Willow (1988) on for size.

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Little in this world is more other-worldly than foreign sword and sorcery films. Don’t believe me? Watch Conquest (1983), Lucio Fulci’s Italian lunacy. But for now let’s focus on southeast Asia…

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A meteor crashes to Earth near some sort of elderly Zen monk dude, who then uses its ore to forge a sword–called the “Devil’s Sword” for probably no other reason than a poor translation to English. Because why not, right?

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Biggest sheath EVER!

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We are then introduced to the Invisible Queen who, after the butt-naked sacrifice of a young Indonesian warrior, becomes renamed the Crocodile Queen for the remainder of the movie and summons a harem of men for a public make-out session to appease her carnal desires (which apparently require no nudity). At this point you’re already thinking “this makes no sense.” Trust me, I know. There was no better way to explain the story so far.

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See, “now” she’s no longer invisible…ergo, “Crocodile Queen.”

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But she’s more like a Crocodile Slut.

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And she has “fire sex”…fully clothed…with no mouth kissing.

At first the plot seems to be about combating this Crocodile Queen’s lust for male sacrifices, but then we steer in the direction of insurrection among her assassins who are all willing to kill whomever they must (including each other) to claim the “other” Devil’s Sword and rule all of the warriors of the world. So we saw an old guy forge one…but now all the sudden we are to understand there are two? Sure. WTF do I have to lose.

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The action in this fantasy/martial arts movie is insane and abundant–and abundantly insane. It’s a combination of classic kung fu theater and horrible knockoff Hong Kong cinema.

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We have long fight clips with choppy choreography–some of it lame and simple, some of it technically cool, but none of it matching the modern technically sound work of Tony Jaa (Ong Bak, Furious 7), Scott Adkins (El Gringo, Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning) or Iko Uwais (The Raid: Redemption, Merantau). It smacks a dash of Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki (1991)…not to the same slapstick level, but with several severed heads rifling through the air and Dragonball-kicking a boulder and then “riding” it to your destination does give it quite a cartoon feel.

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Is that a Flying Nimbus!?!?!

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One of these movie posters gives a much more honest representation of the movie than the other.  Take a gander at the images below and you tell me which one is more accurate.

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Worst Cyclops ever.

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Complementing the lunacy are scenes of summoning crocodile men from the earth who teleport-hop all over the place, surgical amputations, a lame cannibal pit, warriors burrowing in the sand like Tremors (1990), water crocodile warriors, an undead boatman, a dungeons and dragons lair complete with booby traps and secret doors, the worst ever Cyclops monster and laser beams. Yes, I said laser beams! Complete lunacy!

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Director Ratno Timoer would later go on to do Revenge of the Ninja (1984), not to be confused with the “other” famous B-movie Revenge of the Ninja (1983). In other words, you probably haven’t heard of the cheap knock off he directed. And while Devil’s Sword is no obvious knock off–it’s somewhat original in its own insane little microcosm– it’s to be treated as one when making a serious (or completely unserious) choice in whether or not to watch it.

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ANIME: Vampire Hunter D (1985), Dungeons and Dragons meets Castlevania in this great dark fantasy adventure.

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MY CALL: Dungeons and Dragons meets Castlevania in this great dark fantasy adventure featuring demons, vampires, mutants, cyborgs, castle lairs and magical items. If you like Anime or dark fantasy you should probably see this. MORE MOVIES LIKE Vampire Hunter D: Of course Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000) and the rumored upcoming TV series Vampire Hunter D: Resurrection. Then perhaps Demon City Shinjuku (1988), Bio Hunter (1995), Wicked City (1987), Ninja Scroll (1993), Cyber City Oedo 808 (1990 mini-series), and maybe such fantasy as The Dark Crystal (1988), Willow (1982) and Legend (1985).

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The future is populated by demons and mutants, dinosaurs and werewolves, and all manner of supernatural creatures and mystical magical items with unexplained names like “the time-bewitching incense.” Sounds like a dream to any Dungeons and Dragons fan, if you ask me. And that’s exactly what I am!

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Not at all as perverse or provocative as its unrelated successor Wicked City (1987), Vampire Hunter D (1985) features nothing more risqué than a few boob shots and some frequent panty glances of our strong protagonist Doris.

111She can hold her own and handles a whip pretty well, but having been bitten by the 10,000-year old Count (Dracula), she hires D–a wispy and mysterious hunter, riding atop his fiendishly horned cybernetic horse.

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The Dhampir offspring of a vampire and a human (like Blade), D is a most formidable swordsman bearing an antagonistic face that never shuts up on his right hand and the ability to regenerate. His eyes glow when we embraces his true nature.

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Defending Doris from the romantic interests of the noble vampiric Count, D combats his mutant servants imbued with all manner of time-space-bending and magical powers. One particularly weird henchman emits spiders from him porous hunchback–yuck.

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In his Castlevania meets classic Dungeons and Dragons dungeon crawl he faces the shape-shifting life-draining lamia (which strike me more as a mix of sirens and naga), traps, ghosts, a witch, a pterodactyl man, a giant, and ultimately the revered noble vampire. It’s a fun mix of enemies.

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The Count possesses a most powerful telekinesis which contributes some festive gore, complete with dismemberment, blood geysers, eyeball gauges and an exploding head. All in an effort to prevent the Count from forcibly wedding Doris in his gigantic castle attended by all manner of hooded minion monks.

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As the story progresses we learn that D is more powerful and more important than he lets on, but even by the end some mysteries remain as he exits to parts unknown, much as he arrived. Perhaps these are mysteries answered in the Manga books.

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This movie was a blast when I was a kid and still maintains its entertainment value today. It reminds me of my Dungeons and Dragons days in the best way.

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John’s Horror Corner: Headhunter (1988), a Nigerian voodoo curse demon that loves decapitation.

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This thing looks like someone got Yoda wet, then fed him after midnight. LOL

MY CALL: Any pleasure to be derived from this Voodoo demon movie–besides giggling at its general badness–is limited to just a handful of scenes surrounded by boring plot and sinful acting. Watch with caution; probably only for the obscure 80s horror fanatics out there…which I am, so I thought it was okay. MORE MOVIES LIKE Headhunter: Other horror movies set in the Sunshine State include Day of the Dead (1985) in Fort Meyers, Jaws 3-D (1983), Jupiter’s American Horror Story: Freakshow (2014) and Frogs (1972), Jeepers Creepers (2001) and Swamp Thing (1982). Other absurd 80s-era horror include Rawhead Rex (1986), Night Angel (1990), Nightwish (1990), Prince of Darkness (1987), Dreamaniac (1986), Def by Temptation (1990), Ghosthouse (1986), Manitou (1978) and Deadly Blessing (1981)…probably all of which are better than Headhunter.

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This poster makes it look like a totally different movie.
Where are all the voodoo curse demons?
Looks like a possession movie poster.

It takes a while for this movie to get to the point…or to get to anything that matters at all. Opening shots long-windedly depict Voodoo rituals in Africa when something goes wrong. Something that we obviously wouldn’t get to see in the first five minutes. But we get the idea that this something is summoned when chaotic POV shots give a nod to an Evil Dead demon.

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This opening sequence is unnecessarily long and at first I thought I was watching a documentary or something on the National Geographic channel.  Speaking of which, we do get to see National Geographic-style nudity…but no nudity later during a shower scene.  Go figure.

Meanwhile in south Florida, a Miami cop (Wayne Crawford; Barracuda) with some drinking issues discovers that his wife (June Chadwick; Forbidden World) has a lesbian lover and he starts sleeping with his partner (Kay Lenz; House). The editing is terrible, the acting is scarier than the movie, and none of the aforementioned aspects of this cop’s life really matter at all with regard to the plot.

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She is sulking like all the time.

As for what little plot there is to discuss, it seems that a poor Nigerian community has brought their voodoo practices (and curses) across the Atlantic to Florida…and judging by the recent crime scenes, they brought their voodoo demon with them. A local community leader, voodoo shaman and somehow wealthy African Studies professor (to my knowledge neither shaman nor professor are lucrative careers) altruistically appears to help our Miami cops “track down” this demon…sort of…well, not really. You see, at first he finds them and says he wants to help. Then he reveals that he really can’t do any more than tell them the recent chain of murders are linked to a curse that followed his people from Nigeria. No weaknesses, no origins, no mythology or folklore…just, yeah, a decapitating curse demon that somehow needs to be stopped.

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In the first hour of this tragic low budget B-movie (or D-movie), our evil force is represented by POV shots, wind/telekinesis and a curved blade (like that of a khopesh, or sword). We see heads, then we don’t see heads, there’s some blood where heads used to be…it’s all pretty weak. But it’ll make you grin.

This movie just needlessly drags. You know what’s an awesome B-movie idea? A voodoo demon that hunts people down and chops off their heads because of some curse that goes entirely unexplained. You know what’s not a cool idea? A movie about a south Florida detective whose wife is cheating on him with another woman. This unambitious D-movie gives us both and, as a result of this plot beleaguered by our protagonist’s personal crisis, this movie is only awesome for about 10 minutes. Two of these brilliantly bad minutes feature the most frantic chainsaw shopping scene in film history. A couple more minutes feature a bath tub filled with severed body parts and blood.

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When we finally see our demon headhunter at the very end of the movie, we enjoy a silly latex monstrosity that looks more like the swamp hag from Legend (1985) wielding a sword than anything that makes me think of Africa or voodoo. Our hero ends up saving his lovely partner in a voodoo demon sword versus chainsaw duel. Then movie is just “over” after about 90 seconds of decent action and fun. No explanation, no catharsis, no finishing the tale of the Nigerian voodoo curse demon…we just assume everything’s fine after some cheesy chainsaw dismemberment.

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Beyond that there’s a nudity-free shower scene and little gore, no good reason for not showing us the monster earlier or more often, and pretty much nothing in the way of atmosphere or scares.

Any pleasure to be derived from this movie–besides giggling at its general badness, which is often just as annoying than funny–is limited to just a handful of scenes surrounded by boring plot and sinful acting. Watch with caution; probably only for the obscure 80s horror fanatics out there…which I am, so I thought it was okay.

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John’s Horror Corner: Brother (2016), Short Film Review

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Disclaimer: This review was solicited by the filmmakers. However, my opinion remains unbiased as I was neither hired nor paid to produce this critical review.

MY CALL: This is a pretty damn impressive horror short film about a boyfriend who’s not as faithful as his girlfriend thinks, and his girlfriend’s monstrous family secret. MORE MOVIES LIKE Brother: Here at MFF we occasionally do horror short film reviews. Among recent solicited promotions are Order of the Ram (2013), TRAILER TALK: Blood Money and Short Film Buzz: Burn (2016). We also did a solicited review of the indie techno-horror Other Halves (2016).

Description: Directed by Alrik Bursell and starring @ComedianCapone, Brother is an indie drama/horror film starring comedian Capone Lee about family and relationships and how sometimes the two struggle to get along. Shot on location in Oakland, CA, Brother is a completely independent horror short film with a focus on strong characters and old school practical effects. Brother also stars local actor Dezi Soley and LA based actor David O’Donnell. Brother made its premiered at the 14th Oakland International Film Festival.

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My greatest relief arrived in the first 5 seconds when the characters (the lead couple) were instantly likable, the writing felt totally natural, and the actors had immediate on-screen chemistry. Just trust me on this. This basically never happens. When the brother character arrived I felt that the relationships were still somewhat natural, but less organic than the pristine opening scene.

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I was also impressed with the camerawork. The opening scene included a great swing-around shot when the couple approached the lake. Nice continuous shots like this in lieu of multiple cuts may go unnoticed to most viewers, but I feel they (with fewer cuts and a more natural feel) enhance everyone’s experience.

With all three characters on screen things feel good, but there’s something missing. This may sound overly critical, but honestly short films suffer this more often than feature length because we’ve had less time to engage our main characters and cultivate an investment in them.

I was especially pleased with the sound editing. The sound of pouring a glass of wine may seem trivial at times, but without such nuance the atmosphere can stale over quickly with an overly sterile feel. Great work on the texting/media presentation as well.

Right about now would be a good time for you to stop reading and give this short film a watch. No worries, it’s just a brisk 10 minutes. Then we’ll get back to our criticism…

To watch the short film CLICK HERE

I must aim my greatest criticism on the boyfriend (David O’Donnell). I actually feel that he has by far the best highlights in terms of natural line delivery. However, the revelations of his infidelity–staring at the jogger in the opening scene with little regard to his girlfriend (Dezi Solèy) possibly noticing, candidly admitting to her brother that he was seeing multiple women when he met her, and dismissively agreeing that she’s “sweet”–all should have been more subtle. I fail to believe that approaching a possible engagement that she would have never noticed his poorly hidden and frequent interests in, for example, a random runner prancing by. But again, I must offer a fair defense that we only have 10 minutes to develop our story and, as such, some things must be comparably rushed to make our points with alacrity. That said, I imagine a longer version of this film would offer a better-substantiated and more natural foundation for these monogamy-fleeting behaviors.

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Likewise, her argument with her brother (Capone Lee) feels as if it advances at a rushed pace, skipping much detail. But, people, 10 minute short film. All things considered, I feel this is going resplendently compared to most of my solicited indie reviews, and I’m largely enjoying this. I want to see the feature length version of this.

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I often comment that “the fledgling director has much to offer in terms of [BLANK]” or that “I like what they were trying to do, but perhaps with a larger budget…” But here I have little criticism outside of aforementioned issues. And can I just say how awesome Dezi Solèy was in her first role? Fantastic.

The special effects were part CGI and part practical. I liked both. Again, better quality than I’ve come to expect from solicited submissions by far.

All that remains is for these filmmakers to move forward and make a feature length film or a longer (perhaps 20-30 min) short film out of this…perhaps for the next V/H/S-style anthology movie. I’d certainly like to see it!

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Also, just as a sidenote, anyone who thinks this is a fluff review because I’m flattered to have been asked to review this…you’re quite wrong. Just check out my previous solicited reviews (all hyperlinked above). You’ll find that I’m quite critical (even at times brutally honest) but fair to the merits presented. And these filmmakers and actors have shown the kind of merits I want to see more.

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John’s Horror Corner: Dolly Dearest (1991), Poltergeist meets Mexican Child’s Play in this great evil doll movie!

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MY CALL: The poster art makes this movie look like something you’d want to skip. But trust me, DON’T SKIP IT. This is solid gold B+ horror and a decent evil doll movie that borrows heavily from Child’s Play (1988) and Poltergeist (1982). MORE MOVIES LIKE Dolly Dearest: There’s no shortage of evil doll movies on the market and they come in all different flavors. Puppet Master 1-5 (1989), The Boy (2016), Child’s Play (1988), Curse of Chucky (2013) and Poltergeist (1982), from which this movie borrows heavily. But not Annabelle (2014; podcast discussion of Annabelle), which was just garbage on film. Other horror movies that take Americans to Mexico and Central America are The Ruins (2008) and Indigienous (2014).

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The Wade family moves from Los Angeles into a Mexican home sight-unseen after buying a Mexican doll factory sight-unseen. Already, this plot sounds like something that would only feasibly happen in a bad horror movie…nobody does that! But this is their lucky day, because some ancient Mayan ruins are nearby and an anthropologist accidently unleashed a ball of red glowing energy–errrr, I mean, an evil spirit!

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Hmmm…noticing the similarities yet?

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After being given a doll from the factory, their young daughter begins acting strangely. Her mother Marylin (Denise Crosby; Pet Sematary) has caught her talking to “Dolly” frequently, she draws violent depictions of animals, hisses at priests and rosaries, and speaks in the ancient Sanzian language to their devout housekeeper.

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What’s more is that we (the audience) see the Dolly move on her own and it’s implied that she scampers about the house at night very early in the film. And once her murderous intentions are known, we see Dolly’s creepy little doll hands locking doors and picking up sharp objects, sneaking, hiding and stabbing! It’s straight out of the Child’s Play (1988) playbook staged in a Mexican Poltergeist (1982) scenario.

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The jump scares are tedious but Dolly is sufficiently creepy (even scary) enough to make it work…and well! As the story progresses, so too does the little girl’s weirdness. She becomes increasingly attached to Dolly and disengaged from her family…even hostile to them.

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Dolly, like Chucky, gets meaner and uglier.

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This may not be a good film, but it’s a solid B-horror. It’s greatest gift is its pacing. Most B-horror takes 40-60 minutes for anything at all interesting to happen. Whereas we find eerie goings on with Dolly nearly from the start, ambulatory murderous Dolly within about 30 minutes, and after an hour things continue to escalate into bonkersville. There are no great effects, but the walking talking creepy dolls are every bit as effective as we need for his to be a lot of fun.

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Speaking of this being a B-movie, Rip Torn (The Man Who Fell to Earth, RoboCop 3) plays an archaeologist and seemingly shows up for no other reason than to explain that Sanzia means “Satan on Earth,” reveal the ancient burial grounds entomb a Devil child with a goat head, and to blurt out an occasional displaced Spanish phrase even though everyone is always speaking English. He is movie exposition personified, walking and talking and explaining everything.

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Dolly and Chucky are both quite industrious.

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By the way, the dolls follow suit behind Child’s Play (1988) pretty hard. They utter similar lines like “now we’ll be together forever” and “time to play” and their faces become more and more evil-looking as we approach the finale as if they were slowly sapping the soul and humanity from the little girl to transmute Dolly into a living entity of flesh. Then you have Rip Torn filling the Zelda Rubenstein’s Poltergeist (1982) role and the ancient burial ground unleashing spirits that want the youngest child, a little girl whose parents have moved for the father’s job, just like Carol Anne and her family–plus the slightly older boy who discovers the evil, just like Caroll Anne’s brother.

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Older brothers…they’re protective and they mean well, but it usually turns out bad.

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After this film, writer/director Maria Lease went on to do a few episodes of the sultry Silk Stalkings show and then backed off from direction entirely. I’m not sure why she didn’t do more horror. Not only did this movie surprisingly not suck, it was pretty solidly entertaining. I had been procrastinating seeing this for over a decade (some of the poster/cover art is not very promising LOL) and now I find myself recommending it to fans of evil doll movies and 80s-90s B-movie horror…as this was more of a B+ movie (the same can be said for Pumpkinhead and Subspecies 1-2).

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Oh look, there’s more of them. And they get uglier as the movie goes on.

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The poster art makes this movie look like something you’d want to skip. But trust me, DON’T SKIP IT. This is solid gold B+ horror and a decent evil doll movie!

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John’s Horror Corner: Leprechaun 2 (1994), Bride of Leprechaun…an example of a sequel made by filmmakers who failed history and Sunday school.

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MY CALL: This sequel makes me miss the rigid acting in Leprechaun (1993). Although Warwick Davis remains forever a pleasure on screen, his surroundings, supporting cast and writing have collapsed around him like a straw house! MORE MOVIES LIKE Leprechaun 2: Leprechaun (1993) and the loads of sequels taking Warwick Davis from “da hood” to outer space. But whatever you do, don’t watch Leprechaun: Origins (2014)–terrible even for a direct-to-DVD B-movie.

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You’ll probably want a drink to get through this…

We begin in Ireland 1000 years ago, as our Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) celebrates his 1000th birthday on which he may magically choose his bride by saying “God bless you” after she sneezes thrice. Stupidest ritual ever!!!! But his marital prophecy is foiled and he curses that on his yet next 1000th birthday he’ll marry her fairest offspring. Barf! This sounds awful. And why is he dressed like a green wizard!?!

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So here we are on St. Patrick’s Day 1994, his 2000th birthday, and the mythological wee person emerges from a tree in Hollywood, California. To preempt your question, I have no clue whatsoever why he was in that tree or for how long or how he got across the Atlantic Ocean. Perhaps he teleported–as we learned he can do in part 1 when he has his gold and, thus, his powers. But wait…didn’t we last leave him dead in a well in South Dakota????

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I’m left to wonder how this creature of Irish folklore emerged from this tree in 1994 when, in 1993, we last saw him melting to death after a kid slingshot a four-leaf clover down his throat. Remember that? Because evidently it slipped director Rodman Flender’s (The Unborn, Idle Hands) mind.”

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Yeah, that was pretty awesome!

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A lot seemed to slip his mind. Like when the Leprechaun refers to St. Patrick’s “feast day” on his 1000th birthday in the year 994…which predates it being known as a feast day by about 700 years! Moreover, if his 2000th birthday is in 1994 then this Leprechaun was born in the year 7 BC (and not 6 BC, since there is no year zero), 401 years BEFORE Saint Patrick (AD 365-461) was even alive and before some pretty important Christian stuff happened regarded naming saints and all that jazz! So not only are the writer and director rather uninformed Christians (and historians), but they also seem to have made a “part 2” that behaves as if “part 1” never happened.

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What’s more is that the practice of saying “God bless you” in response to a sneeze is not recorded prior to the year 77 AD. However it’s expected to predate the earliest recorded (or “written”) history, so we’ll let that one slide. But hold on, according to the Irish Folk story “Master and Man” by Thomas Crofton Croker one of the purposes of saying “God bless you” is to serve as a shield against evil. Other variations are to protect the sneezer from momentary vulnerability to the Devil as the soul can escape during a sneeze, or that the sneeze itself is an effort to expel the evil (this Wikipedia article explains some of it). It seems that no matter which historical variant of the phrase we choose, it makes absolutely no sense for the Leprechaun to say this to complete a prophecy in which an innocent virgin’s soul is forever claimed against her will by an evil Leprechaun.

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If you drink enough, you won’t notice any of these writing issues.

Well, in either case the Leprechaun’s back and in control of his pot of gold. And now, why ISN’T he dressed as a wizard?!? Not that he ever should have been, but CONSISTENCY, people!

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His magic permits him to control prehensile tree roots, cause hallucinations, and manifest telekinesis. At one point he uses his powers of illusion to make a horny teenager think an exposed lawnmower blade was a pair of bare breasts so that when he goes in for a motorboat he got the wrong kind of motor in his face!

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Unfortunately the kill occurs off-camera, thus highlighting the destitute budget–which accordingly reflects all other aspects of this film’s production value. But there was one entertaining on-screen kill when a snippety barista (Michael McDonald; Mad TV) gets steamed to death with a bloody blistered face.

The Leprechaun finally claims his bride in magical bondage (via three prophesied sneezes and a “blessing”) and takes her home to his tree in Hollywood. Yep. Evidently he has lived there for a while, creating yet more discontinuity with Part 1. His lair is a labyrinthine subterranean Hobbit hole.

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He just needs to reclaim a gold shilling before he can consummate the marriage. And things get festive when retrieving his gold is literally down by removing it from someone’s stomach.

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Doing away with four leaf clovers and shoe-shining compulsions, the movie crescendos into a lackluster finale culminating in an explosion when the Leprechaun is defeated by his ancient weakness, wrought iron. His explosive death pales in comparison to his melting scene in Part 1 and after our protagonists escape his lair the movie “just ends.” Watch out for a cameo by MTV Lifetime Achievement Award Winner Clint Howard (Lords of Salem).

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While this movie has its bad movie delights here and there, recognizing Clint might just be one of the more satisfying highlights for you.

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John’s Horror Corner: Scythe (2016), a Short Film assessing tropes and seeking your support.

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Disclaimer: This review was solicited by the filmmakers. However, my opinion remains unbiased as I was neither hired nor paid to produce this critical review.

MY CALL: This promising slasher short film largely offers aspects of horror tropes that I enjoy. If you feel the same, consider contributing to their Kickstarter Campaign. MORE INDIE MOVIES LIKE Scythe: Here at MFF we occasionally do horror short film and pre-release indie film reviews on request. Among recent solicited promotions are Order of the Ram (2013; short film), Love in the Time of Monsters (2014; feature length), In the Dark (2015; feature length), TRAILER TALK: Blood Money, Short Film Buzz: Burn (2016; press release), Brother (2016; short film), and the indie techno-horror Other Halves (2016; feature length).

Description: Directed/written by Jim Rothman and starring Jose C. Alvarez, Zailee Madrigal and Andrea Muller, Scythe is a psychological Slasher/Thriller in the same vein of Halloween (1978), Saw (2004) and the work of Hitchcock.

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I always get nervous with the solicited screening/reviewing of short films. My first worry is the acting quality, which thankfully was solid right out of the gates as we meet two college girls much like some of those we’ve known. One (Zailee Madrigal) being laid back and carefree, the other (Andrea Muller) is clearly more high strung as we see her insecurities organically unfold.

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Right about now would be a good time for you to stop reading and give this short film a watch. No worries, it’s just a smooth 12 minutes. Then we’ll get back to our critique…

To watch the short film CLICK HERE

Just after she leaves to walk home across campus that evening, Breaking News reveals the “Grim Reaper killer” has escaped. That’s trope #1. And just after getting a warning call from her friend the tropes get heavy as the acting falters a step (with the urgency) and she loses cell service in the middle of Pasadena (not likely). That’s rope #2. Then, as she lowers her phone realizing her call is totally lost, she sees the killer in a classic Michael Myers throwback shot. And that’s #3. I’m gonna’ forgive that one, though, because I just might have liked it.

This “meet the killer” shot is nice and the scoring compliments it smoothly. But overall the camerawork feels pretty basic. It’s not at all bad, mind you. But it boasts proficiency and honorarium over innovation–not that it’s necessary to use clever camera angles and wraparound shots to make an effective horror movie. Right after a stare down with the stranger, a streetlight goes out. Should I put “4” on the scoreboard for team Trope? Actually….no.

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The opening acting quality was a relief but the Breaking News had me rolling my eyes. Why should we forgive it? Because this short film is only 12 minutes and we only have so long to get to know our characters, introduce the enemy, and get on with conflict, chase, murder or escape. Sometimes you need a quick street sign to say “Killer Here” just to get on with it. But when the streetlight goes out it violates our troped up expectations…for whereas it nods to evil snuffing out the light, we (and she) can still see the killer.

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When she gets home and feels safe momentarily, her phone works again…but the power is out! When she thinks someone else is in the house, her phone doesn’t work again. Then the power comes back on…aaaaaaaand we’ve been yo-yoed out of our comfort zone and what falls in our lap but a playful surprise ending? It was a fun startle. We knew something was about to happen when our victim was so relieved (and we also knew this short has already been going for 10 minutes), we just didn’t know exactly how it would happen. I was pleased with how this was handled. And maybe I was briefly antagonized by the frustrating on-and-off phone service and convenient power outage that only seemed to only affect her house (which was explained), but it built to a satisfying end.

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Isn’t that what matters–our feeling at the end of the journey? We can quibble all day about pedantic tropes and think to ourselves “oh, that’s four I count now, I see what they’re doing.” But we can’t let ourselves get caught up in that because sometimes when we look back, we appreciate those tropes as well-received nods rather than conveniences played in lieu of creativity. Often the creativity is in how the trope is served.

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If you want to be a part of something in the world of horror THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
Visit their Kickstarter Campaign (up until early May 2016)
As of 4/13/2016 they have raised $11K of their $50K goal!
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Our lead actress (Andrea Muller) does the lion’s share of the acting and, fortunately, she gives the most consistent and convincing performance. She did a great job. I must aim my greatest criticism at the supporting actress (Zailee Madrigal), who did well but clearly handled the opening scene better than her subsequent scene (i.e., the panicked phone call). This may sound overly critical, but short films suffer more often than feature length because we’ve had less time to engage our main characters and cultivate an investment in them. Moreover the actors themselves have less time and material to cumulatively build their own investment. However, here I readily identified with our star and never found myself apathetic to her survival.

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I often comment that “the fledgling director has much to offer in terms of [BLANK]” or that “I like what they were trying to do, but perhaps with a larger budget…” But here I have little criticism outside of aforementioned minor issues. And can I just say how awesome Andrea Muller was? Nice work. All that remains is for these filmmakers to move forward and make a feature length film or a longer (perhaps 20-30 min) short film out of this. I’d certainly like to see it!

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Also, just as a sidenote, anyone who thinks this is a fluff review because I’m flattered to have been asked to review this…you’re quite wrong. Just check out my previous solicited reviews (all hyperlinked above). You’ll find that I’m quite critical (even at times brutally honest) but fair to the merits presented. And these filmmakers and actors have shown the kind of merits I want to see more.

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The killer looks pretty hokey at the end, but come on…it’s a 12 minute short. LOL. Give them a budget and let’s see what they can do!

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John’s Horror Corner: Pumpkinhead (1988), an excellent case study in over-played tropes executed perfectly.

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MY CALL: Pumpkinhead is a film brimming with all the typical horror tropes. But what truly sets it apart is their elegant delivery in the form of good storytelling–the kind of good writing and well-staged events we seldom encounter in horror. Oh, and EXCELLENT pacing, special effects and set design!!! MORE MOVIES LIKE Pumpkinhead: They actually made three sequels in 1993, 2006 and 2007. I haven’t seen any of them but they couldn’t possibly measure up to the original.

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Makeup special effects wizard turned one-time horror director, Stan Winston (Constantine, Galaxy Quest) demonstrates a greater handle on storytelling and general filmmaking than most would on even their fifth turn helming a horror movie…and he does it just right his first time. He did an admirable job and I’m baffled (and quite disappointed) that he did not continue to direct more horror films. The 90s certainly would have benefited from more of his work.

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Pumpkinhead is a film brimming with all the typical horror tropes. But what truly sets it apart is their elegant delivery in the form of good storytelling–the kind of good writing and well-staged events we seldom encounter in horror. The scenes stitch together seamlessly and imbue a finer level of synthesis than horror typically finds.

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In the opening scene, Ed’s father protects his family from a desperate man pursued by a most pernicious demonic entity during a rather dire flashback that links our main character’s childhood to the monster.

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Now grown and a father of a young boy himself, Ed (Lance Henriksen; Harbinger Down, Aliens, AVP, The Pit and the Pendulum) finds his son in his last living moments after some intoxicated twenty-something runs him over with his dirt bike.

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Much to my relief, what we don’t find are a bunch of young adults who keep talking about beer and smoking weed and getting drunk and getting laid. Their upcoming plight is not prefaced by drunk lap dances or cabin stripteases (e.g., Julianna Guill in Friday the 13th). What we witness instead is what we might expect of a young group (incl. Kerry Remsen; A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, Ghoulies 2) on vacation–mild drinking and driving but no one seems sloshed, typical fun behavior that’s just a little bit dangerous, and a somewhat understandable (though not at all forgivable) reaction to a big screw up while one of them was on probation. Even more rare for a horror film is that although we have a clear singular protagonist in our recently bereft father, the soon-to-be victims are effectively humanized when we witness that only the proby screw-up acts immorally after the accident. Like I said, the tropes are all here, but they don’t feel like the same old over-played tropes when handled so well.

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Ed seeks out a witch–a piece of local hillbilly folklore–to exact his revenge. What’s funny is that Ed is the local middle-of-nowhere store owner in the mountain woods. Normally HE would be the harbinger warning the younger city folks of bad things to come. Instead it’s Ed’s fellow poverty-stricken neighbor (with five kids wearing filthy rags singing rhymes about the monstrous Pumpkinhead) who warns Ed away from pursuing the witch. How’s that for a badass turn of troped-up events?

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The witch is great! The translucently thin-haired hag lives in a fetid cabin in the swamp. The set designers really outdid themselves. She’s creepy and says all the typical lines like “you’ll know when you find it.” But she’s just soooo creepy that it doesn’t feel corny. Then the pumpkin-patched grave site, the exhumation, the alien-looking transformation…this film truly has a lot to offer.

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The pacing is excellent. We consistently build towards the reason to seek the witch (i.e., the tragedy), the impetus of vengeance, the necessary ritual, some blood and black magic, and the mysterious discovery that Ed is now somehow “connected” to the Pumpkinhead demon.

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Once it comes time to start picking off twenty-somethings the movie becomes a bit more typical, but remaining on the higher quality end in terms of execution. Get it…execution? See what I did there? But for real, it’s pretty fun. There are various “horror drags” and a grabs-from-above that reminds me of Alien 3…or, I suppose, Alien 3 (1992) reminds me of this.

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pumpkinheaduWhich brings us to the monster, which is undoubtedly reminiscent of the Alien Xenomorph, but with its own style. It’s slimy skin, protruding bones, gaunt body, huge head and long tail make this fiend super-creepy and I love the way it lumbers around and makes interesting facial expressions! And while its appearance reminds me of Aliens, its behavior is more like Jason Voorhees as it lurks around the isolated cabin in the woods (yes, all the tropes are here), occasionally dropping a dead body in front of a future victim (for no other reason than a good jump scare for us viewers).

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I’m also quite fond of the scene when it “stabs” a guy with a rifle. Cheeky!

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This film offers much worthy screen time to its well-crafted monster and the action is pretty cool, especially at the end. The conflict is resolved properly with an ending that “matters” (unlike a lot of horror that just sort of “ends”). What’s more is that the 80s loved horror endings that all but flagged down the obvious sequel. That happens here, but in a most tasteful, thoughtful, and appreciative manner that will put a smile of understanding satisfaction on your face the moment you catch it.

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I don’t simply recommend this be watched, but that you just go buy it. This movie contributed to making the 80s a special era for horror.

Pumpkinhead (1988) | Dir: Lance Henriksen | Ref: PUM007AG | Photo Credit: [ United Artists / The Kobal Collection ] | Editorial use only related to cinema, television and personalities. Not for cover use, advertising or fictional works without specific prior agreement

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John’s Horror Corner: The Hallow (2015), a creature feature cautionary tale of baby-stealing, slimy Irish fairy folk.

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One of many posters that do NOT hint at the true nature of this film.
Speaking of which, there are some SPOILERS in this review.
You will be warned of SPOILERS so you may avoid them.

MY CALL: This evil monstrous Irish fairy movie came out of nowhere and really impressed me. It’s not especially original, but it boasts fine execution, quality squishy slimy special effects and smart cautious protagonists…just watch it. MOVIES LIKE The Hallow: Unfortunately it would spoil this movie to explain what movies are similar. As such, similar movies are referenced in the SPOILER BOX. But some other Irish horror movies include Leprechaun Origins (2014; horrible), Leprechaun 2 (1994; decent), Leprechaun (1993; campy but excellent), Grabbers (2012; AMAZING) and Cherry Tree (2015; terrible reviews but great effects).

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I would like to strongly recommend that you read no reviews on this movie before watching it. I actually watched this blind (not even seeing the trailer) and I was quite pleasantly surprised. However, if you haven’t seen it and choose to read this review anyway, I’ll warn you by saying SPOILERS when you shouldn’t read any further. It’s only one paragraph and it will be in a blue-shaded block quote.

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Opening with a serene walk in the mossy woods we meet the local “tree doctor” Adam (Joseph Mawle; Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter), who collects some strange samples of what is perhaps a slime mold of sorts on a dead animal–if you’re not a biologist, just know that’s really weird. Not halfway through examining the sample in his office slash makeshift laboratory his wife Clare (Bojana Novakovic; Devil, Drag Me to Hell) finds more of the goo leaking from their ceiling in their infant’s nursery. Yuck.

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From the start I really like this atmosphere painted around our protagonists. It’s dark but naturally serene and isolated with good justification. Adam and Clare strike us as inquisitive and cautious. But, as the horror genre would have it, no one is ever really cautious enough when it comes to dealing with the supernatural. Just perhaps enough to make it interesting as the story persists and we wonder whose suspicions are more accurate: Adam’s, Clare’s or the townsfolk’s.

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The superstitious locals don’t like Adam’s work-related investigations in the woods. They would warn that those woods belong the “the hallow”–the baby-stealing fairies and banshees and fey creatures of myth and folklore. The local police (Michael Smiley; The World’s End, The ABCs of Death) offer soft warnings of these legends, but their neighbor (Michael McElhatton; Game of Thrones) who lost his daughter to the woods is more heavy-handed, offering an ancient book of fairy lore depicting changelings.

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I applaud director Corin Hardy’s first feature length film endeavor. It takes us from mysterious, to superstitious, to “pack your bags and let’s get outta’ here” without a slow moment. We find a gradual introduction to the fey creatures accompanied by sounds of stirring about, followed by stronger evidence like monstrous scratch marks and ultimately…attack by monsters in plain sight. The creature effects are pretty good and very abundant–we see a lot of them. These fairy plant zombies look and move in creeptastic ways nuanced with twitches.

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Skip the next paragraph to avoid spoilers.

MINOR SPOILERS START HERE… This film is exactly what Leprechaun Origins (2014) really wanted to be, but sorely failed to achieve. These neat fairy folk creatures assume a more twisted monstrous form than the attractive pixies of storybooks. Repelled and harmed by iron and light, they are the stuff of evil. They infect Adam’s home with some sort of corrupting, infectious, parasitic fairy slime that acts like a virus on living tissue and rapidly warps and rots wood. I was expecting the slime to take us in the transformation direction of such films as Blood Glacier (2013), Harbinger Down (2015) or The Thing (2011). It sort of does, and it certainly takes us on a weird journey. Just not the path I expected. It reminded me of Leviathan (1989) and The Cave (2005), and even had a Prometheus (2012) meets The Fly (1986) vibe about it. SPOILERS END HERE…

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This film came out of nowhere and really impressed me. It’s not especially original, but it boasts fine execution, quality squishy slimy creature effects, smart cautious protagonists…just watch it.

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John’s Horror Corner: Flight 7500 (2014), Grudge ghost at 30,000 feet.

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MY CALL: A well-respected director brought together a sizable ensemble cast rich with horror experience; this should have worked but it crashed and burned. It seemed to have all of the building blocks of success, but once you hit “play” you’ll find no foundation was built. I wanted so badly to like this. My recommendation is that you don’t even watch this out of respect for Shimizu or any of the cast you may like. It’s not worth it. MOVIES LIKE Flight 7500: Altitude (2010) and The Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) both involve horror at high altitudes…and even Altitude (2010) was better than this. To see something to redeem director Takashi Shimizu go for The Grudge (2004, remake or original or sequels) or any other Ju-On movies.

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Note that both of these posters say 2012.
The movie is listed as 2014 on IMDB.
But we all waited until 2016 to be able to see it!
This is never a good sign.

Flight 7500 departs Los Angeles for Tokyo and as the overnight flight makes its course the passengers encounter some sort of evil supernatural force. Given the director, my guess would be a “Grudge ghost.”

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Definitely an abnormal amount on in-flight Grudge mist.

Our lineup of victims are moderately humanized and somewhat likable, but perhaps mostly because we recognize them from other HBO and horror favorites. There is a couple (Ryan Kwanten; True Blood, Dead Silence, and Amy Smart; Mirrors, Seventh Moon, Strangeland) embarking on a non-refundable couples trip with their friends who do not yet know they’re getting a divorce, a mellow young man (Jerry Ferrara; Entourage, Battleship) and his recently wed bridezilla (Scout Taylor-Compton; Halloween, Wicked Little Things, April Fool’s Day) who is not fond of their goth and fatalistic row-mate (Nicky Whelan; Halloween II), and a flirty scheister seated beside an unimpressed young lady (Christian Serratos; The Walking Dead). Meanwhile the flight attendants (Leslie Bibb; Trick ‘r Treat, The Skulls, and Jamie Chung; Sorority Row, The Man with the Iron Fists) gossip about the passengers and their love lives, one of which is involved with the adulterous pilot (Johnathon Schaech; Quarantine, Prom Night). Essentially, everyone is either lying about something, angry about something, or in denial suppressing something.

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Among the passengers is a man with an old wooden box of which he’s suspiciously protective. I’d be a bit clingy to my carry-on, too, if it had an evil Japanese spirit in it (or so I’m assuming that of the contents). Shortly after takeoff he dies from a most violently protracted seizure. By the end of the movie you will find no link to this completely unnatural seizure and any of the other events that shall transpire.

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Sketchiest looking guy on the plane…

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Inexplicably dramatic death…

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With a dead body on board people are harrowed, some even curious, but most reflecting on their lives having recently faced death. It disappoints me to say that as some strange things start happening on the plane, I found more satisfaction from the development of the characters’ relationships and self-discovery (not that there’s anything special going on) than I did the horror story itself. The formula is simple: 1) someone thinks she sees something, and 2) two passengers find connections when first they saw adversity. The dead body creepily moves, and a troubled couple reflect on their poor decisions. There’s a lot of this interplay between interpersonal moments and failed attempts at scary happenings. Speaking of failed attempts, a woman encounters a ghost emerging from the mist of the tiny airplane bathroom floor while taking a pregnancy test. Needlessly weird!

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I really love Amy Smart and Ryan Kwanten.
It’s such a shame they’re in this movie…for them. SMH
Here they find some clues that really end up not mattering at all.

As the story stumbles into some state of development we learn of evil spirits of Japanese mythology that “won’t let go” and thus do not move on to the afterlife. Apparently that’s what’s happening here. There’s also a weird twitchy “death doll” that doesn’t seem to fit into all this at all. And don’t worry, by the end of the movie you’ll see the doll meant very little.

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The passengers were just asking for trouble.
Dude steals the dead guy’s watch after his suspiciously violent death.

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Then they open the creepy box after picking the lock! It was LOCKED!
Why not just read from a book inked in blood and bound in human flesh!?!?!?!

The special effects are minimal, not in a “minimalist” way but in a really disappointing way. Some CGI mist, spectral reflections, and reaching hands. That’s it. Our victims deaths go something like this…they hear something, a door or lid or suitcase opens, an out-of-focus figure or a hand emerges, the victim screams or whimpers, aaaaand cut scene.

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She investigates when she hears something…

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Something is opened (a suitcase this time)…

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Once again – She investigates when she hears something…

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Ovrehead storage opens on its own…

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Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

We see no monster or ghost nor do we see an attack or a gruesome outcome–not even a horrific body. Of whatever budget there was to hire the cast and create a huge variety of poster art (of the course of 3-4 years of release delays), it seems that hardly a dollar was spared to bring our monster to the screen. As such, I now see why it took years to finally get this movie released.

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Here the cast looks as bewildered as I was while watching this.
Why did that guy with the box die?
Why was the box locked?
Why did the doll matter?
Why did the box matter?
Where’s the damned ghost?
Why did we have to wait 4 years to see this???

I don’t know what went wrong. The well-respected director Takashi Shimizu (The Grudge 1-2, Ju-On 1-2) and writer Craig Rosenberg (The Uninvited, The Quiet Ones) brought together a sizable ensemble cast rich with horror experience. This should have worked. It seemed to have all of the building blocks of success, but once you hit “play” you’ll find no foundation was built.

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Evidently all the posters were meant to distract us.

Very sad. I wanted so badly to like this–especially since I’ve been waiting for YEARS to see ths. My recommendation is that you don’t even watch this out of respect for Shimizu or any of the cast you may like. It’s not worth it. Not even a little.

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Here’s one for a 2013 release. 

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John’s Horror Corner: Warlock (1989), a great witch movie using the Terminator playbook.

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MY CALL: This film is far better than horror fans today realize and sadly I fear it is overlooked when people delve into 80s and 90s horror to round their horror film educations. If you’re in the market for a good “witch movie” or simply a great horror movie choice in general, this is it. MORE MOVIES LIKE Warlock: Other favorable witch movies include the contemporary The Craft (1996) and The Witches (1990), the campy The Kiss (1988) and Spellbinder (1988), the dark noir Lord of Illusions (1995), and then The Witch (2016), Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000), The Blair Witch Project (1999). And check out Pumpkinhead (1988) for a great depiction of a witch.

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I had long been yearning for a good witch movie after seeing The Witch (2016), which was successful as a movie “involving” a witch but didn’t at all feel “about” the witch. So it had me yearning for a good movie that “focused on” the witch. And this movie is an excellent choice for that!

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After a lengthy atmospheric introduction to 17th century Massachusetts, we meet our Warlock (Julian sands; Tale of a Vampire, Arachnophobia). For his actions in league with the Devil he is sentenced to death or, put much more specifically by his accusers: “You are to be hanged, and then burned over a basket of living cats.”

A hellstorm arrives which by the Devil transports the Warlock through time, three centuries into the future to 1988 so that he may collect and assemble the three parts of the greatest spellbook the Grand Grimoire, the dark Bible. He is followed through time by the witch hunter Redferne (Richard E. Grant; Bram Stoker’s Dracula) to the home of Kassandra (Lori Singer) and her roommate.

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Much as with the pansexual nature of vampirism, our Warlock homoerotically kisses and bites the tongue from a gay man and spits it into a frying pan after cutting off his finger and procuring his fanciful ring. Not only a tongue and a finger, but he goes on to remove the eyes of a spiritualist (Mary Woronov; House of the Devil, Chopping Mall) which look (despite being disembodied) where he must go.

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But his spellcraft advances with the story and he eventually casts a spell cursing Kassandra to age 20 years every day–a fate worse than death to a once stunning twenty-something.

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Our witch hunter Redferne is similar to a lower budget, smaller muscled, less suave The Last Witch Hunter (2016). He uses arcane tricks to track the Warlock–like his witch compass using the Warlock’s blood, nails in foot prints to cripple him, and recognizing bewitching signs such as cream that sours overnight and bread that doesn’t rise to detect his presence. As Redferne traveled through time to “the present” in tow of the Warlock, their dynamic is much as The Terminator‘s (1984) Kyle Reese and Sarah Conner to the T-800, with an ordinary but brave man aiding a diner waitress trying to prevent the end of humanity from a supernatural opponent against overwhelming odds.

WARLOCK, from left: Richard E. Grant, Lori Singer, 1989, © Trimark

Director Steve Miner (Lake Placid, Halloween H20, House, Friday the 13th Parts 2-3) already had some horror experience, but I think he outdid himself here. I was pleased with the story from start to finish (a stunning rarity in horror especially back then), the acting was solid (but not wowing), the nuance and discovery of mysticism was developed well, and the special effects were really quite good for their time with the ectoplasmic magical energy not at all looking hokey (although the flying was a bit silly by today’s standards) and a nice gory finale! I was especially pleased with the ending, had a dash of acceptable warm-fuzzy feelings and a bit of clever tongue-in-cheek humor.

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This film is far better than horror fans today realize and sadly I fear it is overlooked when people delve into 80s and 90s horror to round their film educations. Let’s correct this. Buy it, see it, and celebrate the Warlock!

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